CRITICAL ... A-claim
a lesson in iambing and enjambing ...61 total reviews
Comment from jshep
That your do, malady, is write in proper da and dum's. This poem rolled off the tongue, old girl, and brought a huge smile to my face. "well bask in four's finality" - lol great line. a few trillers on this site. I have a best mate on this site that has to swallow pretty hard when a four comes along. You are at the top with your reviews, and anyone should feel great if you take the time to give such constructive critiques and the deserved rating with it- as you did with this bloke. (I peaked. :)) Spot on rhyme and love the temperament of the emotions flowing through your words. Excellent write, CPJ. Joyce
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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That your do, malady, is write in proper da and dum's. This poem rolled off the tongue, old girl, and brought a huge smile to my face. "well bask in four's finality" - lol great line. a few trillers on this site. I have a best mate on this site that has to swallow pretty hard when a four comes along. You are at the top with your reviews, and anyone should feel great if you take the time to give such constructive critiques and the deserved rating with it- as you did with this bloke. (I peaked. :)) Spot on rhyme and love the temperament of the emotions flowing through your words. Excellent write, CPJ. Joyce
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Haha thanks Joyce, you review puts a bright smile on this old girls face yes...I think I may know the mate you speak of...a stearling writer no doubt. *wink*...I just don't understand the attacking nature of some people when you offer help when you KNOW you can genuinely improve it and I don't mean that in a big headed way. After all its only one persons opinion but I only ask the author run it by his ear and be open to improving it. Thats all...perhaps my expectations are TOO high for those touting top ten status... Loved your review sweet lady.
Thanks so much
Cheers CPJ xo
Comment from despiser
You're bad. If you can't behave, then back in your cage with you LOL. Very nice da Dum - ta da!
Drum roll please. It seems criminal I have to rate this one the same as last one when it's so much better, unless I well, nah never mind LOL
Very good cpJfB, a virtual sixer
xxxx
Baddy Wabby
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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You're bad. If you can't behave, then back in your cage with you LOL. Very nice da Dum - ta da!
Drum roll please. It seems criminal I have to rate this one the same as last one when it's so much better, unless I well, nah never mind LOL
Very good cpJfB, a virtual sixer
xxxx
Baddy Wabby
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Okay...so I'm a widdle cwimina...whoops I mean cwitical...haha...siwwiusly, peeps here need to relax and take good suggestions on the chin...rather than assoooome its some kind of attack on their feeble da DUMs...or is it DUM da's..?? Wabby sure as shit knows da diffewence. Fanks DEE...loved your review. Bad Wabbs Bunken xoxo
Comment from Frankeddy
I love this one also and one of the lines I love your damn computer loused up.
3rd verse That. ( see I do read them ). I have only had one depressing review
that bothered me and I am visualizing this poem is meant for him.
The poem is meaningful with a good purpose and your lovely rhyming.
I also enjoy your Author notes. Thank you I'm still learning.
You have given me the encouragement , to keep plugging away.
Very well done. Ed.
Marg says you have that special politeness with words. ha ha ha
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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I love this one also and one of the lines I love your damn computer loused up.
3rd verse That. ( see I do read them ). I have only had one depressing review
that bothered me and I am visualizing this poem is meant for him.
The poem is meaningful with a good purpose and your lovely rhyming.
I also enjoy your Author notes. Thank you I'm still learning.
You have given me the encouragement , to keep plugging away.
Very well done. Ed.
Marg says you have that special politeness with words. ha ha ha
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Haha good boy...I put the double "what" in there to see if I got critiqued on it...
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Nahhhh, I'm fibbing...it was a genuine mistake! Arrghhh! I triple checked too. Glad I could inspire you to plug away...just be open to improving and I think if people are prepared to help you get better it shows they are willing to share what they know... Thanks for a sterling review
Give Margy girl a BIG kiss for me and tell her I love her compliment! Hahaha
Cheers Ed...thanks again
Phillippa xo
Comment from Rattler
Okay here I go.
A small typo..
"and isn't what what we crave and seek" "what what"? or "that what"
Consider yourself Critiqued ... LOL
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Okay here I go.
A small typo..
"and isn't what what we crave and seek" "what what"? or "that what"
Consider yourself Critiqued ... LOL
Nicely done.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Oh crap! LOL Thanks so much ... and I double and triple checked it too. Thanks for the pickup there and only too happy to be crititqued...unlike some! LOL
Cheers and thanks...you only Rattled me slightly...Haha
Closet
Comment from oNray
I will. I don't think they can read you then either. I always have liked your style! I think you to be among the very best out here. Just like this, I get pissed and go for a throat, you just deprive them of food and drink. (LOL)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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I will. I don't think they can read you then either. I always have liked your style! I think you to be among the very best out here. Just like this, I get pissed and go for a throat, you just deprive them of food and drink. (LOL)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Haha, cool review, thankyou. I do like to go for the jugular if I can at times but I felt all that was needed here was just a minor telling off! Haha. Thankyou for the stylish compliment but there are some wonderful poets here and I do believe you are an expert rhymer yourself. Glad you like to go for the throat though. No point in pussy-footin' around, although I do like a kind of slow steady torture sometimes...watch this space! LM*O.
