I was born to.....
See the sparkle in the dew.111 total reviews
Comment from Chris Tee
These rhyming couplets are absolutely wonderful and graceful. The rhyming is excellent and overall this is great poetry. Well done indeed.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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These rhyming couplets are absolutely wonderful and graceful. The rhyming is excellent and overall this is great poetry. Well done indeed.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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Thanks so much Chris, for the great review, comments and support, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Roy,
when you know of your destiny... your path is an easier track to negotiate.
... And when your love is evident... which it is, then there is no hidden agenda to your desires.
Yes, this was a beautiful poem... with nothing but love woven through the material to cover you within its warmth... a wonderfully composed entry into this love poem poetry contest... all the very best!
With our thoughts we create,
our code to life,
James.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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Hi Roy,
when you know of your destiny... your path is an easier track to negotiate.
... And when your love is evident... which it is, then there is no hidden agenda to your desires.
Yes, this was a beautiful poem... with nothing but love woven through the material to cover you within its warmth... a wonderfully composed entry into this love poem poetry contest... all the very best!
With our thoughts we create,
our code to life,
James.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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Thanks so much James, for the great review, comments and support, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Carulhein
Lovely poem. I loved the line: I was born to hear the rhythmic beating of God's heart. I could sense the closeness. Great images and good flow. Heartfelt and beautiful.
Well done!
Carulhein
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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Lovely poem. I loved the line: I was born to hear the rhythmic beating of God's heart. I could sense the closeness. Great images and good flow. Heartfelt and beautiful.
Well done!
Carulhein
Comment Written 08-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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Thanks so much for the great review, comments and support, blessings, Roy.
Comment from salvatour
i like your poem very much firstly because it is a way of spreading the gospel and reachaing more people in the world secondly it shows that a human being was born to live a fulfilled life with God and when one lives a life in God he gets to see His blessings and His warm and tender love
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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i like your poem very much firstly because it is a way of spreading the gospel and reachaing more people in the world secondly it shows that a human being was born to live a fulfilled life with God and when one lives a life in God he gets to see His blessings and His warm and tender love
Comment Written 08-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015
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Thanks so much for the great review, comments and support, blessings, Roy.
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welcome may God bless you
Comment from His Grayness
Outstanding work Roy! Really enjoyed this lovely poem and have no ideas at all to improve upon it! Good luck in the contest and thanks for the lovely lift! Vance
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Outstanding work Roy! Really enjoyed this lovely poem and have no ideas at all to improve upon it! Good luck in the contest and thanks for the lovely lift! Vance
Comment Written 08-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the great review and comments My brother Vance, and the excellent rating, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Eigle Rull
What a well written poem of life and love of God. This was short, sweet, and to the point. I enjoyed reading it. It was interesting as it thanked God for being born. It held my attention very well. It was an excellent poem, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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What a well written poem of life and love of God. This was short, sweet, and to the point. I enjoyed reading it. It was interesting as it thanked God for being born. It held my attention very well. It was an excellent poem, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 08-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the great review and comments, and the excellent rating, I really appreciate them, blessings, Roy.
Comment from mfowler
This is a fine and original entry for the love poem contest, Roy. It was best to choose a love that is so much more complete than any human relationships may offer.
I was born to see the sunlight's sparkle in the dew,
light a candle in the dark, its firelight shine for you. ..this verse is beautifully lyrical and the imagery uncomplicated but visually beautiful. I'm assuming that the 'you' is Jesus.
I was born to feel the breeze blow warmly on my face,
and feel the rain fall softly as, gently as God's grace. ....here the imagery appeals to the sense of touch as much as it does sight. It's a love change up from the strongly visual imagery in verse 1. I think the comma would be far better placed immediately after 'softly'.
ie and feel the rain fall softly, as gently as God's grace
I was born to know the sight, to recognise love's creed,
joy to plant a little seed fulfilling all your need....Here you subtly turn the imagery towards the spiritual in a more concrete form while still maintaining connection to natural imagery. It works well at this point of the poem.
I was born to understand why Jesus sacrificed,
surrender all I have to Him, heart to love be spliced. ..Here, you've moved the poem to a full religious declaration of love for Jesus and your subsequent commitment.
I was born to hear the rhythmic beating of God's heart,
feel His loving warm embrace, let Him set me apart. ...This is an excellent ending as you make the 'love' for the 'love poem contest' be shown as something uniquely personal and by using such human imagery as 'beating of God's heart' and 'warm embrace' to describe relationship, you illuminate the meaning of a personal relationship with Christ.
I think the use of 'I was born' as mantra to open each verse shows a strong belief in the relationship, and it also builds a familiar rhythm that makes the poem easier to embrace as reader.
Lovely work. Hope you do well.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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This is a fine and original entry for the love poem contest, Roy. It was best to choose a love that is so much more complete than any human relationships may offer.
