Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Chapter thirteen; part one"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
73 total reviews
Comment from Arkine
I can't blame her, for shooting him, or being terribly upset about it. Hopefully, Steven will be able to find her soon. Just one thing:
While flying to Jackson Hole, she continued to search the file for the address.
Just before the jet landed in Jackson Hole, she found the address. - These two sentences are a little repetative.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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I can't blame her, for shooting him, or being terribly upset about it. Hopefully, Steven will be able to find her soon. Just one thing:
While flying to Jackson Hole, she continued to search the file for the address.
Just before the jet landed in Jackson Hole, she found the address. - These two sentences are a little repetative.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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I will see about rewriting those two sentences. I have already rewritten that area, I have lost count of the times, and it's still not right. Thank you for your review.
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No worries, it happens to everyone. ;)
Comment from Donovan
Whack you dad and hope the guy loves you. I think some Dialectical Behavior Therapy is on the horizon. I am wondering where the Leya's of the world were when I was looking. Of course they were looking for more than they got. Great story. I look forward to see where you go with all of this.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Whack you dad and hope the guy loves you. I think some Dialectical Behavior Therapy is on the horizon. I am wondering where the Leya's of the world were when I was looking. Of course they were looking for more than they got. Great story. I look forward to see where you go with all of this.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your funny review. Your reviews always keep my laughing. Thank you for the laugh.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Wow, that was exciting. First Leya escapes from the safe house, makes her way to the cabin just in time to save Steven's life, by shooting her father.
What I can't understand is why she ran away again from the cabin, after shooting her father.
Juliette
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Wow, that was exciting. First Leya escapes from the safe house, makes her way to the cabin just in time to save Steven's life, by shooting her father.
What I can't understand is why she ran away again from the cabin, after shooting her father.
Juliette
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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I think she's in shock, but not sure... Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from laurelp
Now there's a twist I didn't expect. Very interesting one as well. Men and their egos. Very nicely written with just enough to understand without going into great detail about the shooting.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Now there's a twist I didn't expect. Very interesting one as well. Men and their egos. Very nicely written with just enough to understand without going into great detail about the shooting.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written chapter with very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Peggy by keep her guard up. Leya is taking no prisoners. Good job.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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This is a very well written chapter with very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Peggy by keep her guard up. Leya is taking no prisoners. Good job.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from FredCollingwood
What a quandry. She had to whack her father to save her husband. (I hope this marriage lasts)
Steven had set up his desk the same as he did at the previous safe house() and the money was in the same desk drawer. > add comma
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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What a quandry. She had to whack her father to save her husband. (I hope this marriage lasts)
Steven had set up his desk the same as he did at the previous safe house() and the money was in the same desk drawer. > add comma
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Fart, I know I have mentioned I hate comma's. I thought I had them covered this time. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi barbara
So Leya has shot her father. Now the fat is definitely in the fire and the cartel will be arming for war. I noticed that this chapter seems to be a stilted for some reason, perhaps you need to revisit and take a look. Here is an example -
Steven reached over and checked Hector for a pulse - no pulse. Steven ran to door. "Leya, wait, don't leave." He tried to see which way Leya ran before he picked up the gun, took out his cell phone, and called Matt. "How'd Leya get all the way out here without any security?" - perhaps you could avoid the repeat of the name in close proximity and try something like -
Steven reached over and checked the fallen Don for a pulse - there was none. He ran to door. "Leya, wait, don't leave." He tried to see which way she'd gone before he picked up the gun, took out his cell phone, and called Matt. "How'd Leya get all the way out here without any security?"
Good luck
Patrick
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Hi barbara
So Leya has shot her father. Now the fat is definitely in the fire and the cartel will be arming for war. I noticed that this chapter seems to be a stilted for some reason, perhaps you need to revisit and take a look. Here is an example -
Steven reached over and checked Hector for a pulse - no pulse. Steven ran to door. "Leya, wait, don't leave." He tried to see which way Leya ran before he picked up the gun, took out his cell phone, and called Matt. "How'd Leya get all the way out here without any security?" - perhaps you could avoid the repeat of the name in close proximity and try something like -
Steven reached over and checked the fallen Don for a pulse - there was none. He ran to door. "Leya, wait, don't leave." He tried to see which way she'd gone before he picked up the gun, took out his cell phone, and called Matt. "How'd Leya get all the way out here without any security?"
Good luck
Patrick
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for the assistance with that. I apprecaite it and will take care of it ASAP.
Comment from Mariea
Good morning Barbara. Another good fast paced chapter that's keeping me interested throughout. Thorough editing and without any clutter. Characters and dialogue consistent. Looking forward to the next one.
have a great day, hugs Mia
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Good morning Barbara. Another good fast paced chapter that's keeping me interested throughout. Thorough editing and without any clutter. Characters and dialogue consistent. Looking forward to the next one.
have a great day, hugs Mia
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from eliz100
This chapter is well-written, of course. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Wow! Leya chapter shot her father, can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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This chapter is well-written, of course. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Wow! Leya chapter shot her father, can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
Wow, Barbara - that was just one damned exciting chapter - I mean, DAMNED exciting - she is one determined, resourceful, gutsy broad. :-) She is my hero. I just love everything about this chapter - and now Steven has to find her and tell her how much he loves her. Brooke
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Wow, Barbara - that was just one damned exciting chapter - I mean, DAMNED exciting - she is one determined, resourceful, gutsy broad. :-) She is my hero. I just love everything about this chapter - and now Steven has to find her and tell her how much he loves her. Brooke
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I apprecaite your support.
