From out of the Grayness
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Pinball life"Reaching from the gray areas to understand life
27 total reviews
Comment from val fitchie
THIS IS THE GREATEST PINBALL COMPARISON EVER-BETTER THAN THAT ROCK GROUP "THE WHO" WITH THEIR PINBALL WIZARD 4TH RATE CRAP...Mirrors were too untidy, vague, and shallow
Uncreatively Truthful, so something more meaningful
Simply had to speak! ....This prose is actually shakespearian in nature but of course WAYYYY MORE ELOQUENT AND UTTERMOST UNIQUE. I LOVE EVERY EVERY EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL WORD OF THIS STANZA! AND THEN I LOVE IT AS A TRIUMPHANT ARTISTIC MASTERPIECE "WHOLE" and then you're able to follow it with the actions of the electromechanical machine mirroring the actions of us, the electrochemical machine-YOU ARE THE PURE ESSENCE OF ART AND TALENT
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2017
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THIS IS THE GREATEST PINBALL COMPARISON EVER-BETTER THAN THAT ROCK GROUP "THE WHO" WITH THEIR PINBALL WIZARD 4TH RATE CRAP...Mirrors were too untidy, vague, and shallow
Uncreatively Truthful, so something more meaningful
Simply had to speak! ....This prose is actually shakespearian in nature but of course WAYYYY MORE ELOQUENT AND UTTERMOST UNIQUE. I LOVE EVERY EVERY EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL WORD OF THIS STANZA! AND THEN I LOVE IT AS A TRIUMPHANT ARTISTIC MASTERPIECE "WHOLE" and then you're able to follow it with the actions of the electromechanical machine mirroring the actions of us, the electrochemical machine-YOU ARE THE PURE ESSENCE OF ART AND TALENT
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2017
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Hi val! And once again, you have made my day...and week...with this grand and glorious review for my pinball work her on Fanstory! I saw the poem contest asking for dialog about one's life and just had to celebrate my childhood days growing up in an amusement park in Pennsylvania and getting a "perspective" of "challenge" and "focus" and "competition" as a kid from the noisy and electrifying Pinball machines. I felt brave and brilliant in knowing how to get under the boardwalk and find lost coins to finance my inspirations. Soooo, I just had to share it and I'm so delighted to see your "as always" grand an brilliant perspectives on my work! Thanks sooooo much! Vance
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Vance; isn't it funny to contemplate the things of our youth that we used as entertainment, and then, you turned to poetry - but, you have to admit, the best times were with your love.
I'm sure she waits for you with open arms,
~patty~
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2017
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Hi Vance; isn't it funny to contemplate the things of our youth that we used as entertainment, and then, you turned to poetry - but, you have to admit, the best times were with your love.
I'm sure she waits for you with open arms,
~patty~
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much Patty, for this wonderful review and stars! I really appreciate your generous stars and uplifting stars! Stay tuned please! Vance
Comment from apky
I'm afraid I'm not terribly familiar with the machine, but the words below could easily be mine, my thoughts and take of certain situations. So I thank you for them, Vance.
As I reflect on where I was and now
Where I am, my time with you was best
The lake and park and cottage friends
Shall live within my soul while getting old
As natures plan has taken sure it 'toll
So now I write with gratitude
And joy beyond compare to know my grave
Is all arranged and I shall meet you there.
Best,
Aki
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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I'm afraid I'm not terribly familiar with the machine, but the words below could easily be mine, my thoughts and take of certain situations. So I thank you for them, Vance.
As I reflect on where I was and now
Where I am, my time with you was best
The lake and park and cottage friends
Shall live within my soul while getting old
As natures plan has taken sure it 'toll
So now I write with gratitude
And joy beyond compare to know my grave
Is all arranged and I shall meet you there.
Best,
Aki
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Thank you apky, for this kind and generous review. It's always a delight to hear from you! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from humpwhistle
Vance, Pinball is a terrific allegory for a young life.
Shot aimlessly into a rude world of bumps and caroms and flips,
all under flashing lights and the din of chaotic influences.
Then the flip side. Poetry.
Form and function. Rhyme and meter.
Structure. Thought. Symmetry. Reflection.
A truly remarkable concept poem.
Well done, Vance.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Vance, Pinball is a terrific allegory for a young life.
Shot aimlessly into a rude world of bumps and caroms and flips,
all under flashing lights and the din of chaotic influences.
