The Enchanted Toyshelf
a modern sonnet about fairies at bedtime90 total reviews
Comment from dportwood
adewpearl,
Christmas, toys, and a lovely sonnet. The Christmas fairy cleverly takes care of her main responsibility - putting toys and their little owners to sleep.
I like this.
Duane
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
adewpearl,
Christmas, toys, and a lovely sonnet. The Christmas fairy cleverly takes care of her main responsibility - putting toys and their little owners to sleep.
I like this.
Duane
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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Duane, so glad you enjoyed this one, thank you!! Brooke
Comment from perunest
A sweet lullaby for the child in
all of us. Baby dolls and teddy bears
fill the shelves of childhood
memories, all guarded by the sweet
fairy who protects the children
and brings restful sleep. How lovely!
Carolyn
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
A sweet lullaby for the child in
all of us. Baby dolls and teddy bears
fill the shelves of childhood
memories, all guarded by the sweet
fairy who protects the children
and brings restful sleep. How lovely!
Carolyn
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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Carolyn, glad you got some light entertainment from this. Thanks so much, Brooke
Comment from debskatz
Hey Brooke,
How sweet and tender. Such a beautiful story. It reads very well & all the rhymes are dead on. And it's just simply great. Please add this one to your book.
One little problem: "when teddy bear wakes and dark shadow fears,"
Shouldn't it be "when teddy bear wakes and dark shadows fear,"
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
Hey Brooke,
How sweet and tender. Such a beautiful story. It reads very well & all the rhymes are dead on. And it's just simply great. Please add this one to your book.
One little problem: "when teddy bear wakes and dark shadow fears,"
Shouldn't it be "when teddy bear wakes and dark shadows fear,"
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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it couldn't be dark shadows fear because it is teddy who is fearing and you wouldn't say teddy bear fear thanks so much for your most gracious comments! Brooke oh, and I changed that line slightly with ian's suggestion - see if you like his version better
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Yes, I do like that better!
Comment from babylonia
brooke,
this is nicely done. our toys are calmed and we are at peace. LOL sounds like my daughter. she always says it is her toys that can't sleep or are afraid, etc.
easy to read and follow. no spaggies do i see. imagery is excellent. keep up the good work.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
brooke,
this is nicely done. our toys are calmed and we are at peace. LOL sounds like my daughter. she always says it is her toys that can't sleep or are afraid, etc.
easy to read and follow. no spaggies do i see. imagery is excellent. keep up the good work.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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Barbara, thanks for sharing that comment about your daughter!
and thanks for the positive review, Brooke
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brooke,
you are very welcome~
love,
barbara
Comment from Ian Ayris
As you know, Brooke, I love your fairy poems. And toys . . . that come alive . . . wonderful.
Absolutely love the idea of the nasty ones being subject to the fairy's charms also. Something so redemptive about that. A message that goes straight to the heart of what it is to be human.
Just a couple of suggestions. You know I can't help it.
When my baby doll can't sleep through the night,
when teddy bear wakes and [PERHAPS REPLACE 'AND' WITH 'IN' dark shadow fears,
if the jack-in-the-box gives us all a fright,
we look for the fairy who's always near.
[GREAT INTO. INTRODUCING THE FAIRY NOT TIL THE FINAL LINE A LOVELY TOUCH]
Her luminosity lightens my room.
Her gentle lullabies lull us [PERHAPS 'ME' TO COMPLIMENT LINE ONE OF THIS VERSE] to sleep.
Such peaceful presence eliminates gloom,
and sweet dreams become a promise she keeps [FUNNY, WANTED THIS TO BE 'A PROMISE TO KEEP' BUT AS IT IS, IT MAKES COMPLETE SENSE ANYWAY].
Her unearthly[PERHAPS REPLACE 'UNEARTHLY' WITH 'ETHEREAL'] voice gives chase to all care-
should it be then the slightest surprise
when under the spell of this fairy fair,
frightened toys and I all close our eyes? [WONDERFUL. ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS]
This songstress, who always becalms my toys,
brings light to my life and abundant joys.
[GET A REAL SENSE AT THE END HERE THAT ONCE THE FAIRY HAS BEEN, ALL IS THEN RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. SUCH A SENSE OF OVERWHELMING PEACE. SO LOVELY]
Another magical piece, Brooke. My little girl loves these of yours. I remember my mum had a book of flowers and fairies as a little girl. Margaret Attwell, I think the author's name was. Little poems with illustrations. Next level, my friend, whenever you please.
Speak to you soon, Brooke.
Look after yourself.
Your friend,
Ian
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
As you know, Brooke, I love your fairy poems. And toys . . . that come alive . . . wonderful.
Absolutely love the idea of the nasty ones being subject to the fairy's charms also. Something so redemptive about that. A message that goes straight to the heart of what it is to be human.
Just a couple of suggestions. You know I can't help it.
When my baby doll can't sleep through the night,
when teddy bear wakes and [PERHAPS REPLACE 'AND' WITH 'IN' dark shadow fears,
if the jack-in-the-box gives us all a fright,
we look for the fairy who's always near.
[GREAT INTO. INTRODUCING THE FAIRY NOT TIL THE FINAL LINE A LOVELY TOUCH]
Her luminosity lightens my room.
Her gentle lullabies lull us [PERHAPS 'ME' TO COMPLIMENT LINE ONE OF THIS VERSE] to sleep.
Such peaceful presence eliminates gloom,
and sweet dreams become a promise she keeps [FUNNY, WANTED THIS TO BE 'A PROMISE TO KEEP' BUT AS IT IS, IT MAKES COMPLETE SENSE ANYWAY].
