Destination: Hope
The Last Train Back61 total reviews
Comment from pipersfancy
Well, I have nothing to say that could add to this piece in any way - it is a perfect, reflective journey, and I celebrate the full-circle arrival back to Hope.
However, I will share a sad (although, strangely funny) story.
Several years ago while I was struggling immensely, I happened to attend a church service one Sunday. The topic for the sermon that day was of Hope... 15 minutes extolling the gift of HOPE, culminating in the final thought that it is the one thing in life that is always available to us... that we must cling to Hope as the life preserver that God has given to us.
Following the service, I drove south of the Twin Cities on I-35, passing quaint-sounding towns, and picturesque farms. Up ahead, a sign told me the town of Hope, MN was nearby. I took that as a good omen and decided to stop for a coffee. However, it was not to be. As I neared the exit, I was greeted by a sign with no explanation other than the words "HOPE CLOSED" and the exit blocked off by construction.
No hope for me, that day.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Well, I have nothing to say that could add to this piece in any way - it is a perfect, reflective journey, and I celebrate the full-circle arrival back to Hope.
However, I will share a sad (although, strangely funny) story.
Several years ago while I was struggling immensely, I happened to attend a church service one Sunday. The topic for the sermon that day was of Hope... 15 minutes extolling the gift of HOPE, culminating in the final thought that it is the one thing in life that is always available to us... that we must cling to Hope as the life preserver that God has given to us.
Following the service, I drove south of the Twin Cities on I-35, passing quaint-sounding towns, and picturesque farms. Up ahead, a sign told me the town of Hope, MN was nearby. I took that as a good omen and decided to stop for a coffee. However, it was not to be. As I neared the exit, I was greeted by a sign with no explanation other than the words "HOPE CLOSED" and the exit blocked off by construction.
No hope for me, that day.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Christina, for the sixer and your always great and thoughtful reviews. What a story! There's a great poem in there, too, you know? How ironic to find that an uplifting and fairytale moment was squashed so completely. Did you take a pic of the sign?
Comment from Darkhorse555
this was stunning beautifully drawn every soul outside the station was a life-entrusted friend loved how this drew beautiful in the mind excellent piece
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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this was stunning beautifully drawn every soul outside the station was a life-entrusted friend loved how this drew beautiful in the mind excellent piece
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, Darkhorse. I really appreciate it!
Comment from closetpoetjester
What an extraordinary write D and I love the personification of all the emotions as you depart Lonely Station. This train ride came full circle as I think you covered nearly every one of the angst ridden feelings we have when we are engaging in romantic suicide. The pace was urgent, yet felt filled with trepidation at what was around the next bend. Loved the Hopeful ending but the supportive words of the conductor were my absolute FAVE lines:
For only growing souls are going to the town of Hope today."
He laid his hand upon my shoulder, with a fatherly regard,
And said, "When scarred and slightly older, you accept that love is hard."
You are a serious master at this D and the only thing I picked up regarding the personified emotions in BOLD font was did you miss capitalising on "pity" in this line??
"Without a single trace of (pity), but a doubly-stated care."
I'm either eagle eyed, pedantic or AR...LOL You make the call. LOVED this, clever boy.
I have a passion for personification and I've written a couple of beauties too...not quite this extensive but in my own formidabble style...haha Choice write and it seems I can relent and give you some six today.
Hugs P
PS You make me want to be a better poet. Thank you. Oh and yes darlin'...there is ALWAYS tomorrow. X
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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What an extraordinary write D and I love the personification of all the emotions as you depart Lonely Station. This train ride came full circle as I think you covered nearly every one of the angst ridden feelings we have when we are engaging in romantic suicide. The pace was urgent, yet felt filled with trepidation at what was around the next bend. Loved the Hopeful ending but the supportive words of the conductor were my absolute FAVE lines:
For only growing souls are going to the town of Hope today."
He laid his hand upon my shoulder, with a fatherly regard,
And said, "When scarred and slightly older, you accept that love is hard."
You are a serious master at this D and the only thing I picked up regarding the personified emotions in BOLD font was did you miss capitalising on "pity" in this line??
"Without a single trace of (pity), but a doubly-stated care."
I'm either eagle eyed, pedantic or AR...LOL You make the call. LOVED this, clever boy.
I have a passion for personification and I've written a couple of beauties too...not quite this extensive but in my own formidabble style...haha Choice write and it seems I can relent and give you some six today.