I was born to see the sunlight's sparkle in the dew,
light a candle in the dark, its firelight shine for you. ..this verse is beautifully lyrical and the imagery uncomplicated but visually beautiful. I'm assuming that the 'you' is Jesus.
I was born to feel the breeze blow warmly on my face,
and feel the rain fall softly as, gently as God's grace. ....here the imagery appeals to the sense of touch as much as it does sight. It's a love change up from the strongly visual imagery in verse 1. I think the comma would be far better placed immediately after 'softly'.
ie and feel the rain fall softly, as gently as God's grace
I was born to know the sight, to recognise love's creed,
joy to plant a little seed fulfilling all your need....Here you subtly turn the imagery towards the spiritual in a more concrete form while still maintaining connection to natural imagery. It works well at this point of the poem.
I was born to understand why Jesus sacrificed,
surrender all I have to Him, heart to love be spliced. ..Here, you've moved the poem to a full religious declaration of love for Jesus and your subsequent commitment.
I was born to hear the rhythmic beating of God's heart,
feel His loving warm embrace, let Him set me apart. ...This is an excellent ending as you make the 'love' for the 'love poem contest' be shown as something uniquely personal and by using such human imagery as 'beating of God's heart' and 'warm embrace' to describe relationship, you illuminate the meaning of a personal relationship with Christ.
I think the use of 'I was born' as mantra to open each verse shows a strong belief in the relationship, and it also builds a familiar rhythm that makes the poem easier to embrace as reader.
Lovely work. Hope you do well.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Wow Mark, no wonder you are considered a top reviewer you dissected it beautifully, sometimes I don't really consider everything I write so minutely, but I do revise and consider what I write as deeply as I can without losing the sometimes tight poetic discipline I'm engaged in! So thanks you have been so accurate in your analysis now and in the past, it is such a pleasure to read. One reviewer pulled it apart, there didn't seem to be anything he liked, fortunately only one, thanks again my friend, goes to show,we're only as good as our next work, we blessings, Roy.
Comment from christianpowers
Hi,
I had a lot of trouble reading through this smoothly, maybe it's me. I don't know.
Here are some of the things that struck me as odd...
>>> its firelight shine for you. <<< shouldn't that be 'its firelight shine(S) for you'?
>>> and feel the rain fall softly as, gently as God's grace.<<< shouldn't this be 'and feel the rain fall softly and as gently as God's grace'?
>>> joy to plant a little seed fulfilling all your need.<<< this incomplete sentence baffled me. Sometimes things in poems are meant to be vague, subject to many meanings. This one, however, was vague and a fragment.
>>> heart to love be spliced <<< that was a tough one, too.
And, finally...
>>> let Him set me apart. <<< wasn't too bad, but all the awkward lines before it made it pop out that much worse.
Sorry about this. Maybe, once again, it's me. That's why I didn't punish the poem with a lower rating. Art is in the eye of the beholder..
Christian
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Hi,
I had a lot of trouble reading through this smoothly, maybe it's me. I don't know.
Here are some of the things that struck me as odd...
>>> its firelight shine for you. <<< shouldn't that be 'its firelight shine(S) for you'?
>>> and feel the rain fall softly as, gently as God's grace.<<< shouldn't this be 'and feel the rain fall softly and as gently as God's grace'?
>>> joy to plant a little seed fulfilling all your need.<<< this incomplete sentence baffled me. Sometimes things in poems are meant to be vague, subject to many meanings. This one, however, was vague and a fragment.
>>> heart to love be spliced <<< that was a tough one, too.
And, finally...
>>> let Him set me apart. <<< wasn't too bad, but all the awkward lines before it made it pop out that much worse.
Sorry about this. Maybe, once again, it's me. That's why I didn't punish the poem with a lower rating. Art is in the eye of the beholder..
Christian
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Thanks for your review, thanks for the thoroughness of review, too much to tackle in answering. So you must consider it poor writing, I'm sorry for that. Blessings, Roy.
Comment from seaglass
I love rhyming couplets. they seem to give the poem so enduring simplicity. This is a lovely praise and prayer poem and depicts a peaceful spirit.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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I love rhyming couplets. they seem to give the poem so enduring simplicity. This is a lovely praise and prayer poem and depicts a peaceful spirit.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the great review and comments, and excellent rating, blessings, Roy.
Comment from MissMerri
What a clear and well-phrased statement of your purpose on earth. Each couplet was beautifully metered and rhymed and each one stated a step in spiritual growth in natural sequence. The pairing of 'sacrificed' and 'love be spliced' was unique and creative and carried the message so clearly. This is a lovely poem of faith and purpose. I enjoyed it very much. MM
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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What a clear and well-phrased statement of your purpose on earth. Each couplet was beautifully metered and rhymed and each one stated a step in spiritual growth in natural sequence. The pairing of 'sacrificed' and 'love be spliced' was unique and creative and carried the message so clearly. This is a lovely poem of faith and purpose. I enjoyed it very much. MM
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the great review and comments, Adonna, and excellent rating, blessings, Roy.