Her unearthly[PERHAPS REPLACE 'UNEARTHLY' WITH 'ETHEREAL'] voice gives chase to all care-
should it be then the slightest surprise
when under the spell of this fairy fair,
frightened toys and I all close our eyes? [WONDERFUL. ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS]
This songstress, who always becalms my toys,
brings light to my life and abundant joys.
[GET A REAL SENSE AT THE END HERE THAT ONCE THE FAIRY HAS BEEN, ALL IS THEN RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. SUCH A SENSE OF OVERWHELMING PEACE. SO LOVELY]
Another magical piece, Brooke. My little girl loves these of yours. I remember my mum had a book of flowers and fairies as a little girl. Margaret Attwell, I think the author's name was. Little poems with illustrations. Next level, my friend, whenever you please.
Speak to you soon, Brooke.
Look after yourself.
Your friend,
Ian
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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I had some difficulties with flow in this one, so all suggestions are gratefully accepted - I'm reading through them now and noting them to go back to edit. :-)
that your little one loves my poems is the ultimate compliment - worth 100 site members giving a good rating!!!
Thank you, Brooke
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It's the gentleness of your imagination that does it, Brooke. And the connection you have with the nature of being a child. Can't learn that stuff, my friend. Can't learn it at all.
Warmest regards, as always,
Your friend,
Ian
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I kept unearthly but used the other two suggestions - thank you for your lovely compliment .
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Please tell me the names of your little one or ones who like my fairy poems - I will dedicate one to her or them later this month :-)
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Always a pleasure, my friend.
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Oldest one is Mollie, she's ten, and Summer is only fifteen months but as soon as she's old enough I'll be reading her your tales of fairydom, you can be assured of that.
Ian
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So Mollie is my little fan? That is one adorable name. I must write Mollie a poem.
Does she have any favorite things - rainbows, animals, colors - something I can incorporate into a fairy poem the way this one has teddy bears or another has snails in a garden????
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She's obsessed with Harry Potter, and anything magical. Unicorns, dragons, that sort of thing. Also loves animals, particularly dogs. Loves all things nature.
Sweet, lovely little thing. Though she's becoming really moody and a little cynical of late. Ten going on fifteen, I fear.
Speak to you soon, my friend.
Ian
Comment from jamar2
Just love the Fairy stories, and this is no exceoption,and so beautyfully presented, you could say its just a dream of a piece, liked this sonnet as its one I understand also,
best wishes.
jamar.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
Just love the Fairy stories, and this is no exceoption,and so beautyfully presented, you could say its just a dream of a piece, liked this sonnet as its one I understand also,
best wishes.
jamar.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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Mike, thank you so much - I know you're a fairy fan! Sometimes it is nice to retreat to this simpler place, far away from vicious kings and shunned women! :-D Brooke
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I only wish I could do these poems with the grace you have in your words, maybe one day, i can only wish.
thank you for the reply,
jamar.
Comment from Peter@Poole
Oh, so sweet, mavourneen! I love it,Brooke, when you delve back into your childhood and produce a poetic commentary on remembered terrors. This is a lovely sonnet in which I particularly like the way you show yourself, your dollies and teddy bear all united in fear and trembling. And if you all found slumber like that, who am I to doubt the reality of fairies? Peter
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
Oh, so sweet, mavourneen! I love it,Brooke, when you delve back into your childhood and produce a poetic commentary on remembered terrors. This is a lovely sonnet in which I particularly like the way you show yourself, your dollies and teddy bear all united in fear and trembling. And if you all found slumber like that, who am I to doubt the reality of fairies? Peter
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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your comments are so kind and paint such a great picture of a child's room in the midst of night terrors. Thank you, Brooke
Comment from MumEsGirl
This was a sweet poem. I trip back to childhood or a remembrance of your little one when she could not sleep.
Nice flow to this one and nice gentle images of a child playing mummy with her dolls.
Wouldn't it be nice to be that innocent again
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
This was a sweet poem. I trip back to childhood or a remembrance of your little one when she could not sleep.
Nice flow to this one and nice gentle images of a child playing mummy with her dolls.
Wouldn't it be nice to be that innocent again
hugs
kate
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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oh, Kate, there are days I'd give a fortune, had I a fortune, to be 5 again! :-) I have received no messages lately telling me of new work by you - hope to read a lovely poem soon! thank you, Brooke
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Hi Brooke,
There have been no new works. I was away for the weekend, only got back yesterday afternoon. Shattered. Had to go see my family in Cork. South of Ireland and about 7 hours drive.
Am about to post now though lol
hugs
kate
Comment from starman
Yes, enchanting. An absolute dream to read. One of my favorites. It really does have a soothing quality. Children of all ages will love it.
:)s
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
Yes, enchanting. An absolute dream to read. One of my favorites. It really does have a soothing quality. Children of all ages will love it.
:)s
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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thank you so much!! You are sweet, as always. :-) Brooke
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Think you have a wonderful concept here of speaking through a child's eyes. Have to wonder though that being the case if there are a couple words that are a little bit out of place for a child's mind i.e. luminosity, lovely word but not in a child's vocabulary. Okay you can reach through the screen and slap me now. LOL
Very nicely done.
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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
Think you have a wonderful concept here of speaking through a child's eyes. Have to wonder though that being the case if there are a couple words that are a little bit out of place for a child's mind i.e. luminosity, lovely word but not in a child's vocabulary. Okay you can reach through the screen and slap me now. LOL
Very nicely done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
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You do make me laugh!! I raised very literate children! LOL
Thank you, brooke