Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Maiden Moon"Murder Mystery
77 total reviews
Comment from carolenaleigh
cataract of fear blinded him (I love that unique phrase) You are using some extremely long sentences, maybe breaking some up would make it easier to read.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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cataract of fear blinded him (I love that unique phrase) You are using some extremely long sentences, maybe breaking some up would make it easier to read.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from simonbagh
way to eternity is the road you walk on
look into yourself to see thy eternal sun
you are thrown on an ever turning circle
neither beginning nor end it is a miracle
Simon,
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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way to eternity is the road you walk on
look into yourself to see thy eternal sun
you are thrown on an ever turning circle
neither beginning nor end it is a miracle
Simon,
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for stopping by, Simon. I appreciate your wise words and generous rating. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from RazberryBullet
Intriguing beginning with several unanswered questions :)
suggestion: "The man wishes to convince everyone that he is a heyoka. (omit>")And the woman suffers from nagi napeyapi."
Looking forward to the next posting :)
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Intriguing beginning with several unanswered questions :)
suggestion: "The man wishes to convince everyone that he is a heyoka. (omit>")And the woman suffers from nagi napeyapi."
Looking forward to the next posting :)
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thanks, Razz. I really appreciate your excellent review and good eye for the SPAG. Father Brian's troubles are just beginning! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from HPicasso
Your writing is invariably much more than pleasant. The chapter has perfect choice of words and makes a lovely read.
An intriguing story that certainly captured my interest.
I sounds like a mixture of bad things are about to happen with the priest right in the middle of everything. Excellent dialogue and descriptions of the characters. This is a very unusual story. I appreciate the author notes, thank you.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Your writing is invariably much more than pleasant. The chapter has perfect choice of words and makes a lovely read.
An intriguing story that certainly captured my interest.
I sounds like a mixture of bad things are about to happen with the priest right in the middle of everything. Excellent dialogue and descriptions of the characters. This is a very unusual story. I appreciate the author notes, thank you.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, HPicasso. I sure appreciate your generous review and words of support. Yes, Father Brian is in the middle of a hornet's nest, for sure. Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from God's Writer
A very interesting and entrapping story my dear one. So full of images scurrying around. So full of latent feelings well placed. You kept my interest throughout the whole story. Thank you for such a beautiful story.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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A very interesting and entrapping story my dear one. So full of images scurrying around. So full of latent feelings well placed. You kept my interest throughout the whole story. Thank you for such a beautiful story.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hi, Erick. Thank you so much for taking time out to read my chapter. I sure appreciate the generous review and words of support, my friend. Blessings, Bev
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Thank you Bev. I have been hiding in bed for weeks now. Only getting up on occasion. A very close female friend of mine has been diagnosed with Basil cell Melanoma( probably misspelled)If it gets in her blood she is dead. Also her Estrogen is very high, which is indicative of uterine cancer or tumors. I have lost so many close friewnds in my life. Plus a wife, mother and brother. My first fiance dies in my lap. All I want to do is run and scream and just not stop running. I AM NOT READY FOR ANOTHER LOSS. I don't know if I can deal with it. I cry every time I think about it, and yes I am crying now. I know you understand. Just don't let me lay in bed all the time. Write me and get me out of bed even if it is only for a bit. OK my dear one.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi writingfundimension
A very interesting storyline, I'm always fascinated by these belief systems. The descriptive sections are excellent and your dialogue certainly brings the story to life.
Nicely done.
Patrick
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hi writingfundimension
A very interesting storyline, I'm always fascinated by these belief systems. The descriptive sections are excellent and your dialogue certainly brings the story to life.
Nicely done.
Patrick
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hi, Patrick. I'm really honored by your generous review and words of support for the chapter. I hope to weave several interesting aspects of the Native American Indian belief's systems into the writing. Hopefully, it won't hinder the action! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from bowls
A very intriguing beginning. I'm sure I'll have to follow this through to its conclusion. I really enjoy your descriptions; they are so vivid and meaningful. "Adding another layer of thickness to the trapped heat of the day" is one of my favourite expressions from this chapter. I already am caught up in the character of Brian, and the suspense at the end of the chapter will keep me glued to the plot. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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A very intriguing beginning. I'm sure I'll have to follow this through to its conclusion. I really enjoy your descriptions; they are so vivid and meaningful. "Adding another layer of thickness to the trapped heat of the day" is one of my favourite expressions from this chapter. I already am caught up in the character of Brian, and the suspense at the end of the chapter will keep me glued to the plot. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, bowls. I'm honored by your generous and supportive review. Thanks for mentioning what you liked in the chapter - that's so helpful for me in going forward. Brian's troubles are just beginning! Cheers, Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A well-written chapter, Bev..
so easy to follow and understand...
more of a treat than a task to review.
chillis - chillies??
disappered though -
disappeared through
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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A well-written chapter, Bev..
so easy to follow and understand...
more of a treat than a task to review.
chillis - chillies??
disappered though -
disappeared through
Margaret
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hi, Margaret. Thank you so much for your generous and supportive review. I will make the changes, pronto! Your assistance is much appreciated. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Janice65
A most interesting story, which flows naturally and helps to keep the reader up to date on who's who and what is the actions of each. It is interesting to have a native American as one character. That seemed to pull me into the story easier than any other phase of happenings. Good work here.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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A most interesting story, which flows naturally and helps to keep the reader up to date on who's who and what is the actions of each. It is interesting to have a native American as one character. That seemed to pull me into the story easier than any other phase of happenings. Good work here.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thank you, Janice. Tony Buday will continue to be an important character as the events unfold. Thanks so much for your time and support. I much appreciate it! Bev
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Bev,
This is a great theme for a novel. I was engaged from the first few lines and it kept my attention throughout. Your characters are colorful and your descriptions are clear. The phone call at the end is intriguing and I can't wait to see what happens next. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hi Bev,
This is a great theme for a novel. I was engaged from the first few lines and it kept my attention throughout. Your characters are colorful and your descriptions are clear. The phone call at the end is intriguing and I can't wait to see what happens next. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hi, Chey. Thank you for this awesome review. I really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter and offer your words of support. The trouble is just starting for Father Brian! Hugs, Bev