Hugs P
PS You make me want to be a better poet. Thank you. Oh and yes darlin'...there is ALWAYS tomorrow. X
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Your'e so sweet, my friend, and beneath all of our flirtatious and tumescent carrying on, which is incredibly enjoyable, I also have a huge well of respect for your mind and depth, and for your intuitive nature.
To be honest, I can't remember if I meant to include pity as one of the stops, but it fits. I may change that. Thank you!
As always, I appreciate your review, your thoughts, and for sixing me so sweetly today. ;-)
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Of course it fits. LOL
I reckon Pity would make a fine stop name especially if the man heading to Hope decided that was a stop he didn't want to take.
Now, I gotta go look up tumescent...haha You got me on that one.
Sweet?
Me?
Awww okay, I concede. I'm a friggin' champion.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, excellent imagery presented in your rhyming couplets, going from love to heartache, journeying to hope while dealing with the other emotions that come with it. I enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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this is very well written, excellent imagery presented in your rhyming couplets, going from love to heartache, journeying to hope while dealing with the other emotions that come with it. I enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, my friend. I appreciate it.
Comment from kiwijenny
David, you have done it again! You have written a fantastic poem. It reminded me of John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress which I read to my kids. This is marvelous. And with a solitary token, I repaired my fractured heart.
Well.....hopefully....done!
God bless
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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David, you have done it again! You have written a fantastic poem. It reminded me of John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress which I read to my kids. This is marvelous. And with a solitary token, I repaired my fractured heart.
Well.....hopefully....done!
God bless
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Jenny, I really appreciate the six stars, and also your wonderful comments. Thank you so much! David
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
Wow--quite a trip, and some kind of redemption. What a great rhythm; I felt the music of the train moving along the tracks with the story. This would make a great song, but it's way to intelligent in this form--it would suffer lots of condensing to work as such. Kenny
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Wow--quite a trip, and some kind of redemption. What a great rhythm; I felt the music of the train moving along the tracks with the story. This would make a great song, but it's way to intelligent in this form--it would suffer lots of condensing to work as such. Kenny
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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I really appreciate that six, my friend. Thank you so much! Yes, for a song it would absolutely have to be simplified, although I've had one poem with this meter turned into one for a high school graduation ceremony. Many thanks, as always.
Comment from rt12345
WELL DONE!POEM SOUNDS GOOD.EXPRESSIONS ARE FRAMED IN AN EXCELLENT MANNER.FEELINGS ARE PROPERLY DESIGNED. MARVELOUS WORK AND A MASTER PIECE OF NATURE.WORDS ARE CHOSEN WITH A STYLE.
1
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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WELL DONE!POEM SOUNDS GOOD.EXPRESSIONS ARE FRAMED IN AN EXCELLENT MANNER.FEELINGS ARE PROPERLY DESIGNED. MARVELOUS WORK AND A MASTER PIECE OF NATURE.WORDS ARE CHOSEN WITH A STYLE.
1
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, rt12345. I appreciate the very kind words and great review.
Comment from robina1978
This is absolutely great. The fat printed words almost say it all. From suicidal going to hope. Good rhyme, internal rhyme and meter.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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This is absolutely great. The fat printed words almost say it all. From suicidal going to hope. Good rhyme, internal rhyme and meter.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Ine. I really appreciate the six rating and your very kind words.
Comment from tfawcus
Pilgrim's Progress with a difference! Clever internal rhyming. I don't know about you, but I would find that quite hard to sustain over a poem of this length. The circularity of the round trip brings a satisfying sense of closure to the poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Pilgrim's Progress with a difference! Clever internal rhyming. I don't know about you, but I would find that quite hard to sustain over a poem of this length. The circularity of the round trip brings a satisfying sense of closure to the poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Tony! You're the second one who mentioned Pilgrim's Progress, and I can see that now. I really appreciate your kind words. I do like writing these long poems on occasion, if inspired well.
Comment from Rondeno
"I purged the urge to grieve" - delightful! Well, what can I say? Another poetic tour de force, displaying easy mastery of your verse form ... and as you quite rightly point out, it SAYS something (without that, we might as well be doing crossword puzzles). Respect, David.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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"I purged the urge to grieve" - delightful! Well, what can I say? Another poetic tour de force, displaying easy mastery of your verse form ... and as you quite rightly point out, it SAYS something (without that, we might as well be doing crossword puzzles). Respect, David.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Mikey, thank you so much for the validation of the sixer, and the even greater validation of your wonderful comments. I appreciate them, and I appreciate YOU, my friend. Thank you!
