Shifting Shadows. Poems of Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Who Done It, The Sequel"A collection of dark poetry
32 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Really creative take on crows being granted the mantle of murder by a quorum of black birds. In a way, it sounds like congress lol. I just think there is a little trouble with stanzas 1 and 2. Stanza one ends with "in" and two begins with "in" which confuses the sense of place. I may be reading both stanzas wrong, but if this is close, I offer it as a solution- "... a grackle flies in// the mist of dawn/ over cawed appeals/ and sets wings in motion sequestering/ sinister appeals" I don't mean to re-write, but Don't know how to explain it any other way.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Really creative take on crows being granted the mantle of murder by a quorum of black birds. In a way, it sounds like congress lol. I just think there is a little trouble with stanzas 1 and 2. Stanza one ends with "in" and two begins with "in" which confuses the sense of place. I may be reading both stanzas wrong, but if this is close, I offer it as a solution- "... a grackle flies in// the mist of dawn/ over cawed appeals/ and sets wings in motion sequestering/ sinister appeals" I don't mean to re-write, but Don't know how to explain it any other way.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Fair enough... (seems you bust me for my overuse of ending lines with prepositions when no one else seems to notice! even me) LOL I do appreciate it!
How about this? Leave the second stanza alone and change the first to:
Gaslight conspiracy perched on ebony limbs
mutinous in numbers
a grackle goes grim
How does that work? ;)
Thanks Ed, much appreciated
Cat
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Going back to re-read. Be back in a second.
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That works much better. But I still think you need "and sets".
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And sets? Or and sits?
And where are you saying to put it? Lol
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Is it the grackle who is setting wings in motion?
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Noted, I believe I've 'fixed' the situation. LOL
Thanks for your patience... I was out grocery shopping (my least favorite thing in the world next to eating, probably) LOL
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Cat
_ You certainly catch the moment with your words, complemented by the stunning artwork.
_ Makes a body feel as if they're there in the scene.
_ Great presentation.
_ The multitudes as gathered---let the par-tay begin. (*<*)
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jacqueline // Jackie // Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Hi, Cat
_ You certainly catch the moment with your words, complemented by the stunning artwork.
_ Makes a body feel as if they're there in the scene.
_ Great presentation.
_ The multitudes as gathered---let the par-tay begin. (*<*)
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jacqueline // Jackie // Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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lol, thanks so much Jax for this very complimentary review
Cat
Comment from wordspinner314
Oh my God, you're sucking up all my six stars this week! How clever you are with this dark yet silly poem. It's brilliant! I have much to learn from you!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Oh my God, you're sucking up all my six stars this week! How clever you are with this dark yet silly poem. It's brilliant! I have much to learn from you!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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LOL, (((((((Brooke)))))))
I'm actually shocked that you have any left! You're so sweet to use them on me! Wow! LOL
You're such a dear, I"m so glad you like this one. It's the sequel to the other one which was fun too but just didn't make it into the book. LOL Thanks so much Brooke, you're so kind!
Cat
Comment from Unspoken94
I think the rhyming in this poem is what I am most impressed with. You disguise it well. And, of course, I am always "gleeful" when you start playing with the arrangement of the poem, which is one of my own passions.
Not scary. In fact, it made me smile. I thought you had created personifications of the birds until I read your notes/definitions.
Dean is fortunate to have such a good piece. -Bill
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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I think the rhyming in this poem is what I am most impressed with. You disguise it well. And, of course, I am always "gleeful" when you start playing with the arrangement of the poem, which is one of my own passions.
Not scary. In fact, it made me smile. I thought you had created personifications of the birds until I read your notes/definitions.
Dean is fortunate to have such a good piece. -Bill
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thanks Bill,
Someone mentioned it not being a rhyming poem, but I said... wait... you might want to look again. ;)
Under cloak of darkness it arrives,
Under veil of mystery?
or merely clever guise? ;)
Thanks so much Bill... so glad you enjoyed it... you know I loved playing with my alphabet soup more than eating it! ;)
lol
Comment from Aiona
What a fascinating play on words. Again, as you know I usually prefer poems that rhyme, but the structure of this one is interesting. And the topic is enlightening.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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What a fascinating play on words. Again, as you know I usually prefer poems that rhyme, but the structure of this one is interesting. And the topic is enlightening.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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lol, You might want to look again. It's a lovely and very satisfying thing when someone doesn't 'notice' the rhymes because of the way you've laid it out and put it all together...
but look more closely...
approximate and near rhymes? look again?
limbs/in
appeal/deal
order/recorder
decorum/quorum
breeze/Trustees
It most certainly is put together so that it easily and breezily rhymes in the wind. ;)
Thanks Aiona,
I'm pleased you've enjoyed it.
Cat
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Oh it does rhyme! I knew there was a reason it captured me!
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Aside from its brilliant play on words, that is.
