Race War
Chapter one: Jerome33 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
An always timely and poignant story, Lancellot.
and his heart sunk. [his heart SANK. >> simple past tense.]
He dropped medal, [He dropped THE medal]
Good luck with the contest.
  |
An always timely and poignant story, Lancellot.
and his heart sunk. [his heart SANK. >> simple past tense.]
He dropped medal, [He dropped THE medal]
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good story. I like the switch of mood at the end, where the gang decides not to beat up the smart kid after all. It's not very realistic, but it's a great DREAM.
|
Very good story. I like the switch of mood at the end, where the gang decides not to beat up the smart kid after all. It's not very realistic, but it's a great DREAM.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Twilightspire
Excellent job building tension in this piece. I can't think of a person that hasn't been in that position at one time or another. Excellent moral, never hate the smart kid.
Great job with this story and good luck in the contest
-T.J.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Excellent job building tension in this piece. I can't think of a person that hasn't been in that position at one time or another. Excellent moral, never hate the smart kid.
Great job with this story and good luck in the contest
-T.J.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
