Leaving the Nest
A sonnet - entry for the Faith contest93 total reviews
Comment from hobopoet
This is a beautiful sonnet. The meter is solid, the rhymes are smooth and good, and I had no trouble moving from line to line, staying with the story.
Very nicely written. The last line really gets me; I swear I had to have been a bird in a past life.
Good job. :)
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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This is a beautiful sonnet. The meter is solid, the rhymes are smooth and good, and I had no trouble moving from line to line, staying with the story.
Very nicely written. The last line really gets me; I swear I had to have been a bird in a past life.
Good job. :)
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thank you - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from krys123
I found your rhyming done very well and neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained. Your resume and meter was done very well in the most parts your meter was done fine which made it easy for me to read and understand your poem. However some of them iambic pentameter did not always accent and the other word. Very close in just a little skewed. The imagery was excellent and portrayed the essence of your poems concept. Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone including myself. May you have a good one and God bless.
Alex
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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I found your rhyming done very well and neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained. Your resume and meter was done very well in the most parts your meter was done fine which made it easy for me to read and understand your poem. However some of them iambic pentameter did not always accent and the other word. Very close in just a little skewed. The imagery was excellent and portrayed the essence of your poems concept. Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone including myself. May you have a good one and God bless.
Alex
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thanks, krys. I appreciate your kind review.
Steve
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You are so welcome
Comment from mickbey
I've read a few for this contest, and see it' going to be a hard decision, this is an excellent poem, cleansing and inspiring, creative to use the sonnet, a unique approach, deeply spiritual in an interesting and engaging style, this takes the reader into 'another place,' the illustration is great for the theme, and the last two lines took this from a five to a six for me, the "Thrill" comes thru.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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I've read a few for this contest, and see it' going to be a hard decision, this is an excellent poem, cleansing and inspiring, creative to use the sonnet, a unique approach, deeply spiritual in an interesting and engaging style, this takes the reader into 'another place,' the illustration is great for the theme, and the last two lines took this from a five to a six for me, the "Thrill" comes thru.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thanks for the kind words and the sixer.
yes, these $100 contests are always tough....
Steve
Comment from Loren (7)
What a wonderful message so well expressed. It is so easy to see and understand what you are saying. The dampened wings yet filled with the knowledge of their past destiny which emboldens them to soar .Loren
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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What a wonderful message so well expressed. It is so easy to see and understand what you are saying. The dampened wings yet filled with the knowledge of their past destiny which emboldens them to soar .Loren
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thank you - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from SLHarper
This poem is beautiful on many levels -- the rhyme and meter is immaculate, it is an extended metaphor for the human (and all creature's) drive to live and endure, and it is a refreshing take on the idea of faith, in that it is not necessarily the faith of religion, rather something much more primordial and steeped in the fabric of life -- that biological imperative that perpetuates and drives life, that gives us the courage to take the first proverbial leap toward claiming what we know to be rightfully ours (a supernatural or divinely ordained order, perhaps, notwithstanding, but still, entirely beside the point). I am one of your challengers in this faith poetry contest (I won't tell you which one is mine), but I feel compelled to express to you that I am duly moved and impressed by your take on the meaning of the very word, Faith, and by the poignant simplicity steeped in the complexity of nature that you express it with. Good luck to you in the contest! slh
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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This poem is beautiful on many levels -- the rhyme and meter is immaculate, it is an extended metaphor for the human (and all creature's) drive to live and endure, and it is a refreshing take on the idea of faith, in that it is not necessarily the faith of religion, rather something much more primordial and steeped in the fabric of life -- that biological imperative that perpetuates and drives life, that gives us the courage to take the first proverbial leap toward claiming what we know to be rightfully ours (a supernatural or divinely ordained order, perhaps, notwithstanding, but still, entirely beside the point). I am one of your challengers in this faith poetry contest (I won't tell you which one is mine), but I feel compelled to express to you that I am duly moved and impressed by your take on the meaning of the very word, Faith, and by the poignant simplicity steeped in the complexity of nature that you express it with. Good luck to you in the contest! slh
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thanks for explaining much more comprehensively and clearly than I could ever have done, some of the meaning of the poem.
I am serious when I say that - yes, these were some of the things in my head when I wrote, although I would be hard-pressed to articulate them.
It is not a blind contest so I should be able to find your piece...
I wish you good luck with it.
As for my own chances, let's hope the judges are impressed with it as you are, but I suspect a more orthodox view of faith may prevail here.
Steve
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The last line of your comment is now officially my favorite euphemism ever!
Comment from Kaye A
Wow! that was beautiful, "I stand unfettered on the brink of freedom" I love that, great imagery and a great photo. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Wow! that was beautiful, "I stand unfettered on the brink of freedom" I love that, great imagery and a great photo. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thank you - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from JB Lynn
"My wings hang damp and useless..." - LOVED this line! The image is so specific that it leaps to life from the page.
I also really enjoyed your last line. I felt my own heart give a little thrill.
Thank you so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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"My wings hang damp and useless..." - LOVED this line! The image is so specific that it leaps to life from the page.
I also really enjoyed your last line. I felt my own heart give a little thrill.
Thank you so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thank you - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
My wings unfurl and oh, the thrill of fight....
I love this the faith that is enacted in the flight. Faith is like that ...it's strength of belief that you act on. If I say I believe a frozen lake is strong enough to walk on but refuse to walk on it...
God bless....
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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My wings unfurl and oh, the thrill of fight....
I love this the faith that is enacted in the flight. Faith is like that ...it's strength of belief that you act on. If I say I believe a frozen lake is strong enough to walk on but refuse to walk on it...
God bless....
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thank you, Jenny - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from His Grayness
DEAR KIWISTEVEH: I love eagles and mission they serve in expressing power and faith and courage in the naked wild. Their symbol of freedom is unmatched and you have honored them in this lovely poem. GREAT WORK! HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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DEAR KIWISTEVEH: I love eagles and mission they serve in expressing power and faith and courage in the naked wild. Their symbol of freedom is unmatched and you have honored them in this lovely poem. GREAT WORK! HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thanks for your review.
Steve
Comment from jgirlie152
Lovely poem of leaving the nest, frightening, wondering how it all will be, but....the thrill of it all!
We are born into his world in a soft shell of care and love in our homes, but time finally comes when it's time to try our wings. No one will ever want to go back again, except to visit our loved ones. Your layout works well and I love the artwork which shows the thrill of flying free.
Joan
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Lovely poem of leaving the nest, frightening, wondering how it all will be, but....the thrill of it all!
We are born into his world in a soft shell of care and love in our homes, but time finally comes when it's time to try our wings. No one will ever want to go back again, except to visit our loved ones. Your layout works well and I love the artwork which shows the thrill of flying free.
Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Joan, I appreciate the kind words.
Steve
