Comment from krys123

Exceptional

Hello Steve;
-this is a wonderful free verse written piece of poetry that I found very captivating and full of metaphorical imagery that was distinctly clear and most definitively expressive and vividly descriptive demonstratively throughout your writing.
-The metaphor of a person as a bird is what I recollected from reading your poem and how they both are interacting as one. The broken bird hurt, from reasons that were not given, flew in "its heavy fears weighed down it skyward surge, and tattered feathers flared in vain to fight and errant gale."
-Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Alex, thank you for the thoughtful review.

Yes, of course the bird represents a person here - in this case one who has been irreparably damaged by traumatic events early in their life. Despite other gifts such as musical talent, they are unable to fully recover.

Steve

reply by krys123 on 18-Jul-2016

Your considerably welcome Steve.
Alex

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

Kiwisteveh, I am truly in love with this poem. It is a work of true poetic art. The metaphorical and allusion value alone is amazing. You are quite gifted . But then you know that. Jlsavell

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Jimi, thanks for the kind words.

I just chuck in a few ambiguous bits and pieces and let the reader decide what it's all about! :O)

Steve

reply by jlsavell on 17-Jul-2016

You are sooo funny. The work is amazing.

Comment from Bill O'Bier

Excellent

Great entry..... Excellent use of language to create a strong images. Good luck in the contest.

Wishing you the best,
Bill

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Thanks for the kind words, Bill.

Steve

Comment from Lynn27

Excellent

This a well-written poem. I enjoyed reading your poem your words pulled me into this piece. Your powerful lines were great.

Happy Writing,

Lynn

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Thanks for the kind words, Lynn. Glad you enjoyed.

Steve

reply by Lynn27 on 17-Jul-2016

You're welcome

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

Wonderful imagery. I liked the image of the bird being sought after, even after it has hurt with its talons. Great rhythm. I liked the substructure hidden amongst the text. Beatifully written. Gretchen

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Gretchen, thanks for the kind words and the thoughtful review.

Steve

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I thought I was a fan of yours. I will fix that right away. I do wish you the best of luck with this contest.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Thanks, Barbara.

Any thoughts as to why this only earned 4 stars?

Steve

Comment from cterp

Exceptional

Steve,
This is sure to be a winner in the contest. It is gorgeous. It is the best piece I have read on FS, bar none. Your use of rhyme and assonance is superb. You choose your words carefully, always getting the next right word in tone, texture, and voice. If I wanted to quote my favorite line to you, I'd have to print the entire poem here, so I won't try. Well, since you insist:

You raged, you raged at fate
that promised flight,
then stole the means to fly.
Poor bird, your serenade became a dirge.

The assonance in the last line is especially wonderful here, not to mention the repetition of "f" sounds in the preceding lines and the brilliant duplicate "You raged."

You'll have my vote when the time comes.

chris

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Thanks, Chris...

I had to chuckle at your opening comment. I have had quite a few 'sure winners' this year, and the funny thing is that none of them have won, and quite a few haven't even made the podium. As you see, I try hard - maybe this time.

Thanks for the thoughtful and intelligent review, not to mention the six stars - much appreciated.

Steve

Comment from Slythytove2

Excellent

Very nicely done. I take it from your use of the past tense that- the bird has since flown. A classic coming-of-wisdom anthem.Strong use of classic word usage and meter well composed. A strong piece.
( I use "address" the same way, meaning talk.)

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Thank you.

Yeah, I reckon I'll be pretty wise by the time I die!

Steve

reply by Slythytove2 on 17-Jul-2016

We usually are by the time it doesn't do us any good.

Comment from fimarie78

Excellent

I loved your writing style, with such well chosen vocabulary and it flowed seamlessly.
The two phrases containing 'oh; gave it a nice stylistic touch. This would sit beautifully in an anthology.
best regards
Fiona

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Fiona, thanks for the very kind words.

Steve

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Excellently done.
LIfe and past pain and success dictates our lives and when it rules what we do and how we act, it sometimes comes across with a different message.
Yours is one of understanding, but is understanding enough to hang on?
Very good

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016

Thanks, Barb.

You are right, there is a complicated message here...

Steve