Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Chapter 12; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
71 total reviews
Comment from El.Marjie
Good job, Barbara,
I read right through without seeing needed changes. Tricky, isn't it, breaking an already written book into chapters? I've missed several chapters. Just can't keep up with everything I need to do. Sounds like Steven and Leya have had a misunderstanding, and Peggy is determined to make the most of it. You kept me interested from first to last. Blessings! Marjie
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Good job, Barbara,
I read right through without seeing needed changes. Tricky, isn't it, breaking an already written book into chapters? I've missed several chapters. Just can't keep up with everything I need to do. Sounds like Steven and Leya have had a misunderstanding, and Peggy is determined to make the most of it. You kept me interested from first to last. Blessings! Marjie
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from oldwaywmn
Sounds like Leya is heading for the cabin! Good for her. Hope she gets there before Peggy.
Good chapter. Sounds like this is a interesting story. Looking forward to going back and reading previous chapters and awaiting the ones to come. Thanks for sharing.
Great, well defined characters. I like your descriptions. Peggy reminds me of the typical "take advantage of a male while he's down" woman in all the soaps stories.
Don't see anything needing revision.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Sounds like Leya is heading for the cabin! Good for her. Hope she gets there before Peggy.
Good chapter. Sounds like this is a interesting story. Looking forward to going back and reading previous chapters and awaiting the ones to come. Thanks for sharing.
Great, well defined characters. I like your descriptions. Peggy reminds me of the typical "take advantage of a male while he's down" woman in all the soaps stories.
Don't see anything needing revision.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Things are really moving now. Can't wait to see how Leya gets herself to Jackson Hole.
Didn't spot any spags
Roberta
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Things are really moving now. Can't wait to see how Leya gets herself to Jackson Hole.
Didn't spot any spags
Roberta
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support. I need both.
Comment from RebelRose
That hard-headed Steven should have run right to Leya. Now, I am worried about the distance and a whole week passing and the threat of Peggy in Leya's mind. I am anxiously awaiting the next chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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That hard-headed Steven should have run right to Leya. Now, I am worried about the distance and a whole week passing and the threat of Peggy in Leya's mind. I am anxiously awaiting the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Leya doesn't sit idlely by, she gets herself into more trouble. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from L.lora
An excellent addition which
is very realistic. Needless to
say Peggy is determined not to
give up, let's hope she doesn't
know where Steven is headed. Awe,
you've built an interesting set
of circustances that could go in
any direction. Looking forward to
your next post. Lora
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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An excellent addition which
is very realistic. Needless to
say Peggy is determined not to
give up, let's hope she doesn't
know where Steven is headed. Awe,
you've built an interesting set
of circustances that could go in
any direction. Looking forward to
your next post. Lora
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support. I appreciate both.
Comment from Rama Rao
First, let me thank you for posting a good chapter. It wasn't too long at all. In fact, I appreciate such posts, which move the story forward.
Second, the story raced and held my interest right until the end.
Third, I've a small doubt. Peggy brought a case of beer. She could have carried at best a six pack, but managed to get Steve drunk. Do men get drunk with five cans of beer? I wonder.
I liked Matt's statement, he was no expert on why women do what they do. No man has fathomed this mystery so far.
One typo- OK, buddy.
An excellent chapter to read.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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First, let me thank you for posting a good chapter. It wasn't too long at all. In fact, I appreciate such posts, which move the story forward.
Second, the story raced and held my interest right until the end.
Third, I've a small doubt. Peggy brought a case of beer. She could have carried at best a six pack, but managed to get Steve drunk. Do men get drunk with five cans of beer? I wonder.
I liked Matt's statement, he was no expert on why women do what they do. No man has fathomed this mystery so far.
One typo- OK, buddy.
An excellent chapter to read.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Peggy carried a case. She works out with free weights, which has already been established. Thank you for your kind review. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from Helen Tan
The first thing that popped in my mind when I opened this chapter was WOW - talk about big pizzas! Now to the serious stuff... I like this introduction of more tension in the form of Peggy. She's a great "prop'" to show Steven's commitment to Leya and Leya's love for Steven. The fact she is bothered by Peggy's appearance shows how much shw wants Steven. I'm glad it looks like they will clear the misunderstanding.
and turned on the TV.
Barbara, I think I'm a fossil but I tend to spell "television" in full for narrative BUT it's fine to have "TV" in dialogue. Just thought I would let you know.
Steven attempted to turnoff the TV,
turn off - two words, single word indicates someone or someting that's repulsive.
"Cut it out!" then asked, "What are you doing? You need to get out."
Suggest you delete "then asked" as it's not required. Keep it as continuous dialogue here. It reads smoother.
Joe lifted her T-shirt from the floor and lifted Peggy off Steven,
Two "lifted" here, suggest changing the first to maybe "picked"?
coffee sloshed from his cup.
Good detail - allows the reader to know the strength he hit the table with.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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The first thing that popped in my mind when I opened this chapter was WOW - talk about big pizzas! Now to the serious stuff... I like this introduction of more tension in the form of Peggy. She's a great "prop'" to show Steven's commitment to Leya and Leya's love for Steven. The fact she is bothered by Peggy's appearance shows how much shw wants Steven. I'm glad it looks like they will clear the misunderstanding.
and turned on the TV.
Barbara, I think I'm a fossil but I tend to spell "television" in full for narrative BUT it's fine to have "TV" in dialogue. Just thought I would let you know.
Steven attempted to turnoff the TV,
turn off - two words, single word indicates someone or someting that's repulsive.
"Cut it out!" then asked, "What are you doing? You need to get out."
Suggest you delete "then asked" as it's not required. Keep it as continuous dialogue here. It reads smoother.
Joe lifted her T-shirt from the floor and lifted Peggy off Steven,
Two "lifted" here, suggest changing the first to maybe "picked"?
coffee sloshed from his cup.
Good detail - allows the reader to know the strength he hit the table with.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your detailed review. I am making the corrections. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Mariea
Hello Barbara. As usual, another well written chapter that holds the readers interest all the way. Characters and dialogue realistic without clutter or spags.
Have a great day, regards Mia
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Hello Barbara. As usual, another well written chapter that holds the readers interest all the way. Characters and dialogue realistic without clutter or spags.
Have a great day, regards Mia
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Another good chapter. I don't like this "Peggy". Reminds me of Erika Kane.Lol!
"No, I want you to get.">>didn't know if you meant for this sentence to be this way, or left a word out. It fits, just not usually your style.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Another good chapter. I don't like this "Peggy". Reminds me of Erika Kane.Lol!
"No, I want you to get.">>didn't know if you meant for this sentence to be this way, or left a word out. It fits, just not usually your style.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Steven was drunk and I thought he might be more frank, but I am not sure it worked if you are questioning it. I'll recheck it. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Belinda
Wow... Steven is saved by the bell. And no, relatively speaking, this is not too long, it is the way a chapter retains attention that matters, I think. And you did a great job.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Wow... Steven is saved by the bell. And no, relatively speaking, this is not too long, it is the way a chapter retains attention that matters, I think. And you did a great job.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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Some else told me I should have posted it in two and a half posts. Thank you for your comment. I apreciate your review and support.
