Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Chapter 12, part 1"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
63 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Whoo boy, I did not see that ending coming! Now I can see why Paige has been keeping Cash at arm's length. You pulled off a doozie with this chapter, barbara. Well done!
Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Whoo boy, I did not see that ending coming! Now I can see why Paige has been keeping Cash at arm's length. You pulled off a doozie with this chapter, barbara. Well done!
Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the support.
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Most welcome, barbara.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I enjoyed the build-up of tension
and the surprises in this chapter,
Barbara - It seems Cash and the doctor clash.
a really enjoyable chapter - well presented with
good natural dialogue.
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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I enjoyed the build-up of tension
and the surprises in this chapter,
Barbara - It seems Cash and the doctor clash.
a really enjoyable chapter - well presented with
good natural dialogue.
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the support.
Comment from teacherdub
Flow is rich and full in this reading. I must get caught up on the readings I have missed along the way. The characterizations are strong and enrich the plot. The cliff-hanger style ending entices well for the next part.
I enjoyed reading this one too, Barbara. As always, you have done a remarkable job. td
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Flow is rich and full in this reading. I must get caught up on the readings I have missed along the way. The characterizations are strong and enrich the plot. The cliff-hanger style ending entices well for the next part.
I enjoyed reading this one too, Barbara. As always, you have done a remarkable job. td
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the support.
Comment from Flamingbush
Wow! This story is really getting exciting. I love the way you build the tension, with these little comments at the doctor's office implicating Cash as the guilty one when it came to the break-in.
It's unusual for me to find any flaws with your work, but unfortunately I found a couple things this time you might want to check:
"No. It seems my house is supposed to have some kind of hidden treasure." - The construction of this - "No. It seems..." strikes me a little awkward. "No, but it seems" might sound better.
Also, near the end: "Little Miss, do everything yourself" at first makes it sound as if he wants her to do everything herself. "Little Miss Do Everything Yourself" would make a better read (my opinion).
I really did enjoy this chapter and can sense your excitement as you bring the plot to a head. Looking forward to reading another chapter...
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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Wow! This story is really getting exciting. I love the way you build the tension, with these little comments at the doctor's office implicating Cash as the guilty one when it came to the break-in.
It's unusual for me to find any flaws with your work, but unfortunately I found a couple things this time you might want to check:
"No. It seems my house is supposed to have some kind of hidden treasure." - The construction of this - "No. It seems..." strikes me a little awkward. "No, but it seems" might sound better.
Also, near the end: "Little Miss, do everything yourself" at first makes it sound as if he wants her to do everything herself. "Little Miss Do Everything Yourself" would make a better read (my opinion).
I really did enjoy this chapter and can sense your excitement as you bring the plot to a head. Looking forward to reading another chapter...
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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Sorry for the late reply, but I wanted time to make the corrections without making additional mistakes. Thank you for your kindness and the eagle eye.
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You're welcome; glad you found my suggestions helpful. I've learned a lot from observing how you write and how you take correction (even though 99 percent of your work is flawless). I hope to reach your skill level one day.
Flaming
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You're welcome; glad you found my suggestions helpful. I've learned a lot from observing how you write and how you take correction (even though 99 percent of your work is flawless). I hope to reach your skill level one day.
Flaming
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Well, there were some surprises in this one! I sense a little bit of male head-butting between the doc and Cash. And the fiancee? Where did he spring from? And what a nerve, just going into her house like that. This lass has a lot of men interested in her, and others interested in whatever is hidden in her house.
More teasers, Barbara. Well done. Keeps us coming back for more!
Av
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Well, there were some surprises in this one! I sense a little bit of male head-butting between the doc and Cash. And the fiancee? Where did he spring from? And what a nerve, just going into her house like that. This lass has a lot of men interested in her, and others interested in whatever is hidden in her house.
More teasers, Barbara. Well done. Keeps us coming back for more!
Av
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the support.
