Nightcap
The perils of drunk-dialing42 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Witty and well-told, D! Glad it's not true. An entertaining story, nonetheless. Flawless meter. Creative rhyming (especially in closing couplet) and superb, deftly-woven poetic devices (as usual!)
Particularly eloquent phrasing here:
A poet's long-sequestered love obsession
Goes public with the tongue, and not the pen.
And particularly phonetic sonic here with alliteration and consonance of W (withheld and swelled--nice rhyme pair--resonant!)and all those S sounds too:
But still he hoped for more? for words withheld
Until she knew he felt the same way, too.
He sat and waited and, as silence swelled,
He shrank beneath the tone of her adieu.
Rolls off the tongue read aloud.
Clever and amusing closing couplet.
Excellent enjambement and flow.
Good compositional style with fine volta and a funny conclusion.
Love,rd
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Witty and well-told, D! Glad it's not true. An entertaining story, nonetheless. Flawless meter. Creative rhyming (especially in closing couplet) and superb, deftly-woven poetic devices (as usual!)
Particularly eloquent phrasing here:
A poet's long-sequestered love obsession
Goes public with the tongue, and not the pen.
And particularly phonetic sonic here with alliteration and consonance of W (withheld and swelled--nice rhyme pair--resonant!)and all those S sounds too:
But still he hoped for more? for words withheld
Until she knew he felt the same way, too.
He sat and waited and, as silence swelled,
He shrank beneath the tone of her adieu.
Rolls off the tongue read aloud.
Clever and amusing closing couplet.
Excellent enjambement and flow.
Good compositional style with fine volta and a funny conclusion.
Love,rd
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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I'm glad, too, my friend. I just prefer to write about internal and external conflict and melancholy as opposed to the kitty cats and rainbows. As always, I so appreciate the great review, and the detail that nobody achieves better than you.
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*humble blush* thanks! :) yeah, I also prefer deep-thinking or deep-emotional or transcendent mystical poetry too. :)
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PS i.e. *substance*
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Exactly! I knew you'd know what I meant.
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:-)) Our shared creative connection (and taste) ... it's such a precious treasure, dear D
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PS Makes me glad I did not leave FS for long...as I had intended.
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And it makes me glad I came back...which I had NOT intended.
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Yay!
I was thinking about Emerging poets today--we had a great group there but people were active only intermittently and only a couple dozen at that. Here we have just as many (or more) people worthwhile to exchange reviews with who are far more active. If one does not lose patience with the superficial reviews, it is worth it to stay here--and also to be of service and set an example for newbies eager to learn, who are disappointed when they come here to learn and grow in writing but find it a vanity social site instead. Let's hang in, okay? ;-))
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I will, at least for now.
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Ah, same here. If you were to go--I'd likely leave sooner! Do you know Warren Rodgers? He writes exquisite sonnets sometimes...just reviewed one. Lots of nuances and devices in his work--but he does not post often, so I wonder if you met him. I mentioned you to him. :) Love, rd
Comment from nancy_e_davis
She hung up because she recognized him as a loser.
There are givers and takers and movers and shakers.
This is a proper Shakespearean Sonnet David. I see nothing wrong. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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She hung up because she recognized him as a loser.
There are givers and takers and movers and shakers.
This is a proper Shakespearean Sonnet David. I see nothing wrong. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Nancy. I actually think she hung up because she saw him as a friend, and had no interest in him beyond that. He hadn't had the courage to tell her, at least until he was plastered. Now, that's MY interpretation, but the only reason I left it unsaid is because I love that people can come up with their own 'fill in the blanks' moments.
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I always love the interpretations of poems. It's very interesting. Nancy
Comment from Norbanus
The written word to spew romantic verve?
That could come back to bite one on the butt
The whiskey might bring on the needed nerve.
And earn the poet two kicks in the gut
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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The written word to spew romantic verve?
That could come back to bite one on the butt
The whiskey might bring on the needed nerve.
And earn the poet two kicks in the gut
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Fred! Kicks in the gut AND the butt are common when depending on alcohol for the nerve.
Comment from mermaids
This is a good poem to show what can happen when we decide to talk to someone when we are drunk. She never said good-bye is a great line,it reflects a powerful emotion and is true to life.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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This is a good poem to show what can happen when we decide to talk to someone when we are drunk. She never said good-bye is a great line,it reflects a powerful emotion and is true to life.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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So true, mermaid! Thank you so much.
