Comment from Carrie Carson

Good

This is good, I like the story.

I notice some words are more 'sounds like' than the words that would fit in context.

Para one "How about that(?)"
Para "Erin, let's go..." whelp is a sound, welt is a mark/mar on the skin
Para "When our eyes were closed..." I think you persimmon not permission

Good job with this, interested in seeing if Rabbit's perspective changes toward Virgil. :) Carrie

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 Comment Written 25-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013

Thanks for reading Carrie and your comments. I changed whelps as it really is a southern colloquial word okay for this use, but if you're confused, others might be also. The other suggestions were just errors and have been corrected. Regards, Bill

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

The writer does a good job of transitioning the events between the characters. This story is well balanced and has a steady and consistent pace. The writer does a good job of bringing this story to a suitable ending and setting up or the next chapter.

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 Comment Written 25-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013

Thanks for reading and the kind comments. I appreciate both. Bill