Comment from Zue65
Yes, I have read the previous posts and true, I am a bit confused, but the development of the characters are good, the exchange of conversations is effective in the smooth progression of the story from the beginning to end. The tension is hinted with the doctor calling the police thinking that Cash laid a hand on Paige. Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Yes, I have read the previous posts and true, I am a bit confused, but the development of the characters are good, the exchange of conversations is effective in the smooth progression of the story from the beginning to end. The tension is hinted with the doctor calling the police thinking that Cash laid a hand on Paige. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind.
Comment from Mrs Jones
Poor Cash, now he has to endure the fiancee as well. Your writing is not over descriptive, just enough to make the reader part of the picture. Hope you know what I mean.
Good work
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Poor Cash, now he has to endure the fiancee as well. Your writing is not over descriptive, just enough to make the reader part of the picture. Hope you know what I mean.
Good work
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the support.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning Barbara:
Conflict between Cash and the Doctor and the authories was accomplished in grsdual steps. You have an excellent hook at the end. Good balance between showing and telling.
One spags:
slept. (Spacing)Went to see Mom
Enjoyed the post.
Take care,
Ray
"I guess get dressed. Did you write it this way or do you need to use(I'll)?
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Good morning Barbara:
Conflict between Cash and the Doctor and the authories was accomplished in grsdual steps. You have an excellent hook at the end. Good balance between showing and telling.
One spags:
slept. (Spacing)Went to see Mom
Enjoyed the post.
Take care,
Ray
"I guess get dressed. Did you write it this way or do you need to use(I'll)?
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the support.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
Paige and Cash are having quite a day, but at least her leg is doing better. Her mobility should improve with a walking cast.
Dr. Henderson still seems to have a strong interest in Paige's welfare, but still doesn't believe intruders beat her up. The strange thing is that when Detective Davis came to investigate, he didn't confirm the break in that he had investigated. In addition, Davis should not have needed to check Cash's alibi, because he already knew Cash was not involved in the beating. I think you need to either rewrite this paragraph or change the detective's name. Davis can't be that dumb.
The big surprise in this post is that some man now claims to be Paige's fiancee. It was revealed in an early chapter that Paige was recovering from a bad relationship.
I found the sentence, 'The pup stood between the man and Paige and continued to growl and snarl' to be a bit confusing. For clarity, I suggest: The pup continued to growl and snarl, as he stood between Paige and the man.
One more question. How did the man get inside? Did Billy Joe and Mary Pat, let him in?
As usual you create almost as many new situations as you resolve. This should keep readers alert as they look for clues to the ongoing mystery. Love and more Irish Hugs to help you through this hot summer,
Roger
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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Hi Barbara:)
Paige and Cash are having quite a day, but at least her leg is doing better. Her mobility should improve with a walking cast.
Dr. Henderson still seems to have a strong interest in Paige's welfare, but still doesn't believe intruders beat her up. The strange thing is that when Detective Davis came to investigate, he didn't confirm the break in that he had investigated. In addition, Davis should not have needed to check Cash's alibi, because he already knew Cash was not involved in the beating. I think you need to either rewrite this paragraph or change the detective's name. Davis can't be that dumb.
The big surprise in this post is that some man now claims to be Paige's fiancee. It was revealed in an early chapter that Paige was recovering from a bad relationship.
I found the sentence, 'The pup stood between the man and Paige and continued to growl and snarl' to be a bit confusing. For clarity, I suggest: The pup continued to growl and snarl, as he stood between Paige and the man.
One more question. How did the man get inside? Did Billy Joe and Mary Pat, let him in?
As usual you create almost as many new situations as you resolve. This should keep readers alert as they look for clues to the ongoing mystery. Love and more Irish Hugs to help you through this hot summer,
Roger
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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Sorry for the late reply, but I wanted time to make the corrections without making additional mistakes. Thank you for your kindness and the eagle eye.
Comment from alexgeorge
Poor Paige. She's gonna be on crutches, but she needs to be able to move around. It's a good thing Paige and Cash are back together again. She's going to need his help more than ever now.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Poor Paige. She's gonna be on crutches, but she needs to be able to move around. It's a good thing Paige and Cash are back together again. She's going to need his help more than ever now.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the support.
