Gloom Soon Passes
trochaic meter in 7/8/7/8122 total reviews
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
Summers winding down, but here's a last stand. A beautiful visual, the green shorn grass, the gold & white resilent dandelions, and a small boy among it all blowing bubbles. Kenny
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Summers winding down, but here's a last stand. A beautiful visual, the green shorn grass, the gold & white resilent dandelions, and a small boy among it all blowing bubbles. Kenny
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Kenny, thanks so much :-) Brooke
Comment from mfowler
This should travel well in a children's poetry contest. The balance of the loss with gain (Meadows once as white as milk
then will thrive with gold aglowing) is that great balance of negativity and positivity that make a good story. I love the way you personify the blades of grass as assassins as they cut the 'floating rainbows' to pieces. Another excellent and entertaining piece.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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This should travel well in a children's poetry contest. The balance of the loss with gain (Meadows once as white as milk
then will thrive with gold aglowing) is that great balance of negativity and positivity that make a good story. I love the way you personify the blades of grass as assassins as they cut the 'floating rainbows' to pieces. Another excellent and entertaining piece.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Thank you so very much, Mark :-) Brooke
Comment from kiwisteveh
Brooke, I may be just nit-picking, but to me the definitive sound of a trochaic line is that it ends on an unstressed syllable. Your 2&4 lines all do this, but your 1&3 drop the weak syllable from the end and conclude with a stress - to my ear it sounds more like an iambic minus a syllable at the beginning.
You may find examples or expert witnesses to say your version is right, but The Song of Hiawatha seems to be the gold standard of trochaic tetrameter and I think I am right in saying there are no 7-syllable lines in it (Some might say that's what makes it so tedious!)
Apart from that quibble, your poem is great - I'll even make an exception for the white meadows of pesky dandelions.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Brooke, I may be just nit-picking, but to me the definitive sound of a trochaic line is that it ends on an unstressed syllable. Your 2&4 lines all do this, but your 1&3 drop the weak syllable from the end and conclude with a stress - to my ear it sounds more like an iambic minus a syllable at the beginning.
You may find examples or expert witnesses to say your version is right, but The Song of Hiawatha seems to be the gold standard of trochaic tetrameter and I think I am right in saying there are no 7-syllable lines in it (Some might say that's what makes it so tedious!)
Apart from that quibble, your poem is great - I'll even make an exception for the white meadows of pesky dandelions.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Steve, thank you for reviewing. I received your PM where you say you realize the 7 syllable lines are allowed and appreciate your sending me that message :-)
Comment from daeneam
Hello there, Brooke! Been busy for a while but I missed reading your poems of hope, cheerfulness and inspiration. I think I have to learn my lesson from dandelions, although I have never seen one in person. There are periods in our lives which seemed to be the darkest, but we should never lose hope. Thank you for inspiring me always... c", Mae
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Hello there, Brooke! Been busy for a while but I missed reading your poems of hope, cheerfulness and inspiration. I think I have to learn my lesson from dandelions, although I have never seen one in person. There are periods in our lives which seemed to be the darkest, but we should never lose hope. Thank you for inspiring me always... c", Mae
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much, Mae, for your generous and thoughtful response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Another lovely poem Brooke - good rhyme and rhythm. It positively skips along just as you have expressed in your final stanza. Good luck in the contest. Fond regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Another lovely poem Brooke - good rhyme and rhythm. It positively skips along just as you have expressed in your final stanza. Good luck in the contest. Fond regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Dorothy, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Gargantuan2
Ah, the rainbows in the bubbles make us all forget our troubles. Sawyer knew this early on as most kids do, I suppose. Good luck in the voting booth :)
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Ah, the rainbows in the bubbles make us all forget our troubles. Sawyer knew this early on as most kids do, I suppose. Good luck in the voting booth :)
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Gargantuan, thank you so very much :-) I'm the only one in the contest so far - if that keeps up I should be a shoo in. LOL Brooke
Comment from lancellot
This poem seems to say the our future, the children, with imagination and hope are capable to restoring tomorrow the things adults have ruined yesterday. Very thought provoking.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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This poem seems to say the our future, the children, with imagination and hope are capable to restoring tomorrow the things adults have ruined yesterday. Very thought provoking.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful reading of this poem, lancellot :-) Brooke
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Brooke,
Just love trochaic metre. Not used nearly often enough. I mud have a go again soon. In the meantime, I'll just read your wonderful effort..LOL
Reg
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Dear Brooke,
Just love trochaic metre. Not used nearly often enough. I mud have a go again soon. In the meantime, I'll just read your wonderful effort..LOL
Reg
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Thanks so very much, Reg :-) Brooke
Comment from misscookie
Before I for get, Good luck
The photo is priceless
It's amazing how little things can bring a child such joy.
I love the words to your poem.
I love how is flows
Thank you for sharing this delightful poem.
Cookie
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Before I for get, Good luck
The photo is priceless
It's amazing how little things can bring a child such joy.
I love the words to your poem.
I love how is flows
Thank you for sharing this delightful poem.
Cookie
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Miss Cookie, thank you so much :-) Brooke
You're very welcome, have a nice week end.
Cookie
Comment from Aussie
Trochaic meter sounds like a prehistoric animal! Grrreat photo of handsome grandson. I liked your dinosaur poem, the form reminds me of how I write. I liked the subject and the ebb and flow. Best stanza - Bubbles burst as they are slashed by the blades of grass that pierce them (realistic) Floating rainbows, promise dashed by assassins' swords so fearsome (child at play.) Thanks for sharing this form, now I think I know what I write!
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Trochaic meter sounds like a prehistoric animal! Grrreat photo of handsome grandson. I liked your dinosaur poem, the form reminds me of how I write. I liked the subject and the ebb and flow. Best stanza - Bubbles burst as they are slashed by the blades of grass that pierce them (realistic) Floating rainbows, promise dashed by assassins' swords so fearsome (child at play.) Thanks for sharing this form, now I think I know what I write!
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Kay, thank you so very much, my friend, for the laugh and the sixth star :-) Brooke