Cheers and thanks oNray
Closet xo
Comment from Spitfire
Your meter is spot on. I can tell because it flows off the tongue. Quite natural couplets carry your message loud and clear. Love the third stanza reference to turds. Honestly, we're here to learn. Ranking doesn't rank in the real dollars. Love your big honest mouth, sweetie.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Your meter is spot on. I can tell because it flows off the tongue. Quite natural couplets carry your message loud and clear. Love the third stanza reference to turds. Honestly, we're here to learn. Ranking doesn't rank in the real dollars. Love your big honest mouth, sweetie.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Hey Shari, thanks so much for the supportive and agreeable review. Too many good reviewers get the shaft and the authors wrath when they give genuine help...I am always careful to say that it is only an opinion. Trouble is you will always get the egomaniac who thinks his highness is beyond reproach...I don't give a sh*t what ranking he or she is...if I can see a way to help or smooth a bump, I will ALWAYS suggest it.
Cheers and thanks again for the sixer.
Closet xoxo
Comment from cvcopac
Well, I'll be--you can teach to. And can do it in iambic tetrameter. Your overtness put his highness in the trick bag. Many writers are very introverted and the only self they ever display is on the printed page so when they are criticized they become defensive. (To bad) Anyway that's what I think. I'm ranking you right up there with John Donne; (that's before he got religion) he was an expert at repartee.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Well, I'll be--you can teach to. And can do it in iambic tetrameter. Your overtness put his highness in the trick bag. Many writers are very introverted and the only self they ever display is on the printed page so when they are criticized they become defensive. (To bad) Anyway that's what I think. I'm ranking you right up there with John Donne; (that's before he got religion) he was an expert at repartee.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Haha the "trick bag". Funnee! LOL I think you have nailed it there about the introverted and the defensive. I don't think any writer likes to be told something he toiled over was less than satisfactory to some, however thats what we're here for huh? And getting paid for it too, so I figure, might aswell put in an effort. I have no idea (forgive my ignorance) who John Donne is...Yikes! Better go look him up...I can tell its a compliment but not sure exactly although I am familiar with the word repartee. Thanks for a sterling review. I must get in and check out some more of your work. I reckon earl recommended you to me awhile ago to check out but I was pushed for time so only got the chance to check out a couple of writes. I try and drop in soon. From memory you're a pretty nifty rhymer yes? I'll come see for myself anyway.
Cheers and thanks again for an original and very thoughtful review.
Closet xo
PS I don't claim to be a teacher but I am a meter freak and if I can see anywhere to smooth something, especially if its written 2/3 in iambic meter or the like, then I will always suggest what I can. It appears SOME just don't like that. They would much rather pay you to say something fluffy and non genuine. I can't cope with that. LM*O
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I've just about given up on extolling the virtues of meter; no one listens anyway. I'm not afraid of criticism and it's a good thing as I get plenty of it, justified and otherwise. Donne, was an old English poet and in his youth a womanizer who repeatedly got himself in and out trouble. he had caustic wit and lots of ink. Earl guided me through my first sonnet, not long ago, and we remain friends. Your post are intermittent but always delightful. I like some free verse too (some) and the ones who excell at it are usually schooled in meter and structure too, excelling in metaphor. Some of the fluff I read is great but most is not and it all gets boring after awhile; at that point I can't force myself to review. Thanks for an interesting reply; like reviews, they're few and far between.
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Yep,
I'm comin over to check you out.
x
Thanks right back c-pac.
I appreciate the history lesson. Hmmm... a womaniser huh? Well I am NOT one of those...unless you drop the "wo" haha...but the caustic wit - me likes. Ink? Ya, I got barrells of the sh*t.
LOVED your response to my reply to your review. Phew! Now thats some ink! Haha
I'm on my way
Cheers P
x
Comment from Joan E.
Yes, I picked up your bit of irritation--I like it when you channel annoyance into clever rhymes and strong meter, as with these imabic tetrameter lines (I must admit I sometimes write using the syllable count for pattern, fun and my own discipline, but not for meter.) My favorite phrase is "bask in four finality" with its alliteration, part of a rhyme and visual image! Hugs- Joan
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Yes, I picked up your bit of irritation--I like it when you channel annoyance into clever rhymes and strong meter, as with these imabic tetrameter lines (I must admit I sometimes write using the syllable count for pattern, fun and my own discipline, but not for meter.) My favorite phrase is "bask in four finality" with its alliteration, part of a rhyme and visual image! Hugs- Joan
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Hey, it was only a teency bit...I can't get too fired up over hot air now can I...?
