Shadow of Action
Being an ingrate is deadly to one's existence and success65 total reviews
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Beating up the sky Love the use of 'beating'=powerful
Forgetting it's your shelter 'ing' in lines 1 and 2 = enhance
You may be crushed by may/by the 'y's
Although the theme is a bit vague (Without the notes I would not have a clue) the work has value. A poem should stand alone without notes or a pic.
Regards:
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Beating up the sky Love the use of 'beating'=powerful
Forgetting it's your shelter 'ing' in lines 1 and 2 = enhance
You may be crushed by may/by the 'y's
Although the theme is a bit vague (Without the notes I would not have a clue) the work has value. A poem should stand alone without notes or a pic.
Regards:
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Thanks. Noted!
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Dear Olayiwola Awakan: Glad to have been of service. Welcome to the wonderful world of FS. Some tips on getting more reviews.
1. Make your posts short
2. Include a suitable picture
3. Throw lots of FS dollars at the post.
4. Review those who review you
5. Keep reviews constructive and +
Do drop by my site sometime. Thank you.
With Respect: Steve C
Comment from Righteous Riter
beating up the sky
forgetting it's your shelter
you may be crushed by
This piece meets the criteria of the 5-7-5 as the syllable count is spot on. Good end rhyming with sky/by. Clear message that is short and simple.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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beating up the sky
forgetting it's your shelter
you may be crushed by
This piece meets the criteria of the 5-7-5 as the syllable count is spot on. Good end rhyming with sky/by. Clear message that is short and simple.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Thanks a lot. I appreciate!
Comment from Ricky1024
Very nice "Haiku" here sir!
I like the emotion demonstrated.
Perhaps you should try a quad or two
to get recognized here on Fan Story.
Haiku's are not much of a challenge.
Re-write in rhyme and 'ill give it another star!
Thanks,
24.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Very nice "Haiku" here sir!
I like the emotion demonstrated.
Perhaps you should try a quad or two
to get recognized here on Fan Story.
Haiku's are not much of a challenge.
Re-write in rhyme and 'ill give it another star!
Thanks,
24.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the observation. Noted
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It has been rewritten. Hope you have seen it!
Comment from emrpoems
Beating up the sky
Forgetting it's your shelter
You may be crushed down
Good philosophy in this piece.
Perfect 5-7-5 syllable count for this form.
god luck in the contest
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Beating up the sky
Forgetting it's your shelter
You may be crushed down
Good philosophy in this piece.
Perfect 5-7-5 syllable count for this form.
god luck in the contest
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Thanks
Comment from royowen
This poem qualifies for the 5-7-5 contest! An inventive poem about the environmental issues, namely the ozone layer I do believe. If this doesn't get across your point nothing will! Good luck in the comp.blessings, Roy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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This poem qualifies for the 5-7-5 contest! An inventive poem about the environmental issues, namely the ozone layer I do believe. If this doesn't get across your point nothing will! Good luck in the comp.blessings, Roy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Thank you
