Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Dead Man's Creek"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
25 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow! Some good action scenes, Ama. The battle with the red Dodge was riveting.
A few things to check on:
Charlton smoothed a hand over his flaming, red hair [He's the only one in the scene. You don't need to use his name again. It just draws attention to itself. "He" will be fine until there's a moment that would otherwise be confusing.]
I'll be more than glad to drop you somewhere. " [Extra space before close quote.]
hitting the wind shield, [hitting the windshield >> combined word]
every vein in his hands was popping. [Do you mean "popping out"? Otherwise it implies they were bursting.]
Overall, a great job, Ama.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Wow! Some good action scenes, Ama. The battle with the red Dodge was riveting.
A few things to check on:
Charlton smoothed a hand over his flaming, red hair [He's the only one in the scene. You don't need to use his name again. It just draws attention to itself. "He" will be fine until there's a moment that would otherwise be confusing.]
I'll be more than glad to drop you somewhere. " [Extra space before close quote.]
hitting the wind shield, [hitting the windshield >> combined word]
every vein in his hands was popping. [Do you mean "popping out"? Otherwise it implies they were bursting.]
Overall, a great job, Ama.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Popping LOL missed that one. Thanks Jay. I'll make the changes.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Another very good addition to the book here with this chapter. Held good tension throughout, and the pacing was great. Some of the gentle description are great - She put a fist on her curvy hip. - subtly done.
Good job
GMG
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Hi there,
Another very good addition to the book here with this chapter. Held good tension throughout, and the pacing was great. Some of the gentle description are great - She put a fist on her curvy hip. - subtly done.
Good job
GMG
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Thank you, giraffmang.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent chapter, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where Charlton is trying to escape certain death by hiding in the woods. will he be killed or will he be turned?
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reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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this is an excellent chapter, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where Charlton is trying to escape certain death by hiding in the woods. will he be killed or will he be turned?
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you. sweetwoodjax. You'll have tune in next week. Smile.
Comment from royowen
Charlton has redirected to drive through Norwich forest, but he thinks that this is counter productive and leads to nowhere, so what's going on here! Charlton is stopped by an attractive blonde with a broken down car,, but he smells a rat, a dodge with Matthew on board chases him and finally drives him off the road and Charlton hides in the forest! Well done Amahra, great suspense, what will happen from here! Well done, Good scribing, blessings, Roy.
Spag, He clicked (the?) speaker (button?)
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reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Charlton has redirected to drive through Norwich forest, but he thinks that this is counter productive and leads to nowhere, so what's going on here! Charlton is stopped by an attractive blonde with a broken down car,, but he smells a rat, a dodge with Matthew on board chases him and finally drives him off the road and Charlton hides in the forest! Well done Amahra, great suspense, what will happen from here! Well done, Good scribing, blessings, Roy.
Spag, He clicked (the?) speaker (button?)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you Roy. Always a pleasure hearing from you. I thought it was okay to leave out 'the' but I'll certainly read it and consider. Blessings.
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That's ok, I just thought it might be an oversight, well done Amahra!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Wonderfully written! The suspense is all there and believable! You didn't give in to the easy end to the conflict, but held onto it until you had me on the edge of my seat. And even at the end, you still leave me hanging, wondering what is going to happen. You wove this tale masterfully, my friend. Flawless,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Wonderfully written! The suspense is all there and believable! You didn't give in to the easy end to the conflict, but held onto it until you had me on the edge of my seat. And even at the end, you still leave me hanging, wondering what is going to happen. You wove this tale masterfully, my friend. Flawless,
Rhonda
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Wow, Rhonda. I am so flattered, my dear. Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It drove my crazy editing it. Thank you so much for supporting my work.
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It was exquisite. My best chapters have been the ones I've struggled the most with.
