A Book of ... Free Verse (Vol.1)
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Syphilography"Metre ... Freeverse
69 total reviews
Comment from Aaron James
Hi Bicpen
This is an intriguing write and I think I understand the metaphor. If I am right then I think this is a remarkable write and a very stark message.
It seems that you aim your irritation at those who would offer suggestions for change to your work rather than simply express how they receive it. Any change that needs to be made will be made by yourself based upon your own assessment of how it was received.
The use of "Syphilography" is an interesting metaphor and describes a disease that destructively wastes and is highly virulent. Eliminate the disease to enable the writing to be clean?
If my understanding is right then my compliments to you for a powerful poem.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Hi Bicpen
This is an intriguing write and I think I understand the metaphor. If I am right then I think this is a remarkable write and a very stark message.
It seems that you aim your irritation at those who would offer suggestions for change to your work rather than simply express how they receive it. Any change that needs to be made will be made by yourself based upon your own assessment of how it was received.
The use of "Syphilography" is an interesting metaphor and describes a disease that destructively wastes and is highly virulent. Eliminate the disease to enable the writing to be clean?
If my understanding is right then my compliments to you for a powerful poem.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Thank you, much appreciated glad you could perceive and understand the issue, so to speak.
Comment from JennyB32
Wow! This was quite a unique way to get a message across. I love it. Your words are powerful and very attention grabbing. The title itself demands that you read the poem. "Just pure honest reflection", very powerful line. Love this poem!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Wow! This was quite a unique way to get a message across. I love it. Your words are powerful and very attention grabbing. The title itself demands that you read the poem. "Just pure honest reflection", very powerful line. Love this poem!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Thanks J, much appreciated.
Comment from mauial
My pure honest reflection is that this is a rant that may or may not be well deserved because you may be too thin skinned to accept correction. To you my review may be this disease. But I don't give a crap, I call it like I see it.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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My pure honest reflection is that this is a rant that may or may not be well deserved because you may be too thin skinned to accept correction. To you my review may be this disease. But I don't give a crap, I call it like I see it.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Then perhaps you wold like to explain your reason for the four, after all this is what its about, could you explain where the piece fails technically and address the issues for me that I need to take it to a 5 in your opinion, otherwise your opinion is bollocks, if i may say so...
I wasn't even going to give you a four but did despite this stanza that I think doesn't make sense because at all to me as you seem to be talking about 2 different things instead of sticking to the subject at hand.
Syphilis writing disease,
carried through
recently infected vessels;
physically is caused by
impure sexual intercourse.
Secondly outside of FS would this poem stand on its own? I don't think so. I usallly don't review such rants as I find them childish, but I've seen so much of them I just had to this time.
Comment from Elizabeth Daniels
Very well done. I'm sure we have all had some reviews that we did not agree with. This is certainly an original way to answer some critics. Elizabeth Daniels.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Very well done. I'm sure we have all had some reviews that we did not agree with. This is certainly an original way to answer some critics. Elizabeth Daniels.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Excellent. I dont mind critics if they take the time to explain temselves and when they do I lie to think theyknow what their talking about.
Comment from petervs
Although I have no idea what this poem means. The words you used did kind of flow, it shows you have a talent for writng, but the word syphilis is not quite a pleasant word to read every 3rd line. =p
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Although I have no idea what this poem means. The words you used did kind of flow, it shows you have a talent for writng, but the word syphilis is not quite a pleasant word to read every 3rd line. =p
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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The reasonfor the word being obtrusiveis because it is themetaphor I am describing...it a force of issue.
Comment from adewpearl
Good internal rhyme in your opening line
I take it that this is an extended metaphor describing certain reviews as a kind of disease, like syphilis, certainly a powerful way to characterize them :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Good internal rhyme in your opening line
I take it that this is an extended metaphor describing certain reviews as a kind of disease, like syphilis, certainly a powerful way to characterize them :-) Brooke
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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You got it.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a good honest poem I think and a caring one sexual diseases are ripe these days especially among the young thank you for caring and sharing
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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This is a good honest poem I think and a caring one sexual diseases are ripe these days especially among the young thank you for caring and sharing
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Education is what its all about, my friend.
Comment from donaldww
This is an interesting metaphor you've created here: Correction is an infection, syphilis writing disease.
You've hit a nail squarely on the head. Thanks for sharing.
DW
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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This is an interesting metaphor you've created here: Correction is an infection, syphilis writing disease.
You've hit a nail squarely on the head. Thanks for sharing.
DW
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Thanks dww.
Comment from cvcopac
I've wrote several verses on this issue, none as metaphoric as this one. I just cussed everyone out; you laid a curse on'm. Very tactful Mr. Bic, I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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I've wrote several verses on this issue, none as metaphoric as this one. I just cussed everyone out; you laid a curse on'm. Very tactful Mr. Bic, I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Thank you, much appreciated.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I am giving you this because I have to say I have never ever heard or thought of V.D. and writing in the same sentence. Quite an eye opening poem and somehow satisfying. Makes me think I should get my writing checked.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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I am giving you this because I have to say I have never ever heard or thought of V.D. and writing in the same sentence. Quite an eye opening poem and somehow satisfying. Makes me think I should get my writing checked.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012
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Exactly my friend by a reputable prescriber I hope...
