Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 74 "CHAPTER SIXTEEN, PART ONE"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
44 total reviews
Comment from B. Diehl
I love paranormal activity. In my spare time, I've been studying it for years. Anyway, in response to your notes, I see no problem with using a lot of dialogue. Writing is art. And the "eye of the beholder" view should not be forgotten.
-B<3
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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I love paranormal activity. In my spare time, I've been studying it for years. Anyway, in response to your notes, I see no problem with using a lot of dialogue. Writing is art. And the "eye of the beholder" view should not be forgotten.
-B<3
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and understanding.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
So the ghosts went outside so they couldn't be detected but now they are playing games with the ghost remover squad? Good chapter. God loves you and we do too.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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So the ghosts went outside so they couldn't be detected but now they are playing games with the ghost remover squad? Good chapter. God loves you and we do too.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I hope you are both doing well.
Comment from elgone
Playful ghost flitting with disaster. Of course a good ghost doesn't leave until he or she wants to. Good installment. I look forward to the next one. Keep writing!
E
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Playful ghost flitting with disaster. Of course a good ghost doesn't leave until he or she wants to. Good installment. I look forward to the next one. Keep writing!
E
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Barbara,
The chapter is interesting and entertaining. Paige, Cash, Billy Joe, and Mary Pat arrive at the mansion to find Blake and his crew there and ready to go. It is telling when Paige takes control of the white sage. She is convinced that Bradley is there, and she is content with that fact and doesn't want him bothered. Her friends are not convinced a spirit in the house is a good thing.
You may want to consider the following:
"No, this is an EMF meter(,) and it detects disturbances in the surrounding electromagnet fields."
When ghosts manifest themselves the barometric pressure can rise and lower in that specific area." *** The normal terminology for barometric pressure is it rises and falls. The word lower seems awkward.
Inside the house(,) the EMF meter and the barometer showed no activity.
"I figured that all the time(,) and I don't own any fancy tools."
Within minutes(,) the windshield wipers came on and the horn blew.
Happy holidays,
Curtis
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Barbara,
The chapter is interesting and entertaining. Paige, Cash, Billy Joe, and Mary Pat arrive at the mansion to find Blake and his crew there and ready to go. It is telling when Paige takes control of the white sage. She is convinced that Bradley is there, and she is content with that fact and doesn't want him bothered. Her friends are not convinced a spirit in the house is a good thing.
You may want to consider the following:
"No, this is an EMF meter(,) and it detects disturbances in the surrounding electromagnet fields."
When ghosts manifest themselves the barometric pressure can rise and lower in that specific area." *** The normal terminology for barometric pressure is it rises and falls. The word lower seems awkward.
Inside the house(,) the EMF meter and the barometer showed no activity.
"I figured that all the time(,) and I don't own any fancy tools."
Within minutes(,) the windshield wipers came on and the horn blew.
Happy holidays,
Curtis
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Have I mentioned how much I hate those little commas? LOL Thank you for the help.
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They can be real buggers can't they?
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Yes, they can. I get confused because when I put them in, I get reviews that tell me to take them out and when I take them out I get reviews that tell me to put them in. ARGGGGG
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I do a web search on 'comma rules' occasionally to try to keep the issue under control. There are optional places for commas. I would rather an editor see them...omitting one could be considered an error.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Consider: Try a different sentence structure. For ex:
"An open black bag aroused Paige's curiosity. "What's the equipment for?"
AWKWARD: Revise
"After he watched his four team members walk toward the house,...
LOVE the ending. A bit of sentence restructuring needed here and there as noted.
Regards:
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Consider: Try a different sentence structure. For ex:
"An open black bag aroused Paige's curiosity. "What's the equipment for?"
AWKWARD: Revise
"After he watched his four team members walk toward the house,...
LOVE the ending. A bit of sentence restructuring needed here and there as noted.
Regards:
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Made the changes thank you for the help. I appreciate the kind review.
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Dear B: My pleasure.
XX Steve C
Comment from Ben Colder
My turn to compliment a well written piece. I love good dialog and you have no problem making your write make good sense. Well done writer.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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My turn to compliment a well written piece. I love good dialog and you have no problem making your write make good sense. Well done writer.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Bradly did as Paige asked, but you can't expect a guy (even a ghost guy) to give up all his chances to have fun. Well done, Barbara. :) nancy
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Bradly did as Paige asked, but you can't expect a guy (even a ghost guy) to give up all his chances to have fun. Well done, Barbara. :) nancy
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Bradley is a stinker, even if he is a ghost. Thank you for the kind review. How is your webpage going?
Comment from judiverse
A big six star rating for this! I enjoyed the details about the paranormal team's work. Interesting about the white sage. Billy Joe isn't one to believe in paranormal activity. Even with all their gadgets, the team does not detect anything supernatural about the house. Then I loved the ending when Wesley's cap blew off and the horn and windshield wipers went on. He must have changed his mind then. judi
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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A big six star rating for this! I enjoyed the details about the paranormal team's work. Interesting about the white sage. Billy Joe isn't one to believe in paranormal activity. Even with all their gadgets, the team does not detect anything supernatural about the house. Then I loved the ending when Wesley's cap blew off and the horn and windshield wipers went on. He must have changed his mind then. judi
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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I doubt Wesley is will to admit he's wrong. Anyway, thank you for the kind review.
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You're so welcome. judi
Comment from lindalcreel
Maybe its Bradley and maybe it is someone else who is causing chaos in the house. Bradly is protective of Paige but ghosts will be ghosts, and if she's got another entity living there, Paige may not be able to control that one. We'll see what turns up. I have a feeling the paranormal team will be back, but thankfully this happened outside of the house. Lots of tension and intrigue. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Maybe its Bradley and maybe it is someone else who is causing chaos in the house. Bradly is protective of Paige but ghosts will be ghosts, and if she's got another entity living there, Paige may not be able to control that one. We'll see what turns up. I have a feeling the paranormal team will be back, but thankfully this happened outside of the house. Lots of tension and intrigue. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
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So welcome:)
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I love watching those para-normal shows--they are so interesting with all of there gadgets and tests. Maybe, because my house in supposed to be haunted. Have a great week-hard to believe it's almost Christmas vacation. Well written and interesting chapter. Take care, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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I love watching those para-normal shows--they are so interesting with all of there gadgets and tests. Maybe, because my house in supposed to be haunted. Have a great week-hard to believe it's almost Christmas vacation. Well written and interesting chapter. Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and sticking with me through this. It seems to be taking a very long time with this novel.