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LOLOL... I love it when a plan comes together! ;) LOL (pay no attention to the cat behind the curtain. ) ;)
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello Sister Cat :)
Eerie and dark poem about crows' politics LOL I love the dark poems for Dean's book. This is an awesome addition. You have done another poem with crows. The rhyme and meter are fantastic. The presentation is wonderful but the font is dark to read, I would make it lighter. Well done sweetie!
Sister Gypsy (((((muah, muah))))
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Hello Sister Cat :)
Eerie and dark poem about crows' politics LOL I love the dark poems for Dean's book. This is an awesome addition. You have done another poem with crows. The rhyme and meter are fantastic. The presentation is wonderful but the font is dark to read, I would make it lighter. Well done sweetie!
Sister Gypsy (((((muah, muah))))
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thanks Sister Gypsy... I had it lighter, but it seemed to glow... that seems really hard to read... but I can make it one shade lighter... maybe i'll try another color... thanks honey...
Sister Cat
Comment from Pantygynt
Ah! The murder is assembled again in a veritable aviary of alliterate awfulness again. Joined this time by the grackle. Now which sort of Grackle I wonder, the North American black songbird or the black Asian mynahbird, either it seems would be welcome at the sombre gathering. I did know a mynah once who was quite a conversationalist. And is the Recorder with a capital R some member of the judiciary or simply a record keeper, a poet perhaps? Or even YOU!
An excellently written piece of chilling fun.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Ah! The murder is assembled again in a veritable aviary of alliterate awfulness again. Joined this time by the grackle. Now which sort of Grackle I wonder, the North American black songbird or the black Asian mynahbird, either it seems would be welcome at the sombre gathering. I did know a mynah once who was quite a conversationalist. And is the Recorder with a capital R some member of the judiciary or simply a record keeper, a poet perhaps? Or even YOU!
An excellently written piece of chilling fun.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Gynt,
You've had another three cups of coffee this morning/afternoon already, haven't you? ;)
You have entirely too much energy for me... (I love it) but I'm just waking up... I'll be up to speed about the time you head to bed... wait for it..............
;)
thanks for this very enthusiastic review
Puss
Comment from lightink
I would love to see this in a movie - something like Narnia! You created a fascinating world with a distinct dark mood! I enjoyed this piece but sure I needed the word definitions in the notes :).
Also, congratulation! That grizzly bear suits you more than the panda! :)
I'll PM you later today about the poetry project. I try to finish my 'picture this' first!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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I would love to see this in a movie - something like Narnia! You created a fascinating world with a distinct dark mood! I enjoyed this piece but sure I needed the word definitions in the notes :).
Also, congratulation! That grizzly bear suits you more than the panda! :)
I'll PM you later today about the poetry project. I try to finish my 'picture this' first!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Ah... so you're running behind as well, eh? ;)
thanks for this wonderful movie idea... perhaps I need a scriptwriter, eh? ;)
I've put on the grizzly bear outfit a couple times this week... seems the original owner and I are trading back and forth every other day... It's sort of fun to switch up... who will have it today, who will wear it tomorrow? LOL It's almost comical. ;)
But I think Dean has been playing with zombies again... it's starting to have some sort of chunky material hanging off the coat... i might have to send both costumes out to the cleaners.. or talk to him about what he's been munching on. ;)
I'll wait for your PM about the project... no hurry... ;) i"m not going anywhere.
Good to see you
Thanks for this review and your wonderful comments.
Cat
Comment from Joyce Long
I don't know if I was suppose to smile at this or not, but I thought it was cute even if the "Murderous Trustees" satisfied their quorum" Your picture is really good even if the black makes your poem more difficult to read.
This is very well done and I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-10-15
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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I don't know if I was suppose to smile at this or not, but I thought it was cute even if the "Murderous Trustees" satisfied their quorum" Your picture is really good even if the black makes your poem more difficult to read.
This is very well done and I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-10-15
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Joyce,
Oh yes, you were definitely supposed to smile at this. ;)
If you haven't read the first Who Done It? You should, because you'd know by that, it's sort of a spooky, tongue in cheek sort of piece... I was asked to do a sequel... ;)
I tried to get the first one in the book, but technical defugalties beat me to it. ;)
I'm pleased you enjoyed this... sorry about the font... it's the hazards of posting to a horror book, not much choice except to use a black background. Sorry about that.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am most grateful
Cat
Comment from MacMhuirich
Yes, a sequel, and one that will go into Deans book. Wonderful work again my friend, the artwork, the wording, the imagery all add to the underwing dealings in the trees. Thank you for sharing.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Yes, a sequel, and one that will go into Deans book. Wonderful work again my friend, the artwork, the wording, the imagery all add to the underwing dealings in the trees. Thank you for sharing.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
Thank you so much, John! I do believe it was YOU who suggested the sequel, if I'm not mistaken? ;)
I am glad that this has met with your approval.
Thank you for the suggestion, I do appreciate it.
Cat
