Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Hawk"One Man's Return From Hell
38 total reviews
Comment from Scornwell
I thought this was well written and intriguing. The characters came across as real people and the dialog sounded realistic and seemed appropriate for the characters. I didn't notice any mistakes.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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I thought this was well written and intriguing. The characters came across as real people and the dialog sounded realistic and seemed appropriate for the characters. I didn't notice any mistakes.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and your kind and generous comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from c_lucas
The possibility that the shooters had military/terrorist experience heats up the pot. This is very well written with a smooth flow of dialogue.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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The possibility that the shooters had military/terrorist experience heats up the pot. This is very well written with a smooth flow of dialogue.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Oh yeah, Charlie - these guys aren't Boy Scouts! Thanks for your support.
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You're welcome, Bill. Charlie
Comment from singersun
I like this a lot! I love to read and have read a ton of books in my life. If it grabs my attention right away and keeps it, I know it will be a satisfying read. This definitely caught my attention and held it. You left me wanting to read more to see what's going to happen! Descriptions are vivid, and the information about the can, wire, and grenade and the guns was knowledgable and quite interesting. There is only one thing that needs to be corrected, it is in the second sentence. " until the investigation in complete." should read "...until the investigation is complete." Just in case no one told you yet. Very well done! I want to read the rest of it! ~Singersun~
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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I like this a lot! I love to read and have read a ton of books in my life. If it grabs my attention right away and keeps it, I know it will be a satisfying read. This definitely caught my attention and held it. You left me wanting to read more to see what's going to happen! Descriptions are vivid, and the information about the can, wire, and grenade and the guns was knowledgable and quite interesting. There is only one thing that needs to be corrected, it is in the second sentence. " until the investigation in complete." should read "...until the investigation is complete." Just in case no one told you yet. Very well done! I want to read the rest of it! ~Singersun~
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and for the spot. That particular error has been in there for several chapters! A good way to catch up would be to read chapter 1 which is an intro and chapter 2 which is one long back story. Regards, Bill
Comment from anne1204
Interesting story, well written with excellent description of locations and characters. I haven't read all chapters but your writing paints a good visual picture in the mind of the reader. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Interesting story, well written with excellent description of locations and characters. I haven't read all chapters but your writing paints a good visual picture in the mind of the reader. Anne 1204
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Hi Anne - I appreciate you reading. If you had an interest, a good way to get up to speed is to read chapter 1 which is an intro and chapter 2 which is a lenghty back story with background about the main character, Dax.
Comment from Writeaway...
I'm really into this novel now bhogg, can't wait to see what happens next. I can find nothing to suggest for improvement and was kept intrested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing!! :)Contact me when you've posted the next chapter!!
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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I'm really into this novel now bhogg, can't wait to see what happens next. I can find nothing to suggest for improvement and was kept intrested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing!! :)Contact me when you've posted the next chapter!!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Hi JB - thanks for reading and your continued support. You can actually go in to my profile and select the become a fan button. You will automatically be notified every time I post. Regards, Bill
Comment from lola29
Bill, this chapter was exciting. You introduced Nikki in such a way as to leave your readers' imagination wide-open. They sure love to check Dax out, don't they? You characterization of Enrique is perfect--a real low life.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Bill, this chapter was exciting. You introduced Nikki in such a way as to leave your readers' imagination wide-open. They sure love to check Dax out, don't they? You characterization of Enrique is perfect--a real low life.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thanks Lola - you know I appreciate when you dropped by. You know I fashioned Dax after me. I'm just shorter, chubbier, and have less hair! LOL Bill
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Stop teasing me!
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Look, look, look, Lola, my sexiest smile back at ya. You are the best! LOL Bill
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great addition to your book. i like how you talked about the weapons, especially the Colt. those are the finest guns there are
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great addition to your book. i like how you talked about the weapons, especially the Colt. those are the finest guns there are
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and for the kind and generous feedback! Regards, Bill
Comment from animatqua
A good write, which I expect from you, and a very chilling ending!
You might want to check your dialogue here:
Nikki chuckled....
This caused the Sheriff to chuckle.
If you write the last one: "This caused the Sheriff to chuckle, too" you allow for using the same descriptive so close together.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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A good write, which I expect from you, and a very chilling ending!
You might want to check your dialogue here:
Nikki chuckled....
This caused the Sheriff to chuckle.
If you write the last one: "This caused the Sheriff to chuckle, too" you allow for using the same descriptive so close together.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading. You bring up a good point. Wouldn't hurt to change. Regards, Bill
