A Lion in the Hallway
A recollection of a visit by an uncle and aunt42 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi Henry,
I'm popping in to check out your story. You're a very talented writer.
A couple of things I noticed while reading your story.
- "The dress material (look) very similar..." - looked
- "...at the end of hall across from the bathroom." - end of the hall - you're missing, "the" in that sentence.
This is a hilarious story :) It's an excellent entry for the contest, and I wish you well with it.
Sincerely Joy xx
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Hi Henry,
I'm popping in to check out your story. You're a very talented writer.
A couple of things I noticed while reading your story.
- "The dress material (look) very similar..." - looked
- "...at the end of hall across from the bathroom." - end of the hall - you're missing, "the" in that sentence.
This is a hilarious story :) It's an excellent entry for the contest, and I wish you well with it.
Sincerely Joy xx
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much. I will have to read it again and correct those errors. They were corrected.
Comment from Katie Solis
That was a very cute story. I liked the lead up to the ending. There are a few times you use the word they, and it is difficult to ascertain who you are talking abut, for example describing the farm. Overall it was a nice story, very sweet that you had never heard anyone snore.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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That was a very cute story. I liked the lead up to the ending. There are a few times you use the word they, and it is difficult to ascertain who you are talking abut, for example describing the farm. Overall it was a nice story, very sweet that you had never heard anyone snore.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your review. I will see about all the they words.
Comment from Debbie Pope
What an absolutely wonderful childhood memory. Unless you have heard loud snoring before, it is definitely enough to scare you to death. The only thing worse than having them visit you would have been for you to have to visit them. Generations of my family have been born and raised in Alabama. This story hits home with me for sure. You are a natural storyteller and there is a great storyline here. I think that I would do some rearranging though. Establish the visit, where everyone will be in your house, timing of it (what have the lack of rations to do with it?-were they out of money? develop that) You could use a comparison of the two houses as a lead in to tell about their home. I had to go back in my read to make sure that you were not visiting them. I wouldn't change the wording much at all. Just the structure. I really, really do like this. It could easily win the contest because you have such an interesting story. Good luck.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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What an absolutely wonderful childhood memory. Unless you have heard loud snoring before, it is definitely enough to scare you to death. The only thing worse than having them visit you would have been for you to have to visit them. Generations of my family have been born and raised in Alabama. This story hits home with me for sure. You are a natural storyteller and there is a great storyline here. I think that I would do some rearranging though. Establish the visit, where everyone will be in your house, timing of it (what have the lack of rations to do with it?-were they out of money? develop that) You could use a comparison of the two houses as a lead in to tell about their home. I had to go back in my read to make sure that you were not visiting them. I wouldn't change the wording much at all. Just the structure. I really, really do like this. It could easily win the contest because you have such an interesting story. Good luck.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you for you comments and review. As I recall, from seventy plus years ago, I remember sleeping in the farm house and eating in the kitchen. My time was spent outside, there were things a kid had to do, and it wasn't inside with the women and yew, girls.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a grand humour; there was no lion in the hallway, it was no real roaring in; it was uncle and aunt who visited were snoring ;well written, well done; thank you for sharing this with us; good luck with the contest. Enjoyed 6-STAR! B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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This speaks a grand humour; there was no lion in the hallway, it was no real roaring in; it was uncle and aunt who visited were snoring ;well written, well done; thank you for sharing this with us; good luck with the contest. Enjoyed 6-STAR! B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh this is so funny! My dad sounded like a lion as well. Then when he'd wake he's 'nuff' around the forever. Waking up was very hard on him.The is well written and very fun to read. Thanks for sharing. Hope you do well in the contest. Roxanna
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Oh this is so funny! My dad sounded like a lion as well. Then when he'd wake he's 'nuff' around the forever. Waking up was very hard on him.The is well written and very fun to read. Thanks for sharing. Hope you do well in the contest. Roxanna
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your response.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, The Lion in the Hallway, is a nicely worded and descriptive story. You develop the sensory scene for us as you build the homestead in more minds. The thoughts of children and the idea of a lion are funny and believable. Nice job with this.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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This story, The Lion in the Hallway, is a nicely worded and descriptive story. You develop the sensory scene for us as you build the homestead in more minds. The thoughts of children and the idea of a lion are funny and believable. Nice job with this.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your nice review. My sister and I enjoyed telling this story to our descendants.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Non-Fiction Writing Prompt.
Your story is well told and clear. A funny tale.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Non-Fiction Writing Prompt.
Your story is well told and clear. A funny tale.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thank you Sharon.
Comment from Sugarray77
A wonderful story and a hilarious one too. Tandem snoring .... too funny. I think you wrote a great tale and hope you do well in the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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A wonderful story and a hilarious one too. Tandem snoring .... too funny. I think you wrote a great tale and hope you do well in the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thank you Sugarray.
Comment from Lighthouse Keeper
Thanks, Henry. That was fun read and good chuckle. I love your brief and direct descriptions of the old farm. Reminds me of the stories my relatives had of their homes in Nebraska. Flour sack dish towels are the best.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thanks, Henry. That was fun read and good chuckle. I love your brief and direct descriptions of the old farm. Reminds me of the stories my relatives had of their homes in Nebraska. Flour sack dish towels are the best.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thank you for your review. The flour sack comment has been the most mentioned in all the reviews I have received. It's awesome. I guess it calls for a story.
Comment from Badger_29
Wonderful and engaging writing. You have the master fatality as combining he event in such a way that makes them easy to read, on complicated and a living. You're useless century Q's and wonderful idiom like this the squeaking needing grease really riding and I'm glad that I read this as you indicated that it was a precursor to shooting marbles on the astral plane.
A wonderful and entertaining biographical read
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Wonderful and engaging writing. You have the master fatality as combining he event in such a way that makes them easy to read, on complicated and a living. You're useless century Q's and wonderful idiom like this the squeaking needing grease really riding and I'm glad that I read this as you indicated that it was a precursor to shooting marbles on the astral plane.
A wonderful and entertaining biographical read
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Reply by Henry: Thank you very much.
