Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

Very good poet. You post this win I have ran out of six stars. So, I will give you 5 . Well done I hope you win the contest. Shalom.

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Ben - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from TAB_that's me

Exceptional

Oh Steve, this is just the cutest children's story. It has the tongue -tie - twister approach and the fun little rhymes that children adore!
teresa

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Teresa - glad you enjoyed. It was fun to write, too.

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

This is absolutely fabsolutely brilliant......I congratulate you already cos in my book you've won.....I LOVE IT...please get published Kiwisteve....this is
A A Milnesque...it's wonderful
God bless 6

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Jenny, thanks for the wonderful review.

I'll find that publisher somewhere.

Can you imagine what a really creative illustrator would do with this?

Steve

reply by kiwijenny on 29-Aug-2014

Ooo I can get the app procreate....if you have artistic bent...you can work in layers...get photos and work from them....for $5.99

Comment from Just2Write

Exceptional

A lively bouncy poem, with lots of nifty words for children to delight in.

I loved the feeling of absurdity in this delightful flurry of fancy in Price Rupert playing hide-and-seek.

Squirrels on scooters, Girl Guides on a horse,
I tripped on this line - perhaps because it is only 10 syllables - vs. 11, like the others around it. (At least it is in my neck of the woods - Squirrels being two syllables here - SQIR-ELLES vs. SQIRLS in the UK.
A quick fix would be to add an 's' word for alliteration and beat:
Some squirrels on scooters, Girl Guides on a horse,

You have done a tremendous job on this poem, Steve.
It's fun and would be a hit with children both at story time in school and for a bed-time reading.

Loved it. Here you have it - my last six of the week.

Rose

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Rose, thanks for the high praise and for bestowing one of the precious sixes.

I use two syllables in squirrels too. I rarely count syllables, just relying on the rhythm of the line I hear in my head and this one still sounds OK. You are right that most of the lines have 11 or 12 syllables. It's basically an anapaestic tetrameter with the first foot frequently shortened - here both weak syllables are dropped.
I will revisit it and I do appreciate the specific comment.

Steve

reply by Just2Write on 29-Aug-2014

As always - the number of syllables and the words used are the discretion of the writer - I only offer suggestions - they are that and nothing more. Rose.

Comment from flamingstar

Exceptional

Oh, this one was great fun and I couldn't wait to reach the end and find out where he was, plus my heart gave a cheer when lowly Hilda got recognition for saving the day! I love the line, "velvety curtains that sway to the touch..."

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thank you - yes, I wanted to give Hilda her moment in the sun. I visualised her actually being the reason Rupert was in the scullery - hence the last line.

Steve

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Everyone needs a sanctuary. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Charlie.

Steve

reply by c_lucas on 29-Aug-2014

You're welcome, Steve. Charlie

Comment from Titan Black

Excellent

yeah, this was great for a childish
and humorous poem. You were very creative.
And I like the way you jump in a child's
mind. Keep writing.

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, TB

Steve

reply by Titan Black on 29-Aug-2014

No problem. And don't forget to stop by my page, and rate some of my poetry. And if you like what you read, click on that "Fan" button. For, this is all about the networking.
So, stay connected.

Comment from bob cullen

Exceptional

Today I was feeling low guess I needed a lift
Envious of your talent you sure have a gift
Rupert rates up with the best I have ever read
Your rhyme and your rhythm place you so far ahead
Of most other poets on this Fanstory site
My mood was brightened knowing Rupert was all right

This flows with the rhythm of a slow country stream
It carries the hopes so often found in a dream
Your descriptions add colour that enhance the theme
Your poetic skills make you the star of the team

So much for the nonsense. Rupert is a wonderful story. I read it to my grandson. His comment said it all. "Is there any more?"

A really great poem, Steve

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Bob, thanks for your lovely poetic response and the six shiny stars.

Perhaps there will be more - this is kind of a sequel to a previous poem simply called Gobbledegooks so it is tempting to keep them going.

You don't know any friendly publishers do you?

Steve

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Virtual six, Steve - that's all I have for the week.

Fandangle-fantabulous falcons in flight,
A troll on a tricycle trailing a kite,
Kaleidoscope jesters cartwheeling though hoops
And tatterdemalion, tumbleweed troops, .. I dub thee ... Dr Seuss forsooth!

Full of energy and action. Fabulous alliteration.

Just wonderful!

Sonali

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Sonali, I am very pleased to accept the virtual six and the generous words to go with it. Glad you enjoyed this nonsensical fun.

Steve

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

Cute epic story in rhyme for kids. Good use of alliterative and descriptive language, rhyming and humour. Great picture and good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Faye - glad you enjoyed.

Steve