The Sonnet Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Ashes of Lost Hope"a poetic collage of my sonnets
109 total reviews
Comment from Hitcher
I have not tried a sonnet of any kind friend so I tip my hat, I think you did a great job with the choice of artwork as well as the refined and very enjoyable Spenserian Sonnet, I wish you well in the contest.
  |
I have not tried a sonnet of any kind friend so I tip my hat, I think you did a great job with the choice of artwork as well as the refined and very enjoyable Spenserian Sonnet, I wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
Comment from SilverFoxes
AWESOME SONNET Loved this. We studied some of these in school. You are a very talented poet. I can't give this less than six stars.
The painting is beautiful but the poem is incredible.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
 |
AWESOME SONNET Loved this. We studied some of these in school. You are a very talented poet. I can't give this less than six stars.
The painting is beautiful but the poem is incredible.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
Thank you so much for the honor of six stars and for your memorable words. They really made my day. So glad you enjoyed my sonnet. It is a beautiful form, and Spenserian Sonnet is a little harder than English or Shakespearean sonnet because of the interlocking rhymes requirement, but it was double the challenge! Happy holiday season, and please take care.
Comment from justmade
The words you used in this poem are really beautiful yeltel.
It is sad but the beauty of how you expressed in this poem is really fascinating in my opinion.
Great job!
Much love,
Justmade.
|
The words you used in this poem are really beautiful yeltel.
It is sad but the beauty of how you expressed in this poem is really fascinating in my opinion.
Great job!
Much love,
Justmade.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
Comment from c_lucas
A very well written poem of love that has a very good rhyming scheme, making for an easy read. It hss good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
|
A very well written poem of love that has a very good rhyming scheme, making for an easy read. It hss good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Yeltel ....
You certainly have a very beautiful picture at the top of your Sonnet - a picture that appears to be Venetian.
There is just one change to suggest ...
* You have - 'Twas not true passion that you have revealed? This is a statement, not a question and therefore at the end, you need a full-stop, not a question mark.
As this is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
|
Hullo Yeltel ....
You certainly have a very beautiful picture at the top of your Sonnet - a picture that appears to be Venetian.
There is just one change to suggest ...
* You have - 'Twas not true passion that you have revealed? This is a statement, not a question and therefore at the end, you need a full-stop, not a question mark.
As this is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
Comment from daviwake
Very good, but I have only given it four stars because I do not think it strictly fulfils the requirememts of the
form.
The first line of the second quatrain should rhyme with the last line of the first. ABAB BCBC. Yes?
"revealed" does not strictly rhyme with "ordeal". "Reveal" would but of course the sense is compromised. I don't like to nit pick but this is a competition and I think some adjustments are needed which is why I only gave it four stars.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
 |
Very good, but I have only given it four stars because I do not think it strictly fulfils the requirememts of the
form.
The first line of the second quatrain should rhyme with the last line of the first. ABAB BCBC. Yes?
"revealed" does not strictly rhyme with "ordeal". "Reveal" would but of course the sense is compromised. I don't like to nit pick but this is a competition and I think some adjustments are needed which is why I only gave it four stars.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
Those are known as "slant rhymes" - "revealed"/"ordealed". Thanks for you review.
-
"ordeal", I meant.
-
Slant rhymes? Another term for half rhymes I suppose. OK in free verse or when there are no rules. Spenser didn't use them. This is a strict form and ABAB BCBC does not mean ABAB B-CB-C.
-
Shakespeare even used them. They are employed to make the verse sound less "sing-songy" and less forced. You are entitled to your opinion, I am giving you facts.
Please take care, and enjoy the holiday season!
-
Read Shakespeare's Sonnet 116. He employs slant rhymes quite a bit.
-
Oh, I found a sonnet by Spenser, where he uses a slant rhyme or two. Here's the link for it: http://www.uoregon.edu/~rbear/sonnets.html (Look No. II)
-
WHo so will seeke by right deserts t'attaine,
Vnto the type of true Nobility,
And not be painted shewes & titles vaine,
Deriued farre from famous Ancestrie:
Behold them both in their right visnomy
Ancestrie and visnomy is a full rhyme.
Is that the one you meant?
-
My opinions are backed up by a M. Litt degree from Oxford University.
-
Ho so will seeke by right deserts t'attaine,
Vnto the type of true Nobility,
And not be painted shewes & titles vaine,
Deriued farre from famous Ancestrie:
"Nobility" and "Ancestrie" are not full rhymes.
-
Let me not to the marriage of true minds...
Comment from GregoryC
Excellent form and content. Terrific delivery and execution of the sonnet. "Twas not true passion that you have revealed? / Was I not scorched by heat? Your verse was fire!"
The lyrics sing and come alive in the best tradition of the Spenserian. The final couplet ties it all together right up to the end-rhyme. Nice work. Interesting illustration too.
Gregory
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
|
Excellent form and content. Terrific delivery and execution of the sonnet. "Twas not true passion that you have revealed? / Was I not scorched by heat? Your verse was fire!"
The lyrics sing and come alive in the best tradition of the Spenserian. The final couplet ties it all together right up to the end-rhyme. Nice work. Interesting illustration too.
Gregory
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
Thank you so much, Gregory, for your stellar review and your wonderful words. They mean a lot to me. Plase, take care.
Comment from Kingsland
the best part of this poem was the last few lines in it, as they were so very poetic in their rhythms. I liked everything about this well written verse.There is nothing for me to suggest for it.This was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
|
the best part of this poem was the last few lines in it, as they were so very poetic in their rhythms. I liked everything about this well written verse.There is nothing for me to suggest for it.This was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
Comment from mermaids
Beautifully written and you did a great job on this type of sonnet. Unrequited love is a universal subject throughout the ages.
|
Beautifully written and you did a great job on this type of sonnet. Unrequited love is a universal subject throughout the ages.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
Comment from rama devi
Truly an exceptional sonnet, in style and theme and phrasing. Tone and pace, imagery and rhyme...all very fine.
Only on tiny nit is in line two, it does not flow imabically with natural stress on second syllable:
Sud DEN ly GONE, all THAT I THOUGHT was REAL.
Two alternatives:
Gone suddenly was all that I thought real.
or
Gone suddenly was all I thought was real.
THis is truly a poingant song of unrequited love, capturing the emotions of longing and despair, agony of dissappointment.
I find no other nits. Best of luck.
It is a superb write.
Warm Regards,
rama devi
|
Truly an exceptional sonnet, in style and theme and phrasing. Tone and pace, imagery and rhyme...all very fine.
Only on tiny nit is in line two, it does not flow imabically with natural stress on second syllable:
Sud DEN ly GONE, all THAT I THOUGHT was REAL.
Two alternatives:
Gone suddenly was all that I thought real.
or
Gone suddenly was all I thought was real.
THis is truly a poingant song of unrequited love, capturing the emotions of longing and despair, agony of dissappointment.
I find no other nits. Best of luck.
It is a superb write.
Warm Regards,
rama devi
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
