Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "haiku (at the road's bend)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
64 total reviews
Comment from Bill O'Bier
A very good friend died in a car accident when I was 16 years old. That was a hard blow for me emotionally. Suddenly, you realize tomorrow might not come. Now I live by the motto, Today is what I have. Thanks for your haiku.
Bill
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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A very good friend died in a car accident when I was 16 years old. That was a hard blow for me emotionally. Suddenly, you realize tomorrow might not come. Now I live by the motto, Today is what I have. Thanks for your haiku.
Bill
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Bill, for your review of my haiku and for your memory of a very good friend. These scarred trees with shattered glass everywhere dot my route to work. I know of several trees where people died. I was going to tack my poem to one such scarred tree but it is unsafe to stop my car along the road. Yes, I also live by the motto of, Today is what I have. Thanks.
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi Sis Cat
I like the words used in this short poem, it is very visual.
shattered glass sparkle pine needles
I am pleased the tree survived.
well done. Mary
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Hi Sis Cat
I like the words used in this short poem, it is very visual.
shattered glass sparkle pine needles
I am pleased the tree survived.
well done. Mary
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, Mary, the tree survived, but not the people who drove their car into the tree. thank you for the review of my short, visual poem.
Comment from rjuselius
"at the road's bend
shattered glass sparkle pine needles
beneath a scarred tree"
wow, this is an outstanding piece of poetry dear andre! i love the satori, it is insightful and clever. although i am not sure about the wording becuase it seems to have three interconnected lines instead of two and a satori.
anyhoo, thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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"at the road's bend
shattered glass sparkle pine needles
beneath a scarred tree"
wow, this is an outstanding piece of poetry dear andre! i love the satori, it is insightful and clever. although i am not sure about the wording becuase it seems to have three interconnected lines instead of two and a satori.
anyhoo, thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Rebekka, for your generous, six star review and blessings! I read dozens of published contemporary haiku and noticed that some discarded the two-interconnected-lines-plus-one-satori rule and wrote three interconnecting lines. One test I did with my haiku was to reverse the lines to see if my poem still worked:
"beneath a scarred tree
shattered glass sparkle pine needles
at the road's bend"
One reviewer said the satori is the line about the road. I am having fun playing with and stretching the form.
Thank you again for your review.
Comment from ameen786
Indeed, the picture tells a thousand words; but, the craftily created haiku enhances the imagery to perfection; very well done, thank you Sis and Dean for the pleasure.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Indeed, the picture tells a thousand words; but, the craftily created haiku enhances the imagery to perfection; very well done, thank you Sis and Dean for the pleasure.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you, ameen786, for your review. This haiku is all mine this time. I am glad you found the "craftily created haiku enhances the imagery to perfection."
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Well, great job Sis.
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
That was a great Haiku Sis Cat. Kind of cool how you wrote "missed turn"
at the top; it gave it the erie air of a car crash. Nicely done.
~Kerry~
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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That was a great Haiku Sis Cat. Kind of cool how you wrote "missed turn"
at the top; it gave it the erie air of a car crash. Nicely done.
~Kerry~
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Kerry, for your review. A couple of reviewers "missed the turn" and could not understand what I created!
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hmmm. That's odd, I thought it to be quite clear. lol
Comment from rspoet
This is another fine haiku
with excellent imagery in the tree/glass/needles
Often purist want two juxtaposed images
but I think the glass and needles blend very well
to form one image of the scene
The alliteration seems natural, and not forced
And the satori (which I would say is the first line)
provokes thought about the scene and events
Well very done
Your story telling ability transfers nicely
to the haiku form, which is, at heart, a short story in a poem
RS
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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This is another fine haiku
with excellent imagery in the tree/glass/needles
Often purist want two juxtaposed images
but I think the glass and needles blend very well
to form one image of the scene
The alliteration seems natural, and not forced
And the satori (which I would say is the first line)
provokes thought about the scene and events
Well very done
Your story telling ability transfers nicely
to the haiku form, which is, at heart, a short story in a poem
RS
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, RS, my storytelling ability transfers nicely to haiku. I do not want to be like others and describe cherry blossoms, but to tell a story in microcosm. I see these scarred trees along roads and admire the broken glass left behind and the unknown fate of the driver. I have read all of the tree haiku for this week's challenge. I am the only one who told a short story in a poem.
You are also right about your observations of the satori. After I wrote my poem I tested it out by reading the last line first, then the second, and finally the first, and vice versa. My poem works both ways.
Thank you for your detailed review.
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And you do it very well.
PS. There are stories in cherry blossoms, too. LOL
Comment from Mark Schardine
You state that someone missed the turn and that gives me the clue to think of a car accident. As I think about it more, I realize you needed only three lines to describe the scene of an accident. Very well done.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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You state that someone missed the turn and that gives me the clue to think of a car accident. As I think about it more, I realize you needed only three lines to describe the scene of an accident. Very well done.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Mark, for your review. These scarred trees above shattered on pine needle dot the backroads of the San Francisco Area. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Douglas Paul
This is subtle and clever. It took me a minute to realize it was about a car wreck, but you really bring the point home. It hits you hard when the meaning dawns on you. Well done, my friend
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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This is subtle and clever. It took me a minute to realize it was about a car wreck, but you really bring the point home. It hits you hard when the meaning dawns on you. Well done, my friend
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, Doug. My haiku unfolds the clues slowly detail-by-detail, line-by-line. When you get to the end you have an Aha moment when you realize, "Of course, the aftermath of a car crash." Thank you for your review of my "subtle and clever" haiku. Some reviewers found it too clever and did not understand it because it required them to think to put the puzzle together.
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Irish Rain
Aww, sorta sad. Makes me wonder why the glass was shattered, so hard that it scarred the tree. I wonder what else was scarred? Very good, blessings..
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Aww, sorta sad. Makes me wonder why the glass was shattered, so hard that it scarred the tree. I wonder what else was scarred? Very good, blessings..
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Ah, Irish Rain, that is a good question, "What else was shattered?" Whenever I see shattered glass beneath scarred trees alongside of the road, I think of your question. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from nomi338
This is a sad but sure indicator that someone's day is not going to end on such a good note. Tragedy in whatever form it decides to visit upon us is just that, a tragedy. When there is a loss of life the tragedy becomes even greater. With that being said I often have to shake my head at the recklessness I see being practiced on the California highways. My feelings are, if you want to be a daredevil please do it on a highway that I'm not on, thank you very much.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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This is a sad but sure indicator that someone's day is not going to end on such a good note. Tragedy in whatever form it decides to visit upon us is just that, a tragedy. When there is a loss of life the tragedy becomes even greater. With that being said I often have to shake my head at the recklessness I see being practiced on the California highways. My feelings are, if you want to be a daredevil please do it on a highway that I'm not on, thank you very much.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Yes, nomi338, if they want to be a daredevil, do it on a highway I'm not on. Thank you for your review of my tragic haiku.