Then the flip side. Poetry.
Form and function. Rhyme and meter.
Structure. Thought. Symmetry. Reflection.
A truly remarkable concept poem.
Well done, Vance.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much Lee! Such delightful and encouraging words from a man of your immense talent is a genuine Gift! Sincerely! Vance
Comment from Ricky1024
A "Share the Story' Contest Poem.
A pin ball story...
"Behind the Eight Ball"
By Ricky at 16.
"Quit school for I lost "The Golden Rule' and....
"Obtained a job from a fat Italian named DeFiglio."
{I want you to know}
...
"As crooked as a mile and never a smile...
"Paid me a pittance and off I would go...
"To the only Show?'
"Don't you know?
"Pin Ball!"
"Many games from a nickel to a quarter...
From Oh Miss to James Bond but I ...
"Couldn't resist...
"Eight ball!"
...
"Eight Ball" the one and all if you could get a ringer
more than twice...
"An extra game and name as ...
"Possible High Score could get you the Glory and More!"
"Yes, but that was way back in the Early seventies and at
a dollar an hour I would get only pennies giving mom $40.00!
This brought back memories.
Thanks Sir Grayness,
Ricky1024.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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A "Share the Story' Contest Poem.
A pin ball story...
"Behind the Eight Ball"
By Ricky at 16.
"Quit school for I lost "The Golden Rule' and....
"Obtained a job from a fat Italian named DeFiglio."
{I want you to know}
...
"As crooked as a mile and never a smile...
"Paid me a pittance and off I would go...
"To the only Show?'
"Don't you know?
"Pin Ball!"
"Many games from a nickel to a quarter...
From Oh Miss to James Bond but I ...
"Couldn't resist...
"Eight ball!"
...
"Eight Ball" the one and all if you could get a ringer
more than twice...
"An extra game and name as ...
"Possible High Score could get you the Glory and More!"
"Yes, but that was way back in the Early seventies and at
a dollar an hour I would get only pennies giving mom $40.00!
This brought back memories.
Thanks Sir Grayness,
Ricky1024.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Wow Ricky! What a great and unusual reply! My delight indeed and glad to know your loved the pinball mania as well! All the best always! Vance
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this brief summary of comparing a pinball machine, which to me was a marvellous escape for me as a small boy, it's excitement playing them, but I never quite thought of them comparing them to stages in life, (being pretty callow) but you're right, like yours dear Vance, my journey has been a hoary one, I love writing and recounting my blessings, which are considerable, till now, God has been so good. Beautifully written my friend, very wise and thoughtful, well done, good to hear from you, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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I enjoyed this brief summary of comparing a pinball machine, which to me was a marvellous escape for me as a small boy, it's excitement playing them, but I never quite thought of them comparing them to stages in life, (being pretty callow) but you're right, like yours dear Vance, my journey has been a hoary one, I love writing and recounting my blessings, which are considerable, till now, God has been so good. Beautifully written my friend, very wise and thoughtful, well done, good to hear from you, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much Roy, you comments are always a gift and certainly much appreciated. Many thanks! Vance
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Most welcome Vance
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a nicely composed story in a poem entry. What I would like to suggest is to NOT start each line with a capital. Rather, put commas at the end of some lines where you have continued the thought onto the next line. Also add periods to indicate end of sentences and beginning of a new one. The addition of punctuation would make everything clearer for the reader.
A double space line break here and there would enhance clarity and give the reader a "breather" in the thought process.
I like the comparison of early life to present life and it's similarities as you interpret life to be.
Finally, please consider a larger font for easier reading. This is a nice poem and these are only suggestions. You are the poet. Smiles and good luck in the contest. Marilyn
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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This is a nicely composed story in a poem entry. What I would like to suggest is to NOT start each line with a capital. Rather, put commas at the end of some lines where you have continued the thought onto the next line. Also add periods to indicate end of sentences and beginning of a new one. The addition of punctuation would make everything clearer for the reader.
A double space line break here and there would enhance clarity and give the reader a "breather" in the thought process.
I like the comparison of early life to present life and it's similarities as you interpret life to be.
Finally, please consider a larger font for easier reading. This is a nice poem and these are only suggestions. You are the poet. Smiles and good luck in the contest. Marilyn
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Thanks so much Marilyn! Much appreciated indeed! Vance
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You are welcome and I hope I helped. :) Marilyn
