Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Chapter 8, part 3"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
56 total reviews
Comment from Cliff Ashpaugh
Hi again Barbara. Another good one, but a bit low in tension. Thought Nala would be much more concerned, but it didn't come off. You almost got there, but held back. Seems a man like Dwayne would put the fear of death into Nala. Some minor suggestions. "I think you could use some ice tea?" Nala turned--I'm not sure who said this. If it's Nala then maybe you should put Nala turned before the statement. If it's someone else then Nala turned should be another parapraph....After silence, Nala said, "He reminded me of my place--omit after silence, Nala said....Nala tried to leave the library--omit....Once she had folded it and set it on the table, she continued, "Now it's just friends talking."--She folded and set it on the table. "Now it's just friends talking.".... Segregation ended fifty or sixty years ago--pick one, keep dialogue crisp.... "He said he came by because he'd heard I'd broken my ankle and wanted to see if he could help in any way--omit in any way. Keep the story coming. Cliff
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Hi again Barbara. Another good one, but a bit low in tension. Thought Nala would be much more concerned, but it didn't come off. You almost got there, but held back. Seems a man like Dwayne would put the fear of death into Nala. Some minor suggestions. "I think you could use some ice tea?" Nala turned--I'm not sure who said this. If it's Nala then maybe you should put Nala turned before the statement. If it's someone else then Nala turned should be another parapraph....After silence, Nala said, "He reminded me of my place--omit after silence, Nala said....Nala tried to leave the library--omit....Once she had folded it and set it on the table, she continued, "Now it's just friends talking."--She folded and set it on the table. "Now it's just friends talking.".... Segregation ended fifty or sixty years ago--pick one, keep dialogue crisp.... "He said he came by because he'd heard I'd broken my ankle and wanted to see if he could help in any way--omit in any way. Keep the story coming. Cliff
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you I have made the changes. I appreciate your help.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is an interesting chapter that contains some very catchy issues. The racial question resurfaces here and is given a place of prominence. Nala's case creates suspense. I'll like to see how her challenges are resolved. well done.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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This is an interesting chapter that contains some very catchy issues. The racial question resurfaces here and is given a place of prominence. Nala's case creates suspense. I'll like to see how her challenges are resolved. well done.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Another good chapter, Barbara.
You've introduced the issue of racism - I'm looking forward to seeing how it's going to be handled in this story.
Excellent!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Another good chapter, Barbara.
You've introduced the issue of racism - I'm looking forward to seeing how it's going to be handled in this story.
Excellent!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of capturing the readers attention. The writer releases new detail to continue to the readers attention. The transition between events and conversations is smooth. This story is well balanced as the pace is nice and steady. The writer does and go job of closing out the chapter and setting up for the next one. Nice work.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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The writer does a good job of capturing the readers attention. The writer releases new detail to continue to the readers attention. The transition between events and conversations is smooth. This story is well balanced as the pace is nice and steady. The writer does and go job of closing out the chapter and setting up for the next one. Nice work.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from TonyD
Keeps getting better with the air of mystery and what is going to happen next. Paige is in for a rough ride but I suspect that she is up to the task from the character she developed. Great writing. Just enough dialogue and scenes to set the atmosphere.of people who are concerned about a situation that goes against their grain.
Tony
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Keeps getting better with the air of mystery and what is going to happen next. Paige is in for a rough ride but I suspect that she is up to the task from the character she developed. Great writing. Just enough dialogue and scenes to set the atmosphere.of people who are concerned about a situation that goes against their grain.
Tony
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
gee, I can't stay away this long. All my freinds are in my message box and I'm having a ball catching up, but feeling so left out becuse AI remember the start of this book, and now we are nearly at the end I have no middle. Yikes. Very good job from trying to catch up a bit. Miss you. Hope you are feeling good.
hugs
Heidi
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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gee, I can't stay away this long. All my freinds are in my message box and I'm having a ball catching up, but feeling so left out becuse AI remember the start of this book, and now we are nearly at the end I have no middle. Yikes. Very good job from trying to catch up a bit. Miss you. Hope you are feeling good.
hugs
Heidi
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I've missed you too. I hope you're writing again.
Comment from judiverse
Always a pleasure to read your new posts. You make great use of dialogue in this, and show Nalia's reluctance to talk about what Walker has said to her. It's surely true that there are segments of society that can't accept change, such has a black woman attending a party with white women. Interesting comment about Walker knowing about what had happened to Paige. He seems to be emerging as a person of interest! Great, six-star chapter. judi
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Always a pleasure to read your new posts. You make great use of dialogue in this, and show Nalia's reluctance to talk about what Walker has said to her. It's surely true that there are segments of society that can't accept change, such has a black woman attending a party with white women. Interesting comment about Walker knowing about what had happened to Paige. He seems to be emerging as a person of interest! Great, six-star chapter. judi
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and insight.
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You're so welcome. judi
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, great chapter Barbara. That's a terrific hook with the potential for Walker to have been spying on Paige. Geez, now I have to wait another week! LOL! I saw nothing needing editing.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Wow, great chapter Barbara. That's a terrific hook with the potential for Walker to have been spying on Paige. Geez, now I have to wait another week! LOL! I saw nothing needing editing.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Well done, Paige!..."Nala, remove the apron and give it to me." Paige held out her hand. Once she had folded it and set it on the table, she continued, "Now it's just friends talking."
Nice twisted ending :)
Well done!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Well done, Paige!..."Nala, remove the apron and give it to me." Paige held out her hand. Once she had folded it and set it on the table, she continued, "Now it's just friends talking."
Nice twisted ending :)
Well done!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Oh you have me reaaly concerned aPagie is going to do I would hate to see Nala be mistreated,
so now Dwayne could be spying on Page,Why?
Gert
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Oh you have me reaaly concerned aPagie is going to do I would hate to see Nala be mistreated,
so now Dwayne could be spying on Page,Why?
Gert
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Humm, good question. I hope I find out soon. Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome Barb
Gert
