Mike And The Tree
An inchworm decides to leave his home to explore the World85 total reviews
Comment from 9999pool
Well, there's no place like home might be the moral of teh story. But is it really that?
Travelling across the many states he ended with a pile of bad memories and wishes to return home. Out there he found life is not to his liking and "There was no hope or promise I saw only misery".
Poignant of what happen to the world outside that he saw. By the same token this could be the real issue at hand with the jobless numbers climbing and striking out a living can be so difficult and demeaning.
Good write. Cheers, Ritchie.
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Well, there's no place like home might be the moral of teh story. But is it really that?
Travelling across the many states he ended with a pile of bad memories and wishes to return home. Out there he found life is not to his liking and "There was no hope or promise I saw only misery".
Poignant of what happen to the world outside that he saw. By the same token this could be the real issue at hand with the jobless numbers climbing and striking out a living can be so difficult and demeaning.
Good write. Cheers, Ritchie.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
This is great. Loved it. Poor Mike it must be very hard being an inch worm. I saw nothing that needed attention, I'm no expert but I think this would be a great children's book.
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This is great. Loved it. Poor Mike it must be very hard being an inch worm. I saw nothing that needed attention, I'm no expert but I think this would be a great children's book.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
"I left my home in a tree.
It must be so grand to live here."
"I'm bored and lonely, you see."
Only need one pair of quotation marks for this.
A good poem and story. It seems we all think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but in most cases, we are where we are supposed to be. Good work!!! Debbie
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"I left my home in a tree.
It must be so grand to live here."
"I'm bored and lonely, you see."
Only need one pair of quotation marks for this.
A good poem and story. It seems we all think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but in most cases, we are where we are supposed to be. Good work!!! Debbie
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
Comment from mizzkris20
What an entertaining poem. I enjoyed reading it and love where you went with it, "The grass is not always greener on the side." Be happy where you are!!!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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What an entertaining poem. I enjoyed reading it and love where you went with it, "The grass is not always greener on the side." Be happy where you are!!!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks Kris
Comment from Shadow Pahn
Loved this.
It starts so lighthearted but ends on a deep note.
I am no expert in poetry, but i know what i like.
5 stars for you
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Loved this.
It starts so lighthearted but ends on a deep note.
I am no expert in poetry, but i know what i like.
5 stars for you
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Ok I'll take it ..thanks
Comment from Bill Schott
This sounds like a primer for isolationism (that's humor). The idea of exploring the world and remembering that there's no place like home is always a cool message.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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This sounds like a primer for isolationism (that's humor). The idea of exploring the world and remembering that there's no place like home is always a cool message.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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thanks much Bill
Comment from JM daSilva
The eternal idea that staying home is better. The advantage of staying home is that you can make the environment the way you want it, at the same time, it may imply laziness. You are too comfortable to try to change anything just because you got used to it.
I have some editing suggestions for you.
Who lived in a (an: use a only if u is pronounced you) ugly brown tree.
See the the (typo) hills,
At an old farmer's farmhouse. (repetition of farm)
no-where (nowhere) to go.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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The eternal idea that staying home is better. The advantage of staying home is that you can make the environment the way you want it, at the same time, it may imply laziness. You are too comfortable to try to change anything just because you got used to it.
I have some editing suggestions for you.
Who lived in a (an: use a only if u is pronounced you) ugly brown tree.
See the the (typo) hills,
At an old farmer's farmhouse. (repetition of farm)
no-where (nowhere) to go.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks a bunch
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You're welcome.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Bravo! The grass isn't greener on the other side. There is no Utopia. We have to make the best of what we have, for no one has it all. Excellent message, well told!
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Bravo! The grass isn't greener on the other side. There is no Utopia. We have to make the best of what we have, for no one has it all. Excellent message, well told!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
Comment from cinamonsunrise
Good story with the age old motto...the grass is not quite greener on the other side. I enjoyed the artwork and the imagery you conjured up with your words. Some quotation marks are missing. It's cadence seems off until you read it out loud. I have to say, I am curious about Missouri :-)..... Overall, fine write, cinamon
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Good story with the age old motto...the grass is not quite greener on the other side. I enjoyed the artwork and the imagery you conjured up with your words. Some quotation marks are missing. It's cadence seems off until you read it out loud. I have to say, I am curious about Missouri :-)..... Overall, fine write, cinamon
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
Comment from steevie
Entertaining poem for sure. So you were Mike the inch worm. The story moved along well and I'm sure kids would enjoy this poem as well.
Missouri is a bad place? You said stay away.
Couple things, you're missing some quotations marks.
Also, most of the time your metering is good but in some places, its off count and throws the readers concentration off.
If you read your poem aloud, you will hear the change up in cadence.
Otherwise, a fine poem.
steve
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Entertaining poem for sure. So you were Mike the inch worm. The story moved along well and I'm sure kids would enjoy this poem as well.
Missouri is a bad place? You said stay away.
Couple things, you're missing some quotations marks.
Also, most of the time your metering is good but in some places, its off count and throws the readers concentration off.
If you read your poem aloud, you will hear the change up in cadence.
Otherwise, a fine poem.
steve
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks for the edit..I'll look into it
you're welcome, Eric
it was a fun write
take care
steve
