Turncoat!
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Turncoat, Part 6"WW2 One soldier's ordeal at the fall of Berlin
33 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Yeah, bravo, bravo! You took the suggestions, gave them your own spin and improved them. This is your story all the way.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Yeah, bravo, bravo! You took the suggestions, gave them your own spin and improved them. This is your story all the way.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Charlie has suggested some tightening, and he's right. Thanks for the sixer! See, when you write Schutte's dialog, it's even better.
Comment from paulharrington
I enjoyed this work. I like how dynamic Schutte appears to be, the introduction to the excerpt led me to believe Schutte would be a brooding, tough, and violent individual, but the next thing you know, he's cuddling with a kitten. He's a marvelously round character.
Thanks for letting me read it!
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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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I enjoyed this work. I like how dynamic Schutte appears to be, the introduction to the excerpt led me to believe Schutte would be a brooding, tough, and violent individual, but the next thing you know, he's cuddling with a kitten. He's a marvelously round character.
Thanks for letting me read it!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Oh, he is a violent individual. Does not relate at all to people, only to kittens. The character belongs to my good friend Marilyn Callahan, who loaned him to me for this particular story. Glad you enjoyed it, because I enjoy writing about him. He's the exact opposite of my character, Hans, who cares a great deal about most things. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from drivenbackward
Strong chapter as always, nor. Great pace, which I think had a lot to do with the dialogue. A few notes to consider:
Just inside the doorway I froze -- I would prefer to read 'I froze just inside the doorway,' It would grab me quicker due to the action verb being so early in the sentence.
Pulling the SS lighter from my pocket, I tossed it. Schutte snatched it in midair. -- Looks like there's an extra space below this sentence/paragraph
"What's wrong?" She asked, eyes wide. -- 'she asked'
He reached in, cautiously this time. "Ah! -- Missing closed quotations.
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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Strong chapter as always, nor. Great pace, which I think had a lot to do with the dialogue. A few notes to consider:
Just inside the doorway I froze -- I would prefer to read 'I froze just inside the doorway,' It would grab me quicker due to the action verb being so early in the sentence.
Pulling the SS lighter from my pocket, I tossed it. Schutte snatched it in midair. -- Looks like there's an extra space below this sentence/paragraph
"What's wrong?" She asked, eyes wide. -- 'she asked'
He reached in, cautiously this time. "Ah! -- Missing closed quotations.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Hello. Thanks for the fixes. You're right.
