The Tower and the Wall
My contribution to the rest of the political static63 total reviews
Comment from Oatmeal
Clockwise,
I enjoyed this poem very much. Reading it was a pleasure. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out. Nicely effective and impressive. Very well reflected thoughts and expressions.
I did spot some SPAG. Two of your rhymes did not rhyme. Send me a private message when the corrections have been made and I will be back to restore your stars.
They demon eyes the working class
to see what demons see--
Hypocrites who praise the past
Now living on their knees
class and past do not rhyme
see and knees do not rhyme
I guess that I wanted to tell you that if two words rhyme and then you add an S to one of them then they no longer rhyme. This means that two of your lines do not rhyme. I am very sorry. There is a rhyming dictionary on the net at rhymezone.com.
Everything else was clean. Comprehensible and very nicely written.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Clockwise,
I enjoyed this poem very much. Reading it was a pleasure. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out. Nicely effective and impressive. Very well reflected thoughts and expressions.
I did spot some SPAG. Two of your rhymes did not rhyme. Send me a private message when the corrections have been made and I will be back to restore your stars.
They demon eyes the working class
to see what demons see--
Hypocrites who praise the past
Now living on their knees
class and past do not rhyme
see and knees do not rhyme
I guess that I wanted to tell you that if two words rhyme and then you add an S to one of them then they no longer rhyme. This means that two of your lines do not rhyme. I am very sorry. There is a rhyming dictionary on the net at rhymezone.com.
Everything else was clean. Comprehensible and very nicely written.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work. So many people inflate the ratings that some poems deserve. I appreciate your effort to keep it honest. God bless.
Comment from sanejane
This is beautifully written! all of it, but these words particularly struck me:
The answer, friends, is found in love
And love survives in truth
And truth requires a mixture of
Discourse, respect, and proof
Unity is the only answer to the difficulties facing America at the moment, and unity cannot be achieved without the ingredients of which you speak.
Although I understand this poem is about America, it could be applied to so many countries around the world, and to so many situations. The tower and the wall - such a good metaphor.
It'sa wonderful poem. I wish you had posted it earlier in the week, when I had a six to spare.
I expect you often read those words about sixes...
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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This is beautifully written! all of it, but these words particularly struck me:
The answer, friends, is found in love
And love survives in truth
And truth requires a mixture of
Discourse, respect, and proof
Unity is the only answer to the difficulties facing America at the moment, and unity cannot be achieved without the ingredients of which you speak.
Although I understand this poem is about America, it could be applied to so many countries around the world, and to so many situations. The tower and the wall - such a good metaphor.
It'sa wonderful poem. I wish you had posted it earlier in the week, when I had a six to spare.
I expect you often read those words about sixes...
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
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It was my pleasure.
Comment from CEO2020
Deep. Very Deep! All of it is deep, but if I had to pick a first among equals, it would be this -
"From million dollar mansions
And ivy strangled schools
Their message of compassion
Piques at the ears of fools
Who pour blessing on their power
And forgiveness on their fall
They deftly build a tower
While the others build a wall"
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Deep. Very Deep! All of it is deep, but if I had to pick a first among equals, it would be this -
"From million dollar mansions
And ivy strangled schools
Their message of compassion
Piques at the ears of fools
Who pour blessing on their power
And forgiveness on their fall
They deftly build a tower
While the others build a wall"
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work. I am humbled and honored by your six.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
You have written an outstanding poem for the political time we in America are in now.. I am amazed at your talent.
I like the way you changed demonize to demon eyes -- very clever.
Well done.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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You have written an outstanding poem for the political time we in America are in now.. I am amazed at your talent.
I like the way you changed demonize to demon eyes -- very clever.
Well done.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work. I am humbled and honored by your six.
Comment from papa55mike
What an epic poem on the political scene today. The media blasting hate and the Trump fans are loving it. We need a lot of prayer for our nation of Babel. I love the media, building a tower of wasted info that everyone had to have. Why they don't know. Can you tell I liked it. I wish I had a six for you.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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What an epic poem on the political scene today. The media blasting hate and the Trump fans are loving it. We need a lot of prayer for our nation of Babel. I love the media, building a tower of wasted info that everyone had to have. Why they don't know. Can you tell I liked it. I wish I had a six for you.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from mbroyles2
This is terrific.
What a powerful message.
I can't help but think of Trump Tower and the promised wall when I read this.
The rhymes are outstanding and full of warning and yet you end with hope.
I'd highlight sections I'd like, but I like them all!
Great Job!
Michael
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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This is terrific.
What a powerful message.
I can't help but think of Trump Tower and the promised wall when I read this.
The rhymes are outstanding and full of warning and yet you end with hope.
I'd highlight sections I'd like, but I like them all!
Great Job!
Michael
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work. I am humbled and honored by your six.
Comment from Thal1959
A very well constructed poem. I normally don't have much interest with political subjects. But you managed to write of your thoughts, listing off the political bodies and the media's faults without resorting to childish insults and name-calling. The final stanza which uses the metaphor of a "flower of love," strong, straight, tall... like a wall or tower is a very effective device to end the work with. Thanks.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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A very well constructed poem. I normally don't have much interest with political subjects. But you managed to write of your thoughts, listing off the political bodies and the media's faults without resorting to childish insults and name-calling. The final stanza which uses the metaphor of a "flower of love," strong, straight, tall... like a wall or tower is a very effective device to end the work with. Thanks.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Pantygynt
I loved the rhythms underpinning this poem, and the plays on words. My favourite couplet in here is,
"They demon eyes the working class
to see what demons see-- "
I also enjoyed the werefolf comment that most will pass over, either because of an unfamiliarity with the French or because they're too idol to bung it into a search engine as I had to do with Glenn Beck. Perhaps as a Brit I can be forgiven for not being familiar with this guy. As he is apparently worth ninety million dollars I rather wish we were on closer terms.
Great poem.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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I loved the rhythms underpinning this poem, and the plays on words. My favourite couplet in here is,
"They demon eyes the working class
to see what demons see-- "
I also enjoyed the werefolf comment that most will pass over, either because of an unfamiliarity with the French or because they're too idol to bung it into a search engine as I had to do with Glenn Beck. Perhaps as a Brit I can be forgiven for not being familiar with this guy. As he is apparently worth ninety million dollars I rather wish we were on closer terms.
Great poem.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from dmt1967
The flower is symbolic for person, community or society? I like the way it sounds and the voice, weak to start with but with each sentence it straightens. I liked the feel of this poem and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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The flower is symbolic for person, community or society? I like the way it sounds and the voice, weak to start with but with each sentence it straightens. I liked the feel of this poem and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work. The intent was for the flower to represent the country as a Democratic Republic.
Comment from valmay
I really, really liked this poem, although living in Australia I am about as far from the American elections as the media will allow. I specially liked the last verse. Communication and respect are needed world wide. Thak you.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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I really, really liked this poem, although living in Australia I am about as far from the American elections as the media will allow. I specially liked the last verse. Communication and respect are needed world wide. Thak you.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
