Cut and Run
A Salon Vivant Mystery53 total reviews
Comment from Michaelk
A very intriguing beginning. Being that it said crime mystery, I'm already looking for clues to a crime that hasn't even been committed. :)
Your descriptions were incredibly detailed. Not so much that they became tedious, but just enough to give this story a very realistic setting and depth. You did a very wise thing in breaking up your paragraphs into smaller sections and inserting dialogue. It kept this story moving smoothly.
Great start, I plan to follow along. You've piqued my curiosity.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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A very intriguing beginning. Being that it said crime mystery, I'm already looking for clues to a crime that hasn't even been committed. :)
Your descriptions were incredibly detailed. Not so much that they became tedious, but just enough to give this story a very realistic setting and depth. You did a very wise thing in breaking up your paragraphs into smaller sections and inserting dialogue. It kept this story moving smoothly.
Great start, I plan to follow along. You've piqued my curiosity.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi, Michaelk. Thanks so much for checking out my story. I appreciate your thorough review and insights. I had to make a choice on category, and since there's a looming twist to the story, I had to go with what only I know at this point LoL.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from tbacha58
Well well, here I come for the first time, I will read your story from the beginning, and get to keep in touch. I so much enjoyed reading your story, as I met you, I can feel the strong self assurance you have, with the way the story is written, and I like the Boss very much.
Good luck, so so nice meeting you, I enjoyed my stay to the maximum, and I hope next stop would be in San Francisco. Love Terry xoxo
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Well well, here I come for the first time, I will read your story from the beginning, and get to keep in touch. I so much enjoyed reading your story, as I met you, I can feel the strong self assurance you have, with the way the story is written, and I like the Boss very much.
Good luck, so so nice meeting you, I enjoyed my stay to the maximum, and I hope next stop would be in San Francisco. Love Terry xoxo
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi, Terry. Thank you so much, lovely lady, for this gracious and very generous review. Hair salons make great fodder for stories and Lord knows I've spent half my life in them LoL. I'm so glad you liked the first installment of this story.
It was a total delight to meet you, too, Terry. You are beautiful inside and out! I find your attitude and vitality very inspiring.
Love, Bev
Comment from Drew Delaney
Salon Vivant is located the heart of Old Town. (word missing)
This is great! So far, just the cake. But can't wait for the frosting. LOL
Nice intro and great imagery. Well written. Drew xxoo
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Salon Vivant is located the heart of Old Town. (word missing)
This is great! So far, just the cake. But can't wait for the frosting. LOL
Nice intro and great imagery. Well written. Drew xxoo
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the great review and catching that omission. Appreciate it! :) Bev
Comment from judiverse
This is six stars great! You do a great job of setting up the situation and characters. I think you've got added interest with the festival time, especially as fall is the time of year that's ripe for festivals of one kind or another. Nikki sounds like a smart business woman, determined to make her salon a success and to grow her business. I've had some experiences with stylists who can't be depended upon to show up. Deirdre has flat-out lies about her reasons for needing the day off. Great description of the building. I've seen more than a few that look like that one. judi
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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This is six stars great! You do a great job of setting up the situation and characters. I think you've got added interest with the festival time, especially as fall is the time of year that's ripe for festivals of one kind or another. Nikki sounds like a smart business woman, determined to make her salon a success and to grow her business. I've had some experiences with stylists who can't be depended upon to show up. Deirdre has flat-out lies about her reasons for needing the day off. Great description of the building. I've seen more than a few that look like that one. judi
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi, Judi. Thanks so much for this great review. I really appreciate your support and generosity.
This is a thinly veiled description of my hometown during our big summer festival. Glad you found the read interesting and could relate to parts of my descriptions. I'm going between my paranormal novel and this short story series. Hope it's not confusing.
:) Bev
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Hi, Bev. You're welcome. I did enjoy this. Fall is our time for festivals here in Indiana, although maple sugar and mushrooms come in for their share of attention in the spring. You've really set the stage in this one, and I'll be eager to see what develops. judi
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Thanks again, Judi. I love the harvest season with its festivals as well. Especially Oktoberfest which features my favorite German foods. Well, and beer too.
Hugs, Bev
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We have an Octoberfest here. There is an Oberlander club that has a big tent and has all the German foods. I didn't attend this year. judi
Comment from jaeladarling
Interesting beginning. I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out. :)
A handful of nits for your consideration:
"I weighed" (Is this bolded for a reason?)
"the Festival is expected" (You started with "I weighed" - past tense - and now you have "is" - present tense. Make sure your verbs all agree.)
"for February when the only" (Comma after "February")
"I, usually, attend" (No commas)
"I wonder if it's true piercings of that type enhance pleasure?" (This is a little hard to grasp on the first read. Adding "that" after "true" would be a great help. Also, a question mark is awkward here. You're telling us that you wondered, so a period would work.)
"I'm lost in images that conjures for me," (Add "the" after "in")
"and come down to earth" (Add "I" after "and" since you have a comma preceding this.)
"great equalizer and this place" (Comma after "equalizer")
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Interesting beginning. I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out. :)
A handful of nits for your consideration:
"I weighed" (Is this bolded for a reason?)
"the Festival is expected" (You started with "I weighed" - past tense - and now you have "is" - present tense. Make sure your verbs all agree.)
