The savage stranger
Horro writing prompt32 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements wonderfully. You made exceptionally good use of the words allotted as you deliver a truly terrifying narrative in this well penned piece. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
  |
This meets the contest requirements wonderfully. You made exceptionally good use of the words allotted as you deliver a truly terrifying narrative in this well penned piece. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you my friend Mystic for another wonderfully insprining review. God bless!
Comment from Cajungirl
This is most certainly a tale of horrific horror. So much detail in less than 200 words. Most enjoyable story. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
This is most certainly a tale of horrific horror. So much detail in less than 200 words. Most enjoyable story. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you Cajungirl for another inspiring reveiw. God bless!
Comment from butterfly4265
Very descriptive with a good, creepy atmosphere. Good choice of artwork which really complements your story. Very well written and I believe this to be a strong contender. Much enjoyed and best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
Very descriptive with a good, creepy atmosphere. Good choice of artwork which really complements your story. Very well written and I believe this to be a strong contender. Much enjoyed and best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you Butterfly for this most inspiring review and I would love to win this one. God bless!
Comment from adewpearl
Very dramatic, attention-grabbing opening
great sensory appeal and emotional intensity
I love the turn of events in your surprise ending that caught me off guard :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
Very dramatic, attention-grabbing opening
great sensory appeal and emotional intensity
I love the turn of events in your surprise ending that caught me off guard :-) Brooke
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you my friend Brooke for yet another inspiring review. God bless!
Comment from c_lucas
That was not the same penetration he was looking for. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
That was not the same penetration he was looking for. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you c_lucas for another inspiring review and he definitely did not bargain for the ending her received LOL. God bless!
-
You welcome.
Comment from mikemagine
Very fine twist! Nice set up, perfect pace. Flash fiction is an excellent vehicle for exploring possibilities, practicing conciseness, and getting the creative juices overflowing!
I see zero flaws here.
Peace.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
Very fine twist! Nice set up, perfect pace. Flash fiction is an excellent vehicle for exploring possibilities, practicing conciseness, and getting the creative juices overflowing!
I see zero flaws here.
Peace.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Yes it is Mike and mine are swirling around like a damn tornado LOL! Thank you for another inspiring review my friend. God bless!
-
You can count on it, NeoNewman! You ALWAYS impress me!
Peace in abundance!
Mike
Comment from mfowler
Horrifying story with a real twist in the blade/tail.
Gruesome buildup with tension building throughout.
The image matches so well.
A tense thriller with economy of word a priority and an aid for building fear.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
Horrifying story with a real twist in the blade/tail.
Gruesome buildup with tension building throughout.
The image matches so well.
A tense thriller with economy of word a priority and an aid for building fear.
Good luck.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you mfowler my friend for another inspiring review. God bless!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Okay, now this guy had issues.
But not anymore...
We would be absolutely mortified if we knew just how many people are actually roaming around with like problems and afflictions, I think. At least the only person he wound up killing was himself. It could have been much worse.
If you ask me, he did the world a huge favor!
Well done, a chilling terror tale with a tumultuous twist.
Good luck to you in the contest.
I loved that picture, too! Heh-heh-heh...
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
Okay, now this guy had issues.
But not anymore...
We would be absolutely mortified if we knew just how many people are actually roaming around with like problems and afflictions, I think. At least the only person he wound up killing was himself. It could have been much worse.
If you ask me, he did the world a huge favor!
Well done, a chilling terror tale with a tumultuous twist.
Good luck to you in the contest.
I loved that picture, too! Heh-heh-heh...
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you Dean, I am a huge fan of your work as twisted minds mingle. Thank you for this awesome review. God bless!
-
Well, you got my vote, anonymous. I hope it helps! :}
Comment from royowen
A very interesting horror story squeezed into a 100-200 word story, it held my attention to the bitter end, then the unexpected ending, the assailant became the victim, this is a most unusual finish, I enjoyed it, and I wish you luck in the contest, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
A very interesting horror story squeezed into a 100-200 word story, it held my attention to the bitter end, then the unexpected ending, the assailant became the victim, this is a most unusual finish, I enjoyed it, and I wish you luck in the contest, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Thank you royowen for this inspiring review you have given. God bless!
-
Most welcome, Roy.
Comment from Thewriterwithnoname
This had a poetic flow to it that I liked, but it possessed a few awkward sentences that harm the overall story. For instance: "I fell weak at the knee" Sounds very strange. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say here. Did the narrator actually fall from the weakness in his knees or did he feel weak in the knees? Another: "Adrenaline replaced blood as my eyes fell dark of color." Adrenaline replacing the blood is a bit much for a description I believe and I don't know what you're trying to say when you write that "[his] eyes fell dark of color". You're also missing a few apostrophe's to show possession: victims, strangers. Hope this helps. Luck in the contest!
EDIT
Better! Bumped you up from a 4 to 5. Typo on the felt, you left it as fel. The opening sentence is a sharp hook and the change you made to the adrenaline sentence was very nice. A few more suggestions: "Lust took control of the wheel, not a sexual lust mind you. More of a craving, more of a hunger." I think it would be better written as: "Lust took control of the wheel, not a sexual lust but more of a craving, more of a hunger." The mind you does nothing there and is needless fat for a story this short. Also: A single thrust of a long blade pierced through the lower jaw, then penetrated the brain. My eyes closed as red warmth sprayed from the jugular." I think you should write it as: "A single thrust of a long blade pierced through my lower jaw, penetrating the brain. My eyes closed as red warmth sprayed from the jugular." Removes some unnecessary words and I believe makes the description more succinct. And for the ending maybe: "Long the predator, I died as this stranger's prey." Hope this helps. Good luck!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
|
This had a poetic flow to it that I liked, but it possessed a few awkward sentences that harm the overall story. For instance: "I fell weak at the knee" Sounds very strange. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say here. Did the narrator actually fall from the weakness in his knees or did he feel weak in the knees? Another: "Adrenaline replaced blood as my eyes fell dark of color." Adrenaline replacing the blood is a bit much for a description I believe and I don't know what you're trying to say when you write that "[his] eyes fell dark of color". You're also missing a few apostrophe's to show possession: victims, strangers. Hope this helps. Luck in the contest!
EDIT
Better! Bumped you up from a 4 to 5. Typo on the felt, you left it as fel. The opening sentence is a sharp hook and the change you made to the adrenaline sentence was very nice. A few more suggestions: "Lust took control of the wheel, not a sexual lust mind you. More of a craving, more of a hunger." I think it would be better written as: "Lust took control of the wheel, not a sexual lust but more of a craving, more of a hunger." The mind you does nothing there and is needless fat for a story this short. Also: A single thrust of a long blade pierced through the lower jaw, then penetrated the brain. My eyes closed as red warmth sprayed from the jugular." I think you should write it as: "A single thrust of a long blade pierced through my lower jaw, penetrating the brain. My eyes closed as red warmth sprayed from the jugular." Removes some unnecessary words and I believe makes the description more succinct. And for the ending maybe: "Long the predator, I died as this stranger's prey." Hope this helps. Good luck!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
-
Yes Thewriterwithnoname, this has been most helpful and I would love it if you read the editing. This is a most inspiring review as this is the kind of feedback I seek. God bless!
