Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Chapter 7, part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
67 total reviews
Comment from maggieJo
Good story. Shows how our law enforcement people are on top of developing problems.
Congrats on "All Time Best." The story moves right along carrying readers on a tense ride with the people that sacrifice themselves everyday for our safety.
maggiejo
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Good story. Shows how our law enforcement people are on top of developing problems.
Congrats on "All Time Best." The story moves right along carrying readers on a tense ride with the people that sacrifice themselves everyday for our safety.
maggiejo
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You are very welcome - maggiejo
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Your very welcome - maggiejo
Comment from RazberryBullet
I'm beginning to wonder if Peggy had something to do with revealing Leya's location. A jealous lover doesn't think straight.
Liked these lines: As for you, if your antics continue, you'll find yourself permanently stationed at Task Force 385 shuffling papers. :)..."Good, now figure a way you can be nice."..Good luck!
Well done!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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I'm beginning to wonder if Peggy had something to do with revealing Leya's location. A jealous lover doesn't think straight.
Liked these lines: As for you, if your antics continue, you'll find yourself permanently stationed at Task Force 385 shuffling papers. :)..."Good, now figure a way you can be nice."..Good luck!
Well done!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from ladybird
Another good chapter. I wouldn't mind betting it's Peggy that's the mole she's consumed by jealousy.
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" (Her trembling body.) Should this read Her body trembled.
Her M4 rested against the idention of her right hip, Peggy said, This reads odd.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Another good chapter. I wouldn't mind betting it's Peggy that's the mole she's consumed by jealousy.
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" (Her trembling body.) Should this read Her body trembled.
Her M4 rested against the idention of her right hip, Peggy said, This reads odd.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Sorry, I had revised both of those sentences before I went to bed last night and still didn't get them right. Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from nora arjuna
oh glad that was over. leya sounds like a soft girl for her father's daughter. some suggestions:
Scared to death, [she's stared] at the door - she's been staring?
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" Her trembling body. - Her body trembled.
Eventually with Steven holding [her], sleep overtook [her].
Eventually with Steven holding her, she fell asleep.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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oh glad that was over. leya sounds like a soft girl for her father's daughter. some suggestions:
Scared to death, [she's stared] at the door - she's been staring?
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" Her trembling body. - Her body trembled.
Eventually with Steven holding [her], sleep overtook [her].
Eventually with Steven holding her, she fell asleep.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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The last two I have already fixed. I will correct the first two. Thank you for catching them.
Comment from luisestable
This is a good story. I like the beginning, and I admire the end. I believe that the middle is the weakest of the three, but still the story is good and to tell so you have gotten or this story has gotten recognized.
Keep it up!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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This is a good story. I like the beginning, and I admire the end. I believe that the middle is the weakest of the three, but still the story is good and to tell so you have gotten or this story has gotten recognized.
Keep it up!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from bookishfabler
I must say, I am really enjoying reading this book. I didn't see any nits or spags either. You write clean. Nice job, thanks for sharing another fun chapter.
I wonder what she has? Maybe H1N1.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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I must say, I am really enjoying reading this book. I didn't see any nits or spags either. You write clean. Nice job, thanks for sharing another fun chapter.
I wonder what she has? Maybe H1N1.
hugs
book
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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It is not H1N1, but she is still very ill. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Alison Williams
I havne't read the rest of this story Barbara, but it sounds very interesting and has caught my interest. The characters seem well drawn, and I didn't spot many errors.
I like the tension between Peggy and Steven and from the dialogue I see they used to be friends. I noticed in your background you mentioned Peggy joined to protect Steven from Leya, who she doesn't trust. Is there a history between them?
There was one sentence which read awkwardly, so you may want to look at it.
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" Her trembling body. (Her body trembled?)
Other than that one I picked up, I didn't spy anything else that seemed odd. It's a well written chapter.
Alison :)
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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I havne't read the rest of this story Barbara, but it sounds very interesting and has caught my interest. The characters seem well drawn, and I didn't spot many errors.
I like the tension between Peggy and Steven and from the dialogue I see they used to be friends. I noticed in your background you mentioned Peggy joined to protect Steven from Leya, who she doesn't trust. Is there a history between them?
There was one sentence which read awkwardly, so you may want to look at it.
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" Her trembling body. (Her body trembled?)
Other than that one I picked up, I didn't spy anything else that seemed odd. It's a well written chapter.
Alison :)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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I have already corrected that sentence. Thank you for your review.
Comment from mjfande
An enjoyable chapter to read. It's good to see that everyone is all right for the most part. An interesting touch in making Leya sick. The timing of it makes me think the stress made her that way. The classic needle-phobia was a nice touch as well.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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An enjoyable chapter to read. It's good to see that everyone is all right for the most part. An interesting touch in making Leya sick. The timing of it makes me think the stress made her that way. The classic needle-phobia was a nice touch as well.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Angelite
hi
thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Great dialogue. Story moving along at a nice pace.
was a strange line, or should it have been Her body trembled.
should the word be 'indention'
Great read, thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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hi
thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Great dialogue. Story moving along at a nice pace.
Great read, thanks for sharing
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. I have already corrected that sentence.
Comment from rhymer1
You narrative (what little there is) and dialog are excellent and the plot moves forward with good pace.
I've been waiting for something by you to show up on my screen. I remembered the 'wilkey' but not the 'Barbara' so I couldn't find you. It turns out that on my mother's side, I have two second cousins once removed named Wilkie, but they are both in Toronto and I see you are from Texas, so probably not related. The are Alison Elizabeth Wilkie, and Kimberly Ann Wilkie.
Slainte, rhymer1
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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You narrative (what little there is) and dialog are excellent and the plot moves forward with good pace.
I've been waiting for something by you to show up on my screen. I remembered the 'wilkey' but not the 'Barbara' so I couldn't find you. It turns out that on my mother's side, I have two second cousins once removed named Wilkie, but they are both in Toronto and I see you are from Texas, so probably not related. The are Alison Elizabeth Wilkie, and Kimberly Ann Wilkie.
Slainte, rhymer1
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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My husband's family was orginally from Germany. They changed the spelling around WWII. I will check and see if they have any family residing in Toronto. We're in TX, because of the Army. Thank you for stopping by.
