Lady Lily
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Lady Lily and the Wizard 4"fantasy poem
26 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Debi; A superbly written my friend in so enjoyable as these passages continue. I truly like the battle scene is it was very descriptive and expressive in its imagery. Your rhyming was done well even though some were opaque or near rhymes they were still done well and neither forced nor labored and helpful in the rhythmic flow of your poem. But more importantly each rhyming word was contingent to the meaning and concept of your lines. Your rhythmic structural tempo, cadence and timing all were very helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and easy. Surely the Dragon (the king) will soon prevail and save the butterfly (Queen) from the evil wizard. Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always Debi.
Alex
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
  |
Debi; A superbly written my friend in so enjoyable as these passages continue. I truly like the battle scene is it was very descriptive and expressive in its imagery. Your rhyming was done well even though some were opaque or near rhymes they were still done well and neither forced nor labored and helpful in the rhythmic flow of your poem. But more importantly each rhyming word was contingent to the meaning and concept of your lines. Your rhythmic structural tempo, cadence and timing all were very helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and easy. Surely the Dragon (the king) will soon prevail and save the butterfly (Queen) from the evil wizard. Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always Debi.
Alex
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
-
Thank you for the great review, Alex. I appreciate the detailed comments and your continued encouragement. Yes, let us hope the dragon can beat the wizard and save the butterfly and the day.
-
I'm sure the Dragon will. Such a lovely story Debi.
Alex
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Debi,
Whoohoo! I was pleased to see you pop up. Love the artwork formatting. Nicely presented.
Nice adventure throughout, and then wham, all the questions at the end. Nice little hooks. Very clever.
As always, enjoyed it a lot.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2015
 |
Hi, Debi,
Whoohoo! I was pleased to see you pop up. Love the artwork formatting. Nicely presented.
Nice adventure throughout, and then wham, all the questions at the end. Nice little hooks. Very clever.
As always, enjoyed it a lot.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2015
-
Oh, Jax. Thank you for the gracious six stars! It brightens my day. I am so pleased you enjoyed this verse
Comment from Pyrrho
Great Zeus, you display such outstanding talent in this gem that i was tempted to wait until midnight when I believe I would then have a sixth star to award. But i cannot keep at it for three more hours so can only slip you five.
To maintain trochaik tetrameter is monumentally difficult especially in a narrative poem. Then, to lace it with equally outstanding alliteration boggles my mind. i am an accomplished rhymer but modestly take a back seat to you.
Were I to attempt to write in consistent Trochaic Tetrameter, I know a few iambs and spondees would slip in and randometer would also abound.
it is so rare that I run out of sixes: in fact I do not think I ever have in the past. Pity, you deserve 100% six star assessments for the subject poem.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
|
Great Zeus, you display such outstanding talent in this gem that i was tempted to wait until midnight when I believe I would then have a sixth star to award. But i cannot keep at it for three more hours so can only slip you five.
To maintain trochaik tetrameter is monumentally difficult especially in a narrative poem. Then, to lace it with equally outstanding alliteration boggles my mind. i am an accomplished rhymer but modestly take a back seat to you.
Were I to attempt to write in consistent Trochaic Tetrameter, I know a few iambs and spondees would slip in and randometer would also abound.
it is so rare that I run out of sixes: in fact I do not think I ever have in the past. Pity, you deserve 100% six star assessments for the subject poem.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
-
Wow, what an overwhelming review. I appreciate the encouraging comments. I am flattered that you thought it was worthy of six stars, but the comments are worth even more. Thank you so much, Pyrrho.
Comment from Sis Cat
This poem exhilarated me. It felt like a classic English epic poem. Beowulf comes to min. Its rhythm rocks back and forth like a pendulum in Poe's story. The rhymes and the lines are clear. The visuals are stunning. This is an exceptional piece of poetry. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
|
This poem exhilarated me. It felt like a classic English epic poem. Beowulf comes to min. Its rhythm rocks back and forth like a pendulum in Poe's story. The rhymes and the lines are clear. The visuals are stunning. This is an exceptional piece of poetry. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
-
Wow, Beowulf and Poe. This verse probably won't last as long as either of those two classics, but is sure is nice to be mentioned in their company. Thank you so much for the kind comments and encouragment.
Comment from Dawny53
Very nice! Wish I had a six star to give to you but unfortunately I'm out! This is so "in the times".. so to speak.. the kind of stuff that has become increasingly popular today.. on television and in video games.. this should draw a huge audience with folks in that mindset.. I thought it was written in spot on rhythm and good rhyme.. none forced.. and I really enjoyed it, which surprises me because I usually don't care for fiction of this kind, but this was written so well that I really enjoyed it! Nice work, I look forward to reading more from you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
|
Very nice! Wish I had a six star to give to you but unfortunately I'm out! This is so "in the times".. so to speak.. the kind of stuff that has become increasingly popular today.. on television and in video games.. this should draw a huge audience with folks in that mindset.. I thought it was written in spot on rhythm and good rhyme.. none forced.. and I really enjoyed it, which surprises me because I usually don't care for fiction of this kind, but this was written so well that I really enjoyed it! Nice work, I look forward to reading more from you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
-
Thank you so much for the excellent review and virtual six stars. I appreaciate the thought. It is so nice to hear you enjoyed reading it even though it is not a genre you typically care for. That is such a nice thing to say and very encouraging. Debi
Comment from tfawcus
Hats off to you for composing this in trochaic metre. It's not easy to maintain without stumbling. There are a couple of lines I'd perhaps review. "Oh, Joe was a fearsome foe" and "She's beguiled by the dragon". The 'Oh, Joe' at the beginning still leaves the stress on Joe. Perhaps you could get around it with "Joe he was a ..." 'She's beguil-ed' works OK if you stretch it to three syllables in the old fashioned way, otherwise I think you need another syllable there eg 'She's bamboozled by the...'
The story is progressing splendidly and it's clever of you to compose the 'hook' into the next part in verse as well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2015
|
Hats off to you for composing this in trochaic metre. It's not easy to maintain without stumbling. There are a couple of lines I'd perhaps review. "Oh, Joe was a fearsome foe" and "She's beguiled by the dragon". The 'Oh, Joe' at the beginning still leaves the stress on Joe. Perhaps you could get around it with "Joe he was a ..." 'She's beguil-ed' works OK if you stretch it to three syllables in the old fashioned way, otherwise I think you need another syllable there eg 'She's bamboozled by the...'
The story is progressing splendidly and it's clever of you to compose the 'hook' into the next part in verse as well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2015
-
Thank you for the helpful review, tfawcus. Sometimes it's hard to judge my own writing. Thank you for the detailed analysis. I changed to
Yes, he was a fearsome foe-- still not sure about the stress though--- Does it work? If not the. I will change "yes" to "Joe" as you suggestd.
And
She's beguiled by dragon magic
Thank you for the encouragement and for remembering the story. I haven't posted a thing since the first day of November so I wasn't sure anyone would recall the series.
-
Yes, that works fine, WJ.
-
Thank you! Debi
