Broken You
A realization about promises.38 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Piddock
I like the way this develops. It could so easily be critical, yet it is understanding and forgiving. Each word earns its place in here, forming a poem that resonates with the reader, because it describes a universal condition with intelligence and empathy.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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I like the way this develops. It could so easily be critical, yet it is understanding and forgiving. Each word earns its place in here, forming a poem that resonates with the reader, because it describes a universal condition with intelligence and empathy.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you immensely for reviewing my poem. It's a lesson that I learned, that we should consider the source of promises and we should have empathy for others when they make mistakes. I'm glad you could feel that. Thanks again!
Comment from AngieDee
Your symbolism is wonderful. I love the line " in shattered pieces on the ground." Very descriptive and flows very well. Thankyou for sharing this. ( I love Jesus, too)
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Your symbolism is wonderful. I love the line " in shattered pieces on the ground." Very descriptive and flows very well. Thankyou for sharing this. ( I love Jesus, too)
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Nice to meet you! Thanks for telling me how you felt about my poem. Yes, in my mind the promise broke and the girl was staring at it on the ground and that's what made her realize the promise broke because the man was broken. I'm so glad you got it! And I'm glad you have Jesus too :-)
Comment from Bill Schott
This minute poem, Broken You, has the correct formatting and finds the promise of help hindered by the inability of the helper to rise above his/ her own delimma.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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This minute poem, Broken You, has the correct formatting and finds the promise of help hindered by the inability of the helper to rise above his/ her own delimma.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you, Bill, for the review. I like hearing your input!
Comment from estory
I liked the abstractness in the language, and the short, tightly metered lines and stanza format seemed to create that fragmented composite that mirrored your theme. You also brought in that image of broken glass that was the perfect metaphor for the broken trust in the relationship. estory
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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I liked the abstractness in the language, and the short, tightly metered lines and stanza format seemed to create that fragmented composite that mirrored your theme. You also brought in that image of broken glass that was the perfect metaphor for the broken trust in the relationship. estory
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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I really appreciate your in-depth review. I try to learn from every persons input.
Yes, I was purposely abstract because we have to read people, just like we read poetry.Thanks so much!
Comment from Tia Attwood
Hi
What a fantastic little minute poem. Perfect syllable count across all line. Plenty that have been divorced or separated from a love one will relate to this one, me being one.
Great job
Good luck in the contest
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Hi
What a fantastic little minute poem. Perfect syllable count across all line. Plenty that have been divorced or separated from a love one will relate to this one, me being one.
Great job
Good luck in the contest
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Me too... in the past but lesson learned :-) Thank you for taking the time to tell me that you can relate to this poem. Have a great day :-)
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Me too... in the past but lesson learned :-) Thank you for taking the time to tell me that you can relate to this poem. Have a great day :-)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written minute poem. Sometimes it is better not to make any promises and rather surprise another. To break a promise is not always intentional but it still hurts.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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A very well-written minute poem. Sometimes it is better not to make any promises and rather surprise another. To break a promise is not always intentional but it still hurts.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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That's true...not always intentional....
and surprises are fun!
Thank you for reviewing my poem:)
Comment from Teri7
Tina, This is a very well written and well worded minute poem you have penned for the contest. You used very appropriate imagery with the picture of the broken glass. Best wishes in the contest! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Tina, This is a very well written and well worded minute poem you have penned for the contest. You used very appropriate imagery with the picture of the broken glass. Best wishes in the contest! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you, Teri! I appreciate hearing what you thought of it. Would you change anything? I'm just curious because this is the first minute poem I've ever written and it was a little daunting. Have you ever written one? Thanks again for the review :-)
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I didn't see anything to change in my eyes. I have written a few. I enjoy it when I write them! I think you did a good job my friend!
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Thanks! It really WAS kind of fun to do something different!
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It was really neat my friend!
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Thanks!
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you are so welcome!
Comment from His Grayness
Well done indeed and full of truth we all so often are faced with, and challenged on how to deal with!. I enjoyed this read and have no suggestions to improve it in any way. My thanks to this author for a wise and well done work! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Well done indeed and full of truth we all so often are faced with, and challenged on how to deal with!. I enjoyed this read and have no suggestions to improve it in any way. My thanks to this author for a wise and well done work! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you, Vance! That means a lot coming from you. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you thought of my first attempt at a Minute poem. It was a daunting task, because of seeing some great Minute work on here!
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My joy Tina! I always love your stuff! VAnce
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Aww...back at ya!
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Often I DO Hope!! vance
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:)
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That's just gotta be Tina CUTE!
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Don't know about that, but I am thankful my hubby thinks so, lol!
Comment from humpwhistle
I like your link between broken promises and broken people. Your observation has merit. I also like your notion that a careless promise is one written on glass.
If you want to re-designate this as a poem rather than fiction, I think Tom can assist you.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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I like your link between broken promises and broken people. Your observation has merit. I also like your notion that a careless promise is one written on glass.
If you want to re-designate this as a poem rather than fiction, I think Tom can assist you.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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I got co fused last night, yes!
I was confused when I labeled it as a poem and then it asked me to write my story in the space.
I don't know Tom...
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I've been confused, too.
Tom runs the joint. You can contact him at the FanStory profile page. He'll help you re-designate. Lee
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Thank you for the review! I have read your work and value your opinion!
We all are broken a bit, but perhaps some of us know that when making promises or asking for them. Life is a school and I haven't graduated yet:)
Thank you for taking the time to try and help me.
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Thank you! I will contact him.
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My pleasure. I hope you get it straightened. L
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I won't forget that
you helped me with that
without me asking.
That's a good person there :-)
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very sad write about brokenness that truly goes much deeper in some than others...and, you're right, some people can't/don't keep a promise because they have been hurt so many times that the word 'promise' simply does not carry the connotation for them as it does for most. :( A great composition that seems to convey the feelings of one that trusted in a such 'broken' person....thanx for sharing and good luck in the contest! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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A very sad write about brokenness that truly goes much deeper in some than others...and, you're right, some people can't/don't keep a promise because they have been hurt so many times that the word 'promise' simply does not carry the connotation for them as it does for most. :( A great composition that seems to convey the feelings of one that trusted in a such 'broken' person....thanx for sharing and good luck in the contest! :) Yvette
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you , Yvette! You make some pretty good points here, especially the one about people's Past coming into play, and them not being able to promise because they're version of promise has been skewed by their experience. I love hearing your Insight and how you bring something out of my point that I didn't say but something that you think of yourself because of my poem. I love that connection thing. You've made my day, so I need to go away, and have a great Wednesday!