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
It's true for someone somewhere. I can't help but wonder what was the confession? The verse hinges on it. We'll blame it on the alcohol. Another great sonnet deserving of more reward than I have to give. Kenny
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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It's true for someone somewhere. I can't help but wonder what was the confession? The verse hinges on it. We'll blame it on the alcohol. Another great sonnet deserving of more reward than I have to give. Kenny
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Kenny. Your review is more than enough. The confession, in my mind, is a confession of love, but I do like to leave it open for the reader to plug in whatever comes to mind.
Comment from Donya Quijote
Ya' know I can't help but feel a little sorry for this wannabe lover. A little alcohol, a late hour, and the overwhelming power of that lonely feeling can and often do conspire to drive one to do something that one wouldn't do under normal conditions. I like the matter-of- fact tone you employ here, as well as the absence of empathy or sympathy here in the same. The story concludes as it should with a buzz. I am pretty sure that that would have been my reaction to such a conversation. Also because I love language so much I must give you a thumbs up for using adieu. Doesn't goodbye sound so much softer and even sweet in French, even when that same goodbye was likely very terse? Rhyme and meter are flawless and pleasant as they have been since I first dropped by to read one of your gems. Sure wish I could master both. As it stands now I can't even compete as a rookie in poetry with both rhyme and meter.
This review may be our adieu too as I have noted that you will soon cut off standards. And I don't know when I will return in full. It has been a pleasure.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Ya' know I can't help but feel a little sorry for this wannabe lover. A little alcohol, a late hour, and the overwhelming power of that lonely feeling can and often do conspire to drive one to do something that one wouldn't do under normal conditions. I like the matter-of- fact tone you employ here, as well as the absence of empathy or sympathy here in the same. The story concludes as it should with a buzz. I am pretty sure that that would have been my reaction to such a conversation. Also because I love language so much I must give you a thumbs up for using adieu. Doesn't goodbye sound so much softer and even sweet in French, even when that same goodbye was likely very terse? Rhyme and meter are flawless and pleasant as they have been since I first dropped by to read one of your gems. Sure wish I could master both. As it stands now I can't even compete as a rookie in poetry with both rhyme and meter.
This review may be our adieu too as I have noted that you will soon cut off standards. And I don't know when I will return in full. It has been a pleasure.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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What a great review, Donya. I didn't even know you were a standard member, and I enjoy your reviews enough to NOT cut them off, just so I can keep receiving your excellent thoughts. Thank you SO much!
Comment from livelylinda
David: yes, I've heard about drunk-dialing; never ends up good. Same goes for reviewing when you are really tired. . .I've upset more than one author with my total, unflowered honesty at 1 a.m.; always honest but at that time, a little too blunt. Good write. livelylinda
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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David: yes, I've heard about drunk-dialing; never ends up good. Same goes for reviewing when you are really tired. . .I've upset more than one author with my total, unflowered honesty at 1 a.m.; always honest but at that time, a little too blunt. Good write. livelylinda
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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I know what you mean, Linda! Thanks so much!
Comment from vigabo
Powerful and beautifully handled. Very impressive using an old-fashioned style to put across a very contemporary life situation. I find this so clever. Started to read, was going to stop and felt compelled to finish. Glad I did. Well done!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Powerful and beautifully handled. Very impressive using an old-fashioned style to put across a very contemporary life situation. I find this so clever. Started to read, was going to stop and felt compelled to finish. Glad I did. Well done!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, vigabo. Glad you finished!
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Me too!
Comment from jandeck
I love your modern day sonnet. It is cute, and clever, and really made me smile. Last lines were especially good, he was answered by the droning of the dial tone. Well done!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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I love your modern day sonnet. It is cute, and clever, and really made me smile. Last lines were especially good, he was answered by the droning of the dial tone. Well done!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, jandeck! I appreciate the great review!
Comment from angelface2
HM> I never thought about quite that way. Very good write. I loved reading it. You have put a smile on my face for me. Thanks for sharing. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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HM> I never thought about quite that way. Very good write. I loved reading it. You have put a smile on my face for me. Thanks for sharing. Miss Sally
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, Sally. Glad for the smile and for your review.
