flip flops held in hand: 5-7-5 suite
track memories, not sand, into the house87 total reviews
Comment from arnie47
Wow! Didn't know you could string haikus together for a longer poem like a sonnet. Nicely done. A very enjoyable read. Love the language and visuals.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Wow! Didn't know you could string haikus together for a longer poem like a sonnet. Nicely done. A very enjoyable read. Love the language and visuals.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yes, I have seen strung haiku before on FanStory. This is my first attempt at one. I am glad you enjoyed the read.
Comment from CR Delport
Yeah, shoes and beach sand just doesn't work. Where ever you drive along the beach, you will find people with shoes in their hands. This is very well done.
Take care.
Christelle.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yeah, shoes and beach sand just doesn't work. Where ever you drive along the beach, you will find people with shoes in their hands. This is very well done.
Take care.
Christelle.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yes, shoes in their hands. Shoes just don't work on sand. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Helena Frances
The picture brought a smile and the verse maintained it:)
'smiles and waves grasp memory' is especially wonderful---
and then reality--'sand backs up tub' oh, how I remember:)
Great job:)
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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The picture brought a smile and the verse maintained it:)
'smiles and waves grasp memory' is especially wonderful---
and then reality--'sand backs up tub' oh, how I remember:)
Great job:)
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you, Helena, for your kind review. I am glad you enjoyed those two lines in particular and that the picture gave you a smile my poem maintained.
Comment from robina1978
Beautiful artwork that complements your poem perfectly. I enjoyed your series of Haiku's, they are all well made. You explained in your foot note what inspired you. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Beautiful artwork that complements your poem perfectly. I enjoyed your series of Haiku's, they are all well made. You explained in your foot note what inspired you. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yes, ronina1978, two days ago sandy feet on a bus inspired me to write this poem. I am thrilled you enjoyed it.
Comment from Chris Tee
This is an absolutely wonderful suite of 5-7-5's. The syllable count to say the least totally correct and rich language use with alliteration in "flip flops" , "toes trudge" & "sparkle in the sun"
Excellent work indeed.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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This is an absolutely wonderful suite of 5-7-5's. The syllable count to say the least totally correct and rich language use with alliteration in "flip flops" , "toes trudge" & "sparkle in the sun"
Excellent work indeed.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yes, Chris Tee, I had a lot of fun writing this on a crowded bus along coastal Mexico as children stood in the aisle with sandy feet. I made my language as rich as my experience to capture it. Thanks for the review.
Comment from stephybs
I like this lovely piece that tells a story you have written this very well and the art work too matches perfectly. I love the comment track memories, not sand, into the house great start to an excellent piece!
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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I like this lovely piece that tells a story you have written this very well and the art work too matches perfectly. I love the comment track memories, not sand, into the house great start to an excellent piece!
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yes, track memories, not sand, into the house. I enjoyed creating that line and the poem. I am glad you enjoyed them, too.
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a charming suite of haiku - almost senryu-like, actually, and so very sweet. I can easily picture those sparkling toes, and I almost feel that 'encrustment' on my calves, shins and knees, even my cheeks sometimes. You've brought back some very fond memories with this - thank you!
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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What a charming suite of haiku - almost senryu-like, actually, and so very sweet. I can easily picture those sparkling toes, and I almost feel that 'encrustment' on my calves, shins and knees, even my cheeks sometimes. You've brought back some very fond memories with this - thank you!
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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I am glad my senryu-like suite brought back fond memories. I responded first to my observations of the sandy feet. Only later after I posted the poem did I realize the memories they would generate. Thanks for your review.
Comment from alexisleech
You have managed to create great visuals in only a few words with your poem. The idea of tracking memories, not sand into the house is lovely. This reminds me so much of past holidays with my children, wonderful memories indeed!
Alexis x
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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You have managed to create great visuals in only a few words with your poem. The idea of tracking memories, not sand into the house is lovely. This reminds me so much of past holidays with my children, wonderful memories indeed!
Alexis x
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you, Alexis, for your kind review. I am glad my poem brought back memories of past holidays with your children.
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"flip flops held in hand", is well-written and entertaining piece. This poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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"flip flops held in hand", is well-written and entertaining piece. This poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you, duchessofdrumborg, I am glad my poem gave you a pleasurable read.
Comment from scd41
Memories of fun-filled time at sea beaches can get ignited much later by inconspicuous things like sand-covered feet of children. This is how your poetic imagination was triggered and the haiku suite was born. A nice read.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Memories of fun-filled time at sea beaches can get ignited much later by inconspicuous things like sand-covered feet of children. This is how your poetic imagination was triggered and the haiku suite was born. A nice read.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yes, I am still stunned how the sight of sandy feet triggered my poem. I am paying more attention to the world around me, because I do not know where my next inspiration will come. Thanks for your review.
