The Old Violin
Anapestic Tetrameter contest entry82 total reviews
Comment from skye
You captured the wild beauty of the violin and the dance, with proper form and meter.
Love this tribute to music. I love the artwork and found myself wishing to be there, hearing and dancing.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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You captured the wild beauty of the violin and the dance, with proper form and meter.
Love this tribute to music. I love the artwork and found myself wishing to be there, hearing and dancing.
Excellent.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Skye, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from nomi338
It is very instructive to read a poem with words and phrases that make sense. Not chosen merely because they rhyme, but chosen because they fit and they belong. The words and phrases are not created or bastardized so that hey can rhyme. These words and phrases are legitimate words and they, again, belong.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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It is very instructive to read a poem with words and phrases that make sense. Not chosen merely because they rhyme, but chosen because they fit and they belong. The words and phrases are not created or bastardized so that hey can rhyme. These words and phrases are legitimate words and they, again, belong.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Nomi, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Wendyanne
Hi tfawcus this is a very well written poem you have penned for the contest. Excellent imagery and alliteration throughout. Good luck.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi tfawcus this is a very well written poem you have penned for the contest. Excellent imagery and alliteration throughout. Good luck.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Wendyanne, for reviewing my poem.. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from thee-name
Excellent poem. I felt a light bounce to it. Felt I could dance to it.
AH, WHAT TUNES CAN BE PLAYED ON A VIOLIN
WHEN HER STRINGS ARE DERANGED BY A STRONG SLENDE BOW
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Excellent poem. I felt a light bounce to it. Felt I could dance to it.
AH, WHAT TUNES CAN BE PLAYED ON A VIOLIN
WHEN HER STRINGS ARE DERANGED BY A STRONG SLENDE BOW
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, thee-name, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
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THANK YOU!
Comment from rama devi
What a wonderful combination of poetry and artwork. Masterful writing with fine rhymes and superb enjambement and flow. Sounds great read aloud--sounds cadenced and musical. Your muse has a keen sense of the music of words and that quality shines in this write...most appropriately, since it is part of the theme.
Lots of superb nuances in phonetics...too many to note..but you know I noticed them all. I will highlight my favorite, your second stanza:
And the chattering shake of the shrill tambourine
Underlines with its thrill the wild notes of desire
That are drawn from her depths, as we hear her songs keen
To the castanets' clicking that sets men on fire.
The alliteration is subtly woven and the internal rhyme adds music too. Bravo.Read that aloud twice--like tongue candy! (reason for six)
Also love this line:
Oh, the chords she lets fall in her fervid disgrace
Since the opening line starts with WHAT and the sentence continues over the next stanza, this line should have a ? instead of . I think:
To the castanets' clicking that sets men on fire.(?)
but using the period is also acceptable, as a rhetorical question...up to you.
Wonderful closing:
Oh, the chords she lets fall in her fervid disgrace
May awaken faint echoes in ancients who sin
In their dreams, whilst in turn, brave new beaux take their place
To derange the wild strings of an old violin.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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What a wonderful combination of poetry and artwork. Masterful writing with fine rhymes and superb enjambement and flow. Sounds great read aloud--sounds cadenced and musical. Your muse has a keen sense of the music of words and that quality shines in this write...most appropriately, since it is part of the theme.
Lots of superb nuances in phonetics...too many to note..but you know I noticed them all. I will highlight my favorite, your second stanza:
And the chattering shake of the shrill tambourine
Underlines with its thrill the wild notes of desire
That are drawn from her depths, as we hear her songs keen
To the castanets' clicking that sets men on fire.
The alliteration is subtly woven and the internal rhyme adds music too. Bravo.Read that aloud twice--like tongue candy! (reason for six)
Also love this line:
Oh, the chords she lets fall in her fervid disgrace
Since the opening line starts with WHAT and the sentence continues over the next stanza, this line should have a ? instead of . I think:
To the castanets' clicking that sets men on fire.(?)
but using the period is also acceptable, as a rhetorical question...up to you.
Wonderful closing:
Oh, the chords she lets fall in her fervid disgrace
May awaken faint echoes in ancients who sin
In their dreams, whilst in turn, brave new beaux take their place
To derange the wild strings of an old violin.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, rd, for reviewing my poem and for the generous gift of six stars. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it! I am hugely encouraged by your lovely comments. I agree that technically there should be a ? after 'sets men on fire' but it is, as you suggest, a rhetorical question and so far away from the interrogative pronoun that I think it would perhaps be confusing to put one there.
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Thanks for your gracious reply, dear friend. Big smiles, rd
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Thanks for your gracious reply, dear friend. Big smiles, rd
Comment from RGstar
A lovely write, Tony. Your image plays the fiddle and tune to this write. My one concern is the usage of "that" as your first word though joined from the line before. I would have liked to see a stronger word to begin with in capturing a cleaner flow. However. As usual, your word usage leaves little to the imagination and my friend. You are a true poet.
Good luck with the contest.
RG
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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A lovely write, Tony. Your image plays the fiddle and tune to this write. My one concern is the usage of "that" as your first word though joined from the line before. I would have liked to see a stronger word to begin with in capturing a cleaner flow. However. As usual, your word usage leaves little to the imagination and my friend. You are a true poet.
Good luck with the contest.
RG
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, RG, for reviewing my poem and for the generous gift of six stars. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it! I can't see any way around the weak 'that' at the moment!
Comment from Razz
Wonderful.
Beautiful.
Imagery is quite melodic.
Photo is awesome.
Gypsy...so encompassing.
Quiet and serene.
Great poem.
Have a restful day.
Razz
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Wonderful.
Beautiful.
Imagery is quite melodic.
Photo is awesome.
Gypsy...so encompassing.
Quiet and serene.
Great poem.
Have a restful day.
Razz
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Razz, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
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You are welcome, tfa.
Razz
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Tony,
What terrific words to compliment the picture you chose. I can almost hear the music and it makes me want to jump off my chair and dance along. Well done.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi Tony,
What terrific words to compliment the picture you chose. I can almost hear the music and it makes me want to jump off my chair and dance along. Well done.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Lou, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from granny goes viral
I don't know about the mechanics of this poem or the contest requirements. I just loved the picture your words painted.
Who does not feel moved to dance with the song of your words?
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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I don't know about the mechanics of this poem or the contest requirements. I just loved the picture your words painted.
Who does not feel moved to dance with the song of your words?
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, GGV, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from James Dooney
Well done here with this one. I love this kind of stuff that goes into say 10 or 12 lines. This work really packs a nice punch to it. Well done !
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Well done here with this one. I love this kind of stuff that goes into say 10 or 12 lines. This work really packs a nice punch to it. Well done !
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, James, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