Haha
Thanks again Joan, very much appreciated.
Closet xoxo
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Right--here's to sensitive and sensible reviews! Hope your week is satisfying- Joan
Comment from Eldercrone
OMG! Serendipity strikes! What a wonderful, funny, erudite poem. I wish I had written it--and what higher praise can one writer give another? Your rhymes are great, your meter impeccable, and your message so true, I really did laugh out loud. I know what iambic pentameter is (few here do), and I also know I'm not skilled enough to do it. It spoke to me so loudly because I had just come from a pounding on my reply page (thus serendipity). Your poem is going on my bookcase as my own personal Reviewer's Therapy Tool!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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OMG! Serendipity strikes! What a wonderful, funny, erudite poem. I wish I had written it--and what higher praise can one writer give another? Your rhymes are great, your meter impeccable, and your message so true, I really did laugh out loud. I know what iambic pentameter is (few here do), and I also know I'm not skilled enough to do it. It spoke to me so loudly because I had just come from a pounding on my reply page (thus serendipity). Your poem is going on my bookcase as my own personal Reviewer's Therapy Tool!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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My my what an astounding and wonderful review and worthy of a sixer for your skill...many thanks and I appreciate your wonderful encouraging comments. As a pretty decent reviewer I do get the odd frustration and know plenty of others who do too...time to just let people know that being "critical" as it were is actually CRITICAL in giving effective help. Unfortunately someones ability to be able to see reason, accept assistance and indeed improve isn't always evident or shown. Loved your sixer and comments. Have a wonderful day as you have just made mine. Closet xo
Comment from Chris Tee
If that is meant for me, you are really drawing swords now and will come second my dear lady. If you had read the notes in the first place you would not have this attacking posting on site It must have taken you all of three days to write this and I have not blocked you, so it must be one of other battles you are staging with your poetic attacks. Well done with some expertise here. If YOU have it in the tank PLEASE show me, I am waiting.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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If that is meant for me, you are really drawing swords now and will come second my dear lady. If you had read the notes in the first place you would not have this attacking posting on site It must have taken you all of three days to write this and I have not blocked you, so it must be one of other battles you are staging with your poetic attacks. Well done with some expertise here. If YOU have it in the tank PLEASE show me, I am waiting.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Oh please Chris...you flatter yourself. Of course you didn't mute me so this isn't a bio. Three days? Pulleeze, it took exactly twenty minutes to write and then an hour or so to tweak...I have a life other than fs so looking after family HAS to come first. This is the first opportunity I have had to post in a couple of days. You must have me mistaken with how long it might take you perhaps. Not to worry, I am NOT offended in the least. Anyway, I chose to elaborate on a frustration MANY good reviewers find here. They take the time to help others and often its mistaken for a blatant attack on their work...the sooner they realise it is only a show of knowledge and an offer to help improve an already sometimes quite reasonable poem, the better off they might be and perhaps would more readily accept constructive critique.
Most GOOD reviewers know it takes time to assist and I show no descrimination (or malice) from one person to the next when I review them. Why, you need only to scan through my ORIGINAL style reviews to see that. My time is little here, but I feel I give constructive and helpful reviews (lengthy too - which takes time) and plenty here tell me I am the best reviewer on the site, because I always prove I have at the very least read the post. Let alone giving them some fairly genuine ways to improve it. Like I said in my notes I am not vexed nor have I been blocked by anyone. I have no battle with anyone here...perhaps YOU have the battle my friend...no need to draw poetic swords old sport...as I have all my da DUMS in exactly the right spot. I KNOW I have it in the tank and don't need to tout my stuff at the top to know that.
Thankyou for your sixer but you have more than managed to negate it back to the equivalent of around a two with your review with more negative comments than positive ones and I think you perhaps may have an esteem problem if you feel the need to launch an attack on me here, and quite personally. There are many good reviewers here who get sick of trying to assist those who don't quite get a write over the line. After all that is what the promotional bucks are for...to pay for critique. I have not addressed anyone in this poem except the obnoxious author who thinks he is above any sort of critique. Also if you read YOUR notes about reviewers, it does actually say "Only use to THANK a reviewer or to request a clarification. Never ATTACK a review or a reviewer. Do not defend your work."
Perhaps your feeling a tad guilty as I have not named anyone in this post at all. My plethera of authors notes are there to offer assistance to those who wish to listen for the da's and DUMs. Infact I have already had one person thanking me for saving them a $99 class. It DOES pay to be helpful and I AM helpful by nature...ask ANYONE around these parts. My reviews speak for themselves...can yours I wonder? I certainly welcome you to peruse ANY of mine. You won't find two the same...Anyhow, I wish you the very best of luck with all your writing.
BTW I like to write cutting edge and original...not the same old same old if you know what I mean.
Regards Phillippa
