Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Chapter thirteen; part one"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
73 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Something has not been explained, although I'm sure you're holding that for the next chapter or two. How did Hector find out about the safe house? I enjoyed this read and have two or three suggestions:
She said out-loud [aloud], "How do I find a Task Force cabin near Jackson Hole?" No spag, but I think "aloud" reads better.
"Maybe the system is setup [set up - two words] only to monitor somebody entering the house,"
"After studying each key, she figured out how to shutdown [shut down - two words] the system without setting off alarms."
Dave
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Barbara,
Something has not been explained, although I'm sure you're holding that for the next chapter or two. How did Hector find out about the safe house? I enjoyed this read and have two or three suggestions:
She said out-loud [aloud], "How do I find a Task Force cabin near Jackson Hole?" No spag, but I think "aloud" reads better.
"Maybe the system is setup [set up - two words] only to monitor somebody entering the house,"
"After studying each key, she figured out how to shutdown [shut down - two words] the system without setting off alarms."
Dave
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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I relied on my spellcheck for those two compound words and my spellcheck said they were alright. I don't have a clue, I'm a lousy speller. I have made those changes. Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.
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Barbara,
The spell check would have passed these two compound words. After all, they are valid, although not appropriately used here. For example:
The setup is complicated, but we need to set up this gizmo properly.
Dave
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Hey, there's not way I'm going to set up any gizmo properly....
Comment from missy98writer
Wow, Barbara this chapter blew me away. I wish they'd give us more sixes damn it! Very dramatic and suspense filled. Leya shot her father to save Steven. You did an outstanding job setting up the scene. I could feel Leya's struggle as she shot her father. Excellent dialogue, characterization and writing. I look forward to your next chapter. Did you check out Jonez08 (Cassandra's) latest chapter 'Winds of Adversary' it's fantastic too. We're not worthy of your talented pen, Barbara.
Your friend. . . Melissa!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Wow, Barbara this chapter blew me away. I wish they'd give us more sixes damn it! Very dramatic and suspense filled. Leya shot her father to save Steven. You did an outstanding job setting up the scene. I could feel Leya's struggle as she shot her father. Excellent dialogue, characterization and writing. I look forward to your next chapter. Did you check out Jonez08 (Cassandra's) latest chapter 'Winds of Adversary' it's fantastic too. We're not worthy of your talented pen, Barbara.
Your friend. . . Melissa!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Jonez08 has one heck of a story going for her. I follow her on a regular basis. I am totally into her story. Thank you for your review.
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How are you doing? I know you have knee surgery comming up.
Melissa.
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It's ankle surgery. I've torn two tendons in my left ankle. I am not too happy about that. We have 29 days of school left. It's really busy right now.
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Sorry I meant ankle. I'm having issues with my right knee I hit it hard on the railing of my hospital bed. I was up until 4pm this time until my knee started hurting me.
Melissa.
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That is not good at all. I hope the pain settles down.
Comment from ladybird
Sorry I haven't reviewed your work for a while, but I've caught up now, although not commented on all chapters, I've read them. It's good Steven and leya felt they could talk about each other's past. I did wonder why Leya wanted confirmation about her virginity, but that was explained very well.This last chapter is very good, what a twist, leya shooting her father. A very good read,I enjoyed all chapters.
Update. Yes, I'm sorry I miss-read. I see the events after the shooting Have been explained. But I still think it odd that Leya hasn't thought about her actions.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Sorry I haven't reviewed your work for a while, but I've caught up now, although not commented on all chapters, I've read them. It's good Steven and leya felt they could talk about each other's past. I did wonder why Leya wanted confirmation about her virginity, but that was explained very well.This last chapter is very good, what a twist, leya shooting her father. A very good read,I enjoyed all chapters.
Update. Yes, I'm sorry I miss-read. I see the events after the shooting Have been explained. But I still think it odd that Leya hasn't thought about her actions.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your support and the kind review.
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you're welcome.
Comment from hyway94
DI thought that maybe she would run away but not to the cabin. Maybe her mother, but to shoot her father is more than I expected. Very good and with no mistakes, and a wonderful word flow.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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DI thought that maybe she would run away but not to the cabin. Maybe her mother, but to shoot her father is more than I expected. Very good and with no mistakes, and a wonderful word flow.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RazberryBullet
WOW!!! Dramatic scene! Poor Leya was caught between killing her father or killing her husband. What a horrible decision to make. I can well imagine her being distraught.
Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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WOW!!! Dramatic scene! Poor Leya was caught between killing her father or killing her husband. What a horrible decision to make. I can well imagine her being distraught.
Well done!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Joan E.
Another well-crafted chapter, it's always a pleasure to read your work. I liked your use of italics for inner thoughts and the idea of the "I.O.U." as an explanation. (Toward the end, "understanding" lost its "d.") Your building of suspense was masterful as well. And, as I've said before, Matt always gives such good advice.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Another well-crafted chapter, it's always a pleasure to read your work. I liked your use of italics for inner thoughts and the idea of the "I.O.U." as an explanation. (Toward the end, "understanding" lost its "d.") Your building of suspense was masterful as well. And, as I've said before, Matt always gives such good advice.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I will search out the understanding.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
Can't say I'm sorry Hector is dead, but I am sorry for Leya..Killing your father, regardless of the reason would be torture. I hope Steven finds her quickly before the cartel gets her.
smiles,Carol
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Barbara,
Can't say I'm sorry Hector is dead, but I am sorry for Leya..Killing your father, regardless of the reason would be torture. I hope Steven finds her quickly before the cartel gets her.
smiles,Carol
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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We shall see. Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from bhogg
Well, I know that I should write a review that might be helpful to you, but what can I say. This was a good read, and kept my attention from start to finish. It was just over too soon!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Well, I know that I should write a review that might be helpful to you, but what can I say. This was a good read, and kept my attention from start to finish. It was just over too soon!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you fo your kind review. I apprecaite it.
Comment from lola29
Barbara, this is stnning writing. I sensed the exhilirating emotions of the scene where Leya had to choose between Steven and her father. I've got to say, I wasn't sure. She must be in shock after shooting her father. Fabulous!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Barbara, this is stnning writing. I sensed the exhilirating emotions of the scene where Leya had to choose between Steven and her father. I've got to say, I wasn't sure. She must be in shock after shooting her father. Fabulous!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a good story as always. I want to know more as usual. Your charcters remain strong and real. Leya shooting her father has made everything very intense. Can't wait to read more. Good job
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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What a good story as always. I want to know more as usual. Your charcters remain strong and real. Leya shooting her father has made everything very intense. Can't wait to read more. Good job
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
