Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

Your poem brings an exploding idea to surface. Oops, maybe the water broke. Found your fun poem interesting. Glad my wife had six normal kids with out all the help. Cheers.

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Thanks, ben - glad you enjoyed this bit of nonsense.

Steve

Comment from rjuselius

Excellent

haha. lol! this is a fantastic piece of poetic art getting close to a story within a poem! i love the way you describe the growth process of either child or mother.
thank you for sharing!

rebekka x

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Thanks, Rebekka - glad you enjoyed this bit of fun.

Steve

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

A back stage motherthat never learned to quit. This isver well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read. Very good humor.

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Thanks, Charlie.

Steve

reply by c_lucas on 06-Oct-2014

You're welcome, Steve. Charlie

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

First stanza, and I'm already out of breath.
Love the tempo.

This is spectacular, Steve. Love every bit of it.
The 'detonate' line floored me. Not many poems floor me.
Many, in fact, bore me.

I particularly like the way you manipulated my reading pace.
How'd you do that?
And of course your careful and thoughtful rhymes.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Lee, thanks as always for the review and the six stars.

Pace? may come from you as much as me - I just write what sounds good to my ear - then of course the thing has to make sense (even if it's nonsense sense).

I could actually write lines like this all day - the main 'work' is shaping them into a story, pruning weak lines etc.

Here, the ending was an issue. I can't say that it's great, although it works quite well. pretty pleased with the rest of it, though...

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Exceptional

Ha ha ha ha ha
I give this six because it's got
The word I like...polyglot
My daughter is coming with her baby..only two more sleeps...dare I say she is a genius. Gets it naturally though from her grandmother:o)
God bless

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Yeah, just skipped one generation, eh?

Some words just beg to be used - polyglot is one of them! ...and it will make up for 'bit of fluff! :O)

Thanks for the kind words and the sixer!

Steve

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Exceptional

Laughed til I cried, Steve. Reminds me of one of my own kids. Luckilt, she has 3 offspring to terrorize. Well done! :) Nancy

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Did I read her name right, Luckilt??

It's a fine line between being a great mother and that element of overkill - and not every kid can take the pushing - the explosion can be spectacular even when it's not literal.

Steve

reply by N.K. Wagner on 06-Oct-2014

My fingers got distracted there, Steve. I meant to write "Luckily,..." :) Nancy

reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Tee-hee! In my teaching I come across all sorts of weird and wonderful names - Luckilt wouldn't be out of place!

reply by N.K. Wagner on 06-Oct-2014

I do remember a "Latrina" from a few years back. What could her mother have been thinking? :) Nancy

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

Oh. Isn't Suzy a thoroughly modern mum; hot-housing little Fleur like that. It's all in their ego need to show how good their kids are because they raised them. Your poem moves along very smoothly with terrific rhythm through great meter and rhyme. It supports the rapid fire release of humour throughout ending in an exploding kid's head. You surprised me with that. Hilarious. A really well written poem with a bag of smiles for all.

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Thanks for the thoughtful review.

Only a gentle dig at pushy mothers really - I am more interested in the laughs.

Steve

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Suzy's name sounds posh, as does her poor baby's, 'Fleur'

Of course, being posh and having every head start BEFORE birth and after, doesn't guarantee anything except a head explosion and wiping out half the family.

Very clever and funny.

Best wishes, Ray

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014

Thanks, Ray - glad you enjoyed this bit of fun.

Steve

Comment from Diny

Exceptional

Now that epic rhyme was a joy to read
I wanted more it picked up speed
then plummeted soon after birth
I felt a waste to bring in mirth
Your talent friend, is greatly gived
I hope for you writing long lived
now that I've had my little fun
The max amount of stars- I'm done!

Brilliant!
Write on- Di

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014

Thanks again.

This is the second in my series of Cautionary Tales inspired by Hilaire Belloc's book.

I appreciate the poetic response you have gived and of course the six stars.

Steve

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

ROFL! This is hilarious, and that explosion was the icing on a very messy cake. Terrific parody on pushy parents. I know many of them, since I tutor their "perfect" kids when they hit high school math. Nice bunch of kids, though. What irks me is that as soon as they get a driver's license they also get a NEW CAR! I have not bought a new car, just used ones, since I was single and foolish. :)

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014

Yep and I have never had a new car. perhaps therein lies another cautionary tale.

Thanks heaps for the great review and the six stars.

Steve