"for February when the only" (Comma after "February")
"I, usually, attend" (No commas)
"I wonder if it's true piercings of that type enhance pleasure?" (This is a little hard to grasp on the first read. Adding "that" after "true" would be a great help. Also, a question mark is awkward here. You're telling us that you wondered, so a period would work.)
"I'm lost in images that conjures for me," (Add "the" after "in")
"and come down to earth" (Add "I" after "and" since you have a comma preceding this.)
"great equalizer and this place" (Comma after "equalizer")
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks for taking to read and offer your suggestions, jaeladarling. I appreciate both. :)
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Wow! What a surprise, Bev. I was expecting a paranormal chapter and got Chynna! This promises to be a great story. I have a feeling you're toying with your readers . . . a seemingly innocent story about a dishonest employee. I sense there is LOTS more to this "mystery and crime fiction" piece. I guess I'm one of your "trained" readers; always looking for the spider around the corner. Super job, but don't give up on the ghosts!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Wow! What a surprise, Bev. I was expecting a paranormal chapter and got Chynna! This promises to be a great story. I have a feeling you're toying with your readers . . . a seemingly innocent story about a dishonest employee. I sense there is LOTS more to this "mystery and crime fiction" piece. I guess I'm one of your "trained" readers; always looking for the spider around the corner. Super job, but don't give up on the ghosts!
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much, Marietta. You are so funny! Yes, there's a little matter of something in the closet, so to speak. And I haven't given up on my novel. Just a little behind in my re-editing before posting the next chapter later this week. I like to jump around and keep readers on their toes LoL.
Thanks for your generosity and always-gracious encouragement.
:) Bev
Comment from Connie C
Here are the things I really like the most about this story of yours, Bev:
--clever title
--the clever way you describe "loco in motion" (crowds on their cell phones)
--good description of setting and the walk to work each morning
--as always, excellent command of use of dialogue especially with the flippant girl at the bagel shop.
Is this the beginning of a new novel or an extended story? Either way, I like it so far!
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Here are the things I really like the most about this story of yours, Bev:
--clever title
--the clever way you describe "loco in motion" (crowds on their cell phones)
--good description of setting and the walk to work each morning
--as always, excellent command of use of dialogue especially with the flippant girl at the bagel shop.
Is this the beginning of a new novel or an extended story? Either way, I like it so far!
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi, Connie. This is an extended story for the moment LoL. I like the challenge of writing in first person. It's a different approach, so I'm really glad you liked the dialogue.
Thank you so much for this awesome review. I appreciate both your support and generosity, my friend.
Big Hug,
Bev
Comment from royowen
What a bummer, Deidre is taking advantage of Nikki, not unusual in this day and age, it reminds me of a scripture that says, "what is sown in the darkness will be brought to the light" it's one of those immutable laws like gravity! I loved this interesting chapter, well written, good design and composed well, believable characters good tale telling, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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What a bummer, Deidre is taking advantage of Nikki, not unusual in this day and age, it reminds me of a scripture that says, "what is sown in the darkness will be brought to the light" it's one of those immutable laws like gravity! I loved this interesting chapter, well written, good design and composed well, believable characters good tale telling, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi, Roy. Thanks for the great review! So glad you enjoyed this first part of my story. And I really appreciate you specifically mentioning what you liked. Warmest regards, Bev
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You're welcome Bev,
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:)
Comment from onebrit
This happens all the time. People get sick of working and want to have time off to do fun things, its inconvenient as it means that everyone else has to pick up the slack...nicely written, good dialogue
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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This happens all the time. People get sick of working and want to have time off to do fun things, its inconvenient as it means that everyone else has to pick up the slack...nicely written, good dialogue
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much for this grand review, onebrit. I appreciate you reading part one. There's a nice little twist coming to this tale. :) Bev
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
I don't review much fiction, but this little slice of Nikki's life had me captivated from the first sentence. You made everyday life in that little town interesting, especially during the Cherry Harvest Festival. I enjoyed that encounter with the rude employee in the bagel shop.
Not that it's surprising, but I'm struck again with what a good writer you are. Your dialogue reads very smoothly and believably.
For what it's worth: when my browser was set to its smaller size, the "I" that starts this piece appeared way up at the top, to the right of the picture, so that I missed it completely at first and therefore couldn't make sense of the first sentence for a moment. I wonder if that could be remedied by spacing down another line or two at the beginning. That has happened to some of my writing before, and that easy maneuver worked for me.
Love and good wishes,
Jeanie
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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I don't review much fiction, but this little slice of Nikki's life had me captivated from the first sentence. You made everyday life in that little town interesting, especially during the Cherry Harvest Festival. I enjoyed that encounter with the rude employee in the bagel shop.
Not that it's surprising, but I'm struck again with what a good writer you are. Your dialogue reads very smoothly and believably.
For what it's worth: when my browser was set to its smaller size, the "I" that starts this piece appeared way up at the top, to the right of the picture, so that I missed it completely at first and therefore couldn't make sense of the first sentence for a moment. I wonder if that could be remedied by spacing down another line or two at the beginning. That has happened to some of my writing before, and that easy maneuver worked for me.
Love and good wishes,
Jeanie
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi, Jeanie. Thank you so much for this complimentary and very generous review. I also appreciate your noting that issue with the way the line was showing. I've bolded it, hoping that will help. Always good to hear from you, my friend. Love, Bev
