Comment from Alan K Pease

Excellent

Good rhyme of a particular poet who understands the feelings of loneliness that caring can bring when feelings are not returned. The ideal woman should respect those feelings and say sorry. Perhaps she has already turned him down and his call represents a intrusion on her privacy. Not the best of situations in either case. A wise choice of words to explain the situation couched in a sonnet with a couplet in line with this type of poetry.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks very much, Alan, for your thoughtful review.

Comment from buzclick

Excellent

Funny
I could see some slobbering drunk on a phone calling a girl who didn't know he existed. The stumped look in his glazed eyes never realizing he has just confessed his deepest desires to his grandmother. He dialed by mistake. LMAO
Too bad I don't have a six left.
Very good effort.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks very much, buzclick. I appreciate the great review. I like your take on it!

Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER

Excellent

Consider: Suggestions only. No disrespect intended.
And depressing highlights of a night alone.
He shrank beneath the LASH of her adieu. 'tone' is repeated 2x

LOVE these lines:
A poet's long-sequestered love obsession
Goes public with the tongue, and not the pen. Great line
He sat and waited and, as silence swelled, 's' alliteration
The proxy droning of a dial-tone buzz. Love 'proxy'

Regards:

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Stephen, and I like your suggestion, but 'tone' is used twice on purpose, since a tone can be the tone of someone's voice, and then in the final line we find that the tone was the dial-tone. Still, I appreciate the suggestion and like the word choice of it.

reply by STEPHEN A CARTER on 22-Feb-2014

Dear M: So be it. Just posted the last canto of 'The Ring'. Thanks.

With affection and respect: Steve c

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

Good sonnet in IP - good rhyming scheme - two female endings 'sion' - last line out of sync. I liked the story - funny how they come in to being especially when they are not biological. Well told. You are certainly churning hem out. When do you work LOL? Regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Dorothy. Luckily I can multi-task. ;-) I still have quite a few fragments found on a computer file that I'm 'renovating', so some of these, this included, was part of a beginning that had no ending.

Out of curiosity, what do you mean by the last line being out of sync?

reply by Dorothy Farrell on 22-Feb-2014

Hi David - dial has two syllables - di-al. It makes 11 syllables in that line - Dorothy x

reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

It's actually a word that can be both, like fire and hour. Thanks, I was just wondering, and figured there was a pronunciation difference between us, culturally or individually.

reply by Dorothy Farrell on 22-Feb-2014

Culturally I think - certainly not individually LOL Dorothy

Comment from barleygirl

Excellent

This is a good idea for a poem, as it's not been done just this way, a hundred times before. I thought it might be more about revealing what HE blathered in his ill-advised call, but it turned out only to allude to it, & focusing mainly on the response, or lack thereof. This was handled in a subtle way, just the opposite of what one might expect. Nice job & thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thank you for the review, barleygirl. I think what he said is easy to ascertain, but I also like giving the reader the opportunity to fill in the blanks, so to speak.

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Congrats on the bear icon...that is an awesome achievement.....
I like this poem...hate drink.....hate what it does....
Glad it's not biographical...
God bless

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Jenny. I appreciate it very much.

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

I never thought this was a true story. Excellent photo that complements your Sonnet extremely well. The guy phoned at midnight, being drunk. The female just chucks the horn down.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks very much, Ine.

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

Good use of the sonnet scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with hour/sour. Good alliteration with too/tall...can/confusing...he/hoped...words/withheld...silence/swelled. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, RR.

Comment from padumachitta

Excellent

Encouraged by a too-tall whiskey sour...well I did and I can tell ya, whiskey anything is not a good thing if there is a phone at hand. So, like you pegged this one right.
This is fun. you must have quite the mind out there in the wilds of America:-)
I am about to start writing another cowboy poem...a Red Necked Buddhist Cowboy. it's been years in the pipes...gotta go, he's calling me...
padumachitta

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

So true, Pad! Thank you very much. Looking forward to your next cowboy poem!

Comment from shadow truce

Excellent

It was fun reading your poem. I liked the way you depicted the guy. I loved the choice of words and the way it is structured. The rhymes were used wonderfully. All in all, it is a great poem. All the very best. There you go! I don't know why I cut short a star for a nice poem :)

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thank you very much for the review.