Poetry and Poison
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Poetry and Poison: Chapter 5"Poems started their marriage; poems ended it.
33 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Again, you set up the atmosphere through setting very well, the drought-stricken landscape almost an answer to "is it all chemistry". Is smaze a combination of smoke and haze? It is too bad that their poetry could not meld as one, a divinity in each other. Opposites attract to a point, but such differing core philosophies/beliefs rarely mesh well. Another excellent chapter and I am in it for the long haul.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Again, you set up the atmosphere through setting very well, the drought-stricken landscape almost an answer to "is it all chemistry". Is smaze a combination of smoke and haze? It is too bad that their poetry could not meld as one, a divinity in each other. Opposites attract to a point, but such differing core philosophies/beliefs rarely mesh well. Another excellent chapter and I am in it for the long haul.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Yes, "Opposites attract to a point, but such differing core philosophies/beliefs rarely mesh well." I look at their poems and wonder, "How did my parents get together? Their core beliefs are opposite." The atmosphere I encounter in life echo the landscapes of their poetry. I will add a definition for smaze. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Nosha17
The discovery of more revealing thoughts present in both set of poetry sets the mind to wondering. The beliefs and ideals of a person are usually revealed in their words, especially the written ones. Your story is different and is enhanced with interspersion of poetic lines. Most enjoyable Faye
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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The discovery of more revealing thoughts present in both set of poetry sets the mind to wondering. The beliefs and ideals of a person are usually revealed in their words, especially the written ones. Your story is different and is enhanced with interspersion of poetic lines. Most enjoyable Faye
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Yes, Faye, my mind is set to wondering when I look at my parents' poetry side by side. Separately they tell a different story, but together they tell another. They reveal a lot through their words. This book is a poetry mystery. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Patricia Dsouza
Your writing is remarkable and refined. I value the way you progress and flow throughout. You have remarkably brilliant skills.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Your writing is remarkable and refined. I value the way you progress and flow throughout. You have remarkably brilliant skills.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Patricia, for your compliments on my "remarkably brilliant skills," and thank you for your review.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
I refuse to pick you apart for technical growth, and choose to listen instead to Sil Austin playing alto sax, and acknowledge the rhythm of soul in this post. Reading this, I feel like I can hear The perceptions and the need to link into the 'chemistry' of your creation.
Congrats on editing. I could almost splice in the butchered metaphors, and am so happy your amputations were ruthless. There are times when an author has to allow his characters to take centre stage. To compete is shameful. Your parents are stand-alone characters. Always remember to give them space.
A few notes....
and After picking a few more basil leaves, I sneaked to the poem and reread the final stanza (If no one is looking--it's not sneaking--try--drawn back to the poem/
My chest tightened. Tears rimmed my eyes. I backed away from this poem and retreated to the kitchen to resume the pesto. (THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU REUSED THE SAME WORDS--TSK! TSK! This is the perfect moment to drop in your feelings about your father. Try...Jesus Christ! Who is this man I only knew as some shadow in my like...or...is this the same guy I ate pizza with on Friday nights?
The Book of Fred rebutted the Psalm of Jessie.
I refuse to pick you apart for technical growth
archive RHIS IS ONE OF THE MOST CLASSDIC LINES I'VE EVER READ
I said, hoping that wherever he(WAS--CHANGED TENSE--DELETE-- is,_
"Just because opposites attract, does not mean they should attach." BLOODY PERFECT.
archive SB archives(S)
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015
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I refuse to pick you apart for technical growth, and choose to listen instead to Sil Austin playing alto sax, and acknowledge the rhythm of soul in this post. Reading this, I feel like I can hear The perceptions and the need to link into the 'chemistry' of your creation.
Congrats on editing. I could almost splice in the butchered metaphors, and am so happy your amputations were ruthless. There are times when an author has to allow his characters to take centre stage. To compete is shameful. Your parents are stand-alone characters. Always remember to give them space.
A few notes....
and After picking a few more basil leaves, I sneaked to the poem and reread the final stanza (If no one is looking--it's not sneaking--try--drawn back to the poem/
My chest tightened. Tears rimmed my eyes. I backed away from this poem and retreated to the kitchen to resume the pesto. (THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU REUSED THE SAME WORDS--TSK! TSK! This is the perfect moment to drop in your feelings about your father. Try...Jesus Christ! Who is this man I only knew as some shadow in my like...or...is this the same guy I ate pizza with on Friday nights?
The Book of Fred rebutted the Psalm of Jessie.
