Internet Affair
Two people met over the Internet.140 total reviews
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Barbara,
You have posted an interesting and well-written short story. You certainly have a unique way of creating the kind of conflict that keeps a reader turning the pages. Very smooth writing and an enjoyable adventure into romance.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Barbara,
You have posted an interesting and well-written short story. You certainly have a unique way of creating the kind of conflict that keeps a reader turning the pages. Very smooth writing and an enjoyable adventure into romance.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ~Dovey
This is an intriguing story. You have effectively hooked the reader and left them wanting for more. Laila's inner struggle is very realistic and something I could see playing out within the mind of any woman unsure of the direction in her relationship. I look forward to reading the second part.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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This is an intriguing story. You have effectively hooked the reader and left them wanting for more. Laila's inner struggle is very realistic and something I could see playing out within the mind of any woman unsure of the direction in her relationship. I look forward to reading the second part.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Arkine
~L~ I can relate, to a degree. One of my best friends was found over the internet and he's a guy. There was a romantic interest, for a little while, but that's long since faded into a really good friendship. I can understand her hesitation though. I don't think I'd go through something like that but you just never know. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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~L~ I can relate, to a degree. One of my best friends was found over the internet and he's a guy. There was a romantic interest, for a little while, but that's long since faded into a really good friendship. I can understand her hesitation though. I don't think I'd go through something like that but you just never know. Nicely done!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from marcii
This is a very nice story and it captures the way things are these days,there are so many people meeting this way, sure a lot don't work out though a percentage do.
I like how you have ended this it makes us the readers want more.
Marcii
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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This is a very nice story and it captures the way things are these days,there are so many people meeting this way, sure a lot don't work out though a percentage do.
I like how you have ended this it makes us the readers want more.
Marcii
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review,
Comment from tati
This is a fascinating romance fiction, Barbara. I like the title and your choice of words showing the anxiety, the reluctance of such meeting. I enjoyed reading this story, and look forward to reading more about Laila and Jacob Kraft.
Regards,
tati, June 17, 2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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This is a fascinating romance fiction, Barbara. I like the title and your choice of words showing the anxiety, the reluctance of such meeting. I enjoyed reading this story, and look forward to reading more about Laila and Jacob Kraft.
Regards,
tati, June 17, 2010
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Jonez08
I love the concept of your next story Barbara, there's so many directions this could go. I like that you told us a little about her just by her attire. A black dress and pearls reflects, class and someone more on the modest side. I definitely can't wait for her to get to his table..hurry please.
Comments regarding the layout of your first chapter:
1. The dialog of her speaking to herself didn't seem right. A person would possible say a couple of words out but a full conversation is a bit scary.
2. I think nervousness and anxiety would be a realistic reaction meeting a stranger, but for me it was overkill. from the beginning to the end she either obsessed inside or out loud and actually biting her nails. Of course this could be her personality. We're meeting Laila for the first time so we're very intersted in who she is and we want to share her anxieties, but maybe let us see a little something else also.
3. I thought if you could have grounded us to her environment, like have us see what she sees when she enters the restuarant, is it empty,crowed, fancy,dim lights, I didn't see anything, and maybe a brief description of the hostess. The tall brunette checked the reservations. Other than her attire, I had a hard time visualing the scene.
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We were going to get married after graduation. Then I caught him in bed with Linda. How could he sleep with her? The bastard! The pain of catching them together plagued me for over a year. Then I started communicating with Jacob. He made me feel it was safe to fall in love again.
(this section to me is a little more than her thinking, it's as if you're giving us background information, which could be given in bits and pieces as the story moved on. For instance: the pain of catching them together plagued me--would someone say that to themselves? I could see her thinking: Will I ever get over catching them in bed or if you were narrating: She wondered if she would ever get over catching...)
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I didn't mark anything off of the chapter because I do feel you strived to connect the reader to her anxieties and the chapter is well written, but you may consider some revisions, if not now maybe later. I hope this helps
Cassandra
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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I love the concept of your next story Barbara, there's so many directions this could go. I like that you told us a little about her just by her attire. A black dress and pearls reflects, class and someone more on the modest side. I definitely can't wait for her to get to his table..hurry please.
Comments regarding the layout of your first chapter:
1. The dialog of her speaking to herself didn't seem right. A person would possible say a couple of words out but a full conversation is a bit scary.
2. I think nervousness and anxiety would be a realistic reaction meeting a stranger, but for me it was overkill. from the beginning to the end she either obsessed inside or out loud and actually biting her nails. Of course this could be her personality. We're meeting Laila for the first time so we're very intersted in who she is and we want to share her anxieties, but maybe let us see a little something else also.
3. I thought if you could have grounded us to her environment, like have us see what she sees when she enters the restuarant, is it empty,crowed, fancy,dim lights, I didn't see anything, and maybe a brief description of the hostess. The tall brunette checked the reservations. Other than her attire, I had a hard time visualing the scene.
*************************************************
We were going to get married after graduation. Then I caught him in bed with Linda. How could he sleep with her? The bastard! The pain of catching them together plagued me for over a year. Then I started communicating with Jacob. He made me feel it was safe to fall in love again.
(this section to me is a little more than her thinking, it's as if you're giving us background information, which could be given in bits and pieces as the story moved on. For instance: the pain of catching them together plagued me--would someone say that to themselves? I could see her thinking: Will I ever get over catching them in bed or if you were narrating: She wondered if she would ever get over catching...)
*******************************************************
I didn't mark anything off of the chapter because I do feel you strived to connect the reader to her anxieties and the chapter is well written, but you may consider some revisions, if not now maybe later. I hope this helps
Cassandra
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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I want this to stay under 2500 words so I tried to give enough of her back ground to explain a some her anxieties. The next part is about their first face to face meeting, then the ending. I will take a look at your concerns. They have merit. Thank you for your review.
Comment from jgirlie152
This is really an interesting story. We don't know if he's a nice guy or one of those you feared. Well written and waiting to read the next chapter to find out what happened. Will be watching and waiting.
:) Joan
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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This is really an interesting story. We don't know if he's a nice guy or one of those you feared. Well written and waiting to read the next chapter to find out what happened. Will be watching and waiting.
:) Joan
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review,
Comment from essence56
I am loving this beginning because it is real. There are alot of internet romancesand some end with happy endings. So I am looking forward to yet another good piece from this writer. Thank you for coninuing to write even during your recovery. Good work.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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I am loving this beginning because it is real. There are alot of internet romancesand some end with happy endings. So I am looking forward to yet another good piece from this writer. Thank you for coninuing to write even during your recovery. Good work.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Leigh Ann
This is very well written. I've tried the internet dating thing and it is just as nerve racking as you've described. I wonder if her date will look like his photo on the site because my date didn't at all. He was much heavier and older. LOL Great beginning. I can't wait to read part 2.
Leigh Ann
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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This is very well written. I've tried the internet dating thing and it is just as nerve racking as you've described. I wonder if her date will look like his photo on the site because my date didn't at all. He was much heavier and older. LOL Great beginning. I can't wait to read part 2.
Leigh Ann
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from bluedragon776
Wow. Internet romance is very wonderful and exciting until you realize that you have to met the real person behind the voice on the telephone or the text on the computer screen. You captured the anxiety well.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Wow. Internet romance is very wonderful and exciting until you realize that you have to met the real person behind the voice on the telephone or the text on the computer screen. You captured the anxiety well.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
