Fire Inside
A short poem162 total reviews
Comment from mermaids
You're fire in the dark is my favorite line. It is a fitting last line to your words. Excellent haiku form that creates a vivid picture.
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You're fire in the dark is my favorite line. It is a fitting last line to your words. Excellent haiku form that creates a vivid picture.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from guinea
well written I thought . Shows deep compassion and love for one. The words flow nicely. The rhyming is good. The picture goes well.
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well written I thought . Shows deep compassion and love for one. The words flow nicely. The rhyming is good. The picture goes well.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from Frank Atwood
Very good, but correct me if I'm wrong. The last line has 6 syllables not five.
You're/1 fi/re2 in/1 the/1 dark/1= 6.
I gave you 5 stars because it's worth an all time best, blue ribbon, which is something I've never gotten. Good job. God bless and keep up the writing.
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Very good, but correct me if I'm wrong. The last line has 6 syllables not five.
You're/1 fi/re2 in/1 the/1 dark/1= 6.
I gave you 5 stars because it's worth an all time best, blue ribbon, which is something I've never gotten. Good job. God bless and keep up the writing.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from judiverse
You did a fine job with this 5-7-5, Vincent. You got the syllable count down right, and your use of the fire analogy is great (spark, embers, fire in the dark). You came up with an excellent last line. Your description seems to be of a lady who can ignite strong passion. Great selection of artwork too. judiverse
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You did a fine job with this 5-7-5, Vincent. You got the syllable count down right, and your use of the fire analogy is great (spark, embers, fire in the dark). You came up with an excellent last line. Your description seems to be of a lady who can ignite strong passion. Great selection of artwork too. judiverse
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from koolaid228
Very nicely done,sometimes poems with few words have a lot to say , and that's what you did on this one, your choice of visuals only enhances your words,I can feel the heat,thank you for sharing. koolaid
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Very nicely done,sometimes poems with few words have a lot to say , and that's what you did on this one, your choice of visuals only enhances your words,I can feel the heat,thank you for sharing. koolaid
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from rashi kumar
Wonderful alliteration(1st line),
good rhyming and such a great 5/7/5,
a big deal to say so much powerfully in 17 syllables.
Very appealing presentation!
All the best, Vincent!
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Wonderful alliteration(1st line),
good rhyming and such a great 5/7/5,
a big deal to say so much powerfully in 17 syllables.
Very appealing presentation!
All the best, Vincent!
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from FranScholan
I like this poem very much, especially the second line "you pour embers from my heart" - very nicely worded!
Your last line, however, misses the rhythm of the 5-7-5 as it has a syllable count of 6 instead of 5, so a re-think may be needed there.
Good luck with the contest! :)
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I like this poem very much, especially the second line "you pour embers from my heart" - very nicely worded!
Your last line, however, misses the rhythm of the 5-7-5 as it has a syllable count of 6 instead of 5, so a re-think may be needed there.
Good luck with the contest! :)
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from James crofoot
Sounded pretty sincere. Pretty good little poem. It really said a good deal in brevity. Sometimes that the best way. Yeah about the author's note, It's not as easy as it seems, you have to express so much in so little words.
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Sounded pretty sincere. Pretty good little poem. It really said a good deal in brevity. Sometimes that the best way. Yeah about the author's note, It's not as easy as it seems, you have to express so much in so little words.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from Heather Wilkes
Very good for your first 5-7-5 poem! Syllable count is perfect, you've carried a coherent theme throughout, and the entire thing presents itself very well as a whole. Good job!
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Very good for your first 5-7-5 poem! Syllable count is perfect, you've carried a coherent theme throughout, and the entire thing presents itself very well as a whole. Good job!
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
Comment from Heaven Bound
I know what you mean. Trying to get a message across in 17 syllables is tough. to me, you did accomplish establishing the point and bringing it to a good conclusion. Thanks.
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I know what you mean. Trying to get a message across in 17 syllables is tough. to me, you did accomplish establishing the point and bringing it to a good conclusion. Thanks.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2012
