With Each Passing Day
Was it love at first sight?43 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
Nomi338, what a wonderful story about a fanciful dream. Your poem is all the more compelling and relevant because it is about African American romance and it is illustrated by African American art. They are both so hard to come by on FanStory, that I am surprised and delighted when it appears in posts like yours.
I love your tactile descriptions of senses of smell, taste, and touch as the two fall in love:
As I passed it to her, I smelled her vanilla scented perfume and our hands briefly touched.
And.
Her voice was like honey poured over my favorite dish
This makes for a delicious union which lasted a lifetime. You conclude:
We have been married for many years now and her still beautiful face has a few wrinkles; her thick black hair has a few strands of gray and her middle is a little thicker now.
Wonderful!
Since this is more a prose poem, I suggest putting your lines as one block paragraph instead of trying to write a conventional poem of one sentence per line. use proper periods at the end of lines if you write this as a paragraph. This is still poetry.
One spag: as it (may) sound or seem,
Thank you for sharing your delightful, romantic poem.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Nomi338, what a wonderful story about a fanciful dream. Your poem is all the more compelling and relevant because it is about African American romance and it is illustrated by African American art. They are both so hard to come by on FanStory, that I am surprised and delighted when it appears in posts like yours.
I love your tactile descriptions of senses of smell, taste, and touch as the two fall in love:
As I passed it to her, I smelled her vanilla scented perfume and our hands briefly touched.
And.
Her voice was like honey poured over my favorite dish
This makes for a delicious union which lasted a lifetime. You conclude:
We have been married for many years now and her still beautiful face has a few wrinkles; her thick black hair has a few strands of gray and her middle is a little thicker now.
Wonderful!
Since this is more a prose poem, I suggest putting your lines as one block paragraph instead of trying to write a conventional poem of one sentence per line. use proper periods at the end of lines if you write this as a paragraph. This is still poetry.
One spag: as it (may) sound or seem,
Thank you for sharing your delightful, romantic poem.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thanks Bro. I appreciate your valued comments and advice. This piece was lost to me for some time, when I found it I could not believe that I had not only written it, but had also misplaced it.
Comment from Cal Amborn
Fun! I could sense the realism throughout the story, despite it being fake. I liked the initial meeting, it felt so real. The photo adds to the poem because it gives you a visual of the main characters love and gives you context on who she is.
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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Fun! I could sense the realism throughout the story, despite it being fake. I liked the initial meeting, it felt so real. The photo adds to the poem because it gives you a visual of the main characters love and gives you context on who she is.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you, I searched high and low for just the right photo image. I wanted a woman with classic good looks. There are many women who look just fine, but I had an idea of what this woman should look like and just any attractive woman would not do.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a fanciful, beautiful love dream poem, very well said and well done the dreamful thought, it was a lovely pleasant read. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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This is a fanciful, beautiful love dream poem, very well said and well done the dreamful thought, it was a lovely pleasant read. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much. This was written before I joined FanStory and so it does not really reflect many of the lessons I have learned since joining. I did do some editing but I would probably have written it differently if I was writing it now.