I refuse to pick you apart for technical growth
archive RHIS IS ONE OF THE MOST CLASSDIC LINES I'VE EVER READ
I said, hoping that wherever he(WAS--CHANGED TENSE--DELETE-- is,_
"Just because opposites attract, does not mean they should attach." BLOODY PERFECT.
archive SB archives(S)
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015
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Ingrid, thank you once again for your generous review and comments which improved my writing.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
I really like this story about Andre Wilson who lost both parents and he searches for answers in poems his parents wrote. "If you want to know if a couple has the right chemistry," I said, "study their poetry."... this line is so true. My ex-husband wrote me beautiful poems when we met, at the beginning of our relationship. The poems reflected the passion we both felt at the time, but with time he stopped writing me poems and eventually his love for me died. You did an excellent job.
gypsy
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Hello :)
I really like this story about Andre Wilson who lost both parents and he searches for answers in poems his parents wrote. "If you want to know if a couple has the right chemistry," I said, "study their poetry."... this line is so true. My ex-husband wrote me beautiful poems when we met, at the beginning of our relationship. The poems reflected the passion we both felt at the time, but with time he stopped writing me poems and eventually his love for me died. You did an excellent job.
gypsy
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Gypsy, for your kind review. Yes, when the poetry stopped, so did the love. My parents were unique in that they wrote more about their relationship after it ended. I search through their poems as clues. Thanks for your review.
Comment from quashdog
I liked the way you used poetry to contrast the two personalities. I feel sorry for Fred or anybody who loses their faith in God. Indeed, a soul who cannot believe in the spiritual and is only of a mechanical, evolutionary mindset has lost his/her soul.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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I liked the way you used poetry to contrast the two personalities. I feel sorry for Fred or anybody who loses their faith in God. Indeed, a soul who cannot believe in the spiritual and is only of a mechanical, evolutionary mindset has lost his/her soul.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Yes, quashdog, the divorce devastated both of my parents. While my mother deepened her faith, my father lost his faith. My mother's creationism poem is a polar opposite to my father's evolution poem. It took him years to regain his faith. Thank you for your review.
Comment from jpduck
I fear I am going to have to abandon reviewing the 'Poetry & Poison' series, as I simply don't understand most poetry. This is, in no way, a reflection on your writing, nor, for that matter, on Jessie's and Fred's poetry -- just on me. It's sad to do this, but there can be no joy in me going through the motions, for either of us.
With very best wishes, and looking forward to reading your other postings.
Adrian
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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I fear I am going to have to abandon reviewing the 'Poetry & Poison' series, as I simply don't understand most poetry. This is, in no way, a reflection on your writing, nor, for that matter, on Jessie's and Fred's poetry -- just on me. It's sad to do this, but there can be no joy in me going through the motions, for either of us.
With very best wishes, and looking forward to reading your other postings.
Adrian
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Adrian, for the support and reviews you provided during your short sojourn on this series. Poetry is not everyone's cup of tea, and I will be the first to admit that I am less interested in my parents' poetry than in what it has to say about them and their relationship. Your inclusion of diaries and letters in your fiction inspired me to include real diaries, letters, articles, and poetry in my non-fiction. Thanks for all of the reviews and support you have provided in the past. I look forward to seeing a review from you in a different project. Of course, I will continue to review your work. Thanks.
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Many thanks.
Adrian
Comment from JTStone
You have a fascinating life tale. I have been following your journey with you. I think that your tale is different in that you really aren't playing heroes or villains, winners or losers, only a quest to know where you came from and what they were thinking.
Beautifully presented.
JT
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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You have a fascinating life tale. I have been following your journey with you. I think that your tale is different in that you really aren't playing heroes or villains, winners or losers, only a quest to know where you came from and what they were thinking.
Beautifully presented.
JT
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Thank you, JT. You're right. I am uninterested in playing heroes or villains. I only "quest to know where (I) came from and what they were thinking. Thank you for your insightful review.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Unique philosophy in Notes about one person writing a poem at the beginning of a marriage and the other at the end. Well written and holds interest throughout.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Unique philosophy in Notes about one person writing a poem at the beginning of a marriage and the other at the end. Well written and holds interest throughout.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Yes, Brett, they did not plan it like that, but that is what happened: "one person writing a poem at the beginning of a marriage and the other at the end." I am glad my writing held your interest throughout. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Tessa Kay
This one deserves a six. It is full of depth and I love the way the scenery is not just background, but connects with the story and the mood of the scene.
Very well written.
The only little point I noticed was
the Washington State forest the Mount St. Helens eruption- I would put a which in for easier reading 'forest, which the Mount St... -
but that's just a suggestion.
Very much enjoyed this chapter. :)
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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This one deserves a six. It is full of depth and I love the way the scenery is not just background, but connects with the story and the mood of the scene.
Very well written.
The only little point I noticed was
the Washington State forest the Mount St. Helens eruption- I would put a which in for easier reading 'forest, which the Mount St... -
but that's just a suggestion.
Very much enjoyed this chapter. :)
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Tessa, for your generous, six star review and suggestion. I will use it.
Yes, the scenery is not just backdrop but connects with my story. Thanks again for your review.
