Shadow of Action
Being an ingrate is deadly to one's existence and success65 total reviews
Comment from seaglass
Not enough can be said about the lack of care is given to preserving our planet. This 5-7-5 poem is clearly to the point. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Not enough can be said about the lack of care is given to preserving our planet. This 5-7-5 poem is clearly to the point. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks a milion
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is very profound. I had to ponder a minute and read the author notes before it sunk in. Good luck in the contest:)
teresa
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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This is very profound. I had to ponder a minute and read the author notes before it sunk in. Good luck in the contest:)
teresa
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Tatarka2
I know it's a 5-7-5, and that's a difficult format. Still, it just doesn't seem quite finished to me. Do you think it might be possible to re-word the final line? I think you mean "you may be crushed by your shelter," right? That isn't clear, though - it's ambiguous and doesn't flow lyrically, either, whether read silently or aloud. Still, I really admire you for attempting this format.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I know it's a 5-7-5, and that's a difficult format. Still, it just doesn't seem quite finished to me. Do you think it might be possible to re-word the final line? I think you mean "you may be crushed by your shelter," right? That isn't clear, though - it's ambiguous and doesn't flow lyrically, either, whether read silently or aloud. Still, I really admire you for attempting this format.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the observation. Noted.
Comment from Angel Debbie
Beating up the sky
Forgetting it's your shelter
You may be crushed by
My explanation of your 5-7-5 is "Beating up the sky" All the space junk we put up there satillights, pollution etc
"Forgetting it's our shelter" We need pure air to breathe with a clear sky and atmosphere.
"You maybe crushed by" As someday all the junk that is in our atmosphere will fall upon us in due time.
I like your thoughts if I had a six you would get it.
Thank You for sharing your care.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Beating up the sky
Forgetting it's your shelter
You may be crushed by
My explanation of your 5-7-5 is "Beating up the sky" All the space junk we put up there satillights, pollution etc
"Forgetting it's our shelter" We need pure air to breathe with a clear sky and atmosphere.
"You maybe crushed by" As someday all the junk that is in our atmosphere will fall upon us in due time.
I like your thoughts if I had a six you would get it.
Thank You for sharing your care.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much for your concise and great review. I really appreciate it!
Comment from Willowsong
Excellent point of fact to write upon. Meets the criteria. Not sure what the image is, but adds great intrigue. At first glance I thought perhaps bacteria under a microscope or pollen. Maybe you can enlighten me, lol. Worthy opponent :) Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Excellent point of fact to write upon. Meets the criteria. Not sure what the image is, but adds great intrigue. At first glance I thought perhaps bacteria under a microscope or pollen. Maybe you can enlighten me, lol. Worthy opponent :) Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you. I really appreciate your. The image is a reflection of how individuals contribute to ecosystem. You we are all attached to nature
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Indeed we are :)...and I appreciate the clarity on the image. Nicely put.
Comment from Zue65
You are damned so right poet, what you sow is what you reap. If you desecrate nature, you inflict the same wounds to yourself, it all comes back to you. thanks for sharing, God bless.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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You are damned so right poet, what you sow is what you reap. If you desecrate nature, you inflict the same wounds to yourself, it all comes back to you. thanks for sharing, God bless.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thanks a milion
Comment from Selina Stambi
If only everyone felt as passionate about the environment and realizes we are living in a time bomb.
Well expressed, Ola. Welcome to Fanstory. Best wishes for the contest. :)
Sonali
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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If only everyone felt as passionate about the environment and realizes we are living in a time bomb.
Well expressed, Ola. Welcome to Fanstory. Best wishes for the contest. :)
Sonali
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you
Comment from damettagin
Killing the ozone shadows impending doom. Love how you brought this all together. Well done. Welcome to Fanstory & good luck in the contest :) Dame
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Killing the ozone shadows impending doom. Love how you brought this all together. Well done. Welcome to Fanstory & good luck in the contest :) Dame
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much
Comment from bard owl
I was a bit lost as to the meaning of this poem - until I read the notes. The last line I feel is incomplete. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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I was a bit lost as to the meaning of this poem - until I read the notes. The last line I feel is incomplete. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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The last line? As regards the syllable? I will look into it. But it is in -5- syllabic pattern. Thanks
Comment from kiwijenny
Or in the vernacular ...we are pooping in our bath water ...
Your poem is by far a more elegant expression...Beating up the sky
........forgetting it's your shelter.....you may be crushed by....this is evidenced by the trash at the base of Mount Everest....
Well done
God bless
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Or in the vernacular ...we are pooping in our bath water ...
Your poem is by far a more elegant expression...Beating up the sky
........forgetting it's your shelter.....you may be crushed by....this is evidenced by the trash at the base of Mount Everest....
Well done
God bless
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thanks a million
