Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Truth Sometimes Hurts"A Boy's Story of the rural South
35 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this immensely. You took me on a wonderful trip down memory lane with this one. I remember the movies, serials, and Movie-tone news. Great descriptions and I just love Rabbit. He was lucky the only this he hurt was the mirror. Scary stuff, playing with a gun.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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I enjoyed this immensely. You took me on a wonderful trip down memory lane with this one. I remember the movies, serials, and Movie-tone news. Great descriptions and I just love Rabbit. He was lucky the only this he hurt was the mirror. Scary stuff, playing with a gun.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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I'm so glad you enjoyed! This is written as fiction, but I can tell you that a lot is true (like the gun story). Regards, Bill
Comment from mizzkris20
This is very interesting. Your story grabbed and pulled me in. It is very descriptive. I have to admit I chuckled at times. Your main character is quite the boy. lol
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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This is very interesting. Your story grabbed and pulled me in. It is very descriptive. I have to admit I chuckled at times. Your main character is quite the boy. lol
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading and the kind feedback. Both are very much appreciated. Bill
Comment from KristinaRuzenka
Beautiful and very entertaining. The story was told in such a charming way and I just cant wait to read how it ends. A great piece of work!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Beautiful and very entertaining. The story was told in such a charming way and I just cant wait to read how it ends. A great piece of work!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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I can't tell you how it ends, but I can promise you that Rabbit doesn't die. He is based on me and I'm 63, so ..... Regards, Bill
Comment from Adri7enne
You had me chuckling by the end of the second paragraph. You weren't always a little ray of sunshine either as a kid, uh? LOL! Poor Beaver!
"my grandpa has a gun that looks like Sheriff KANES." KANE'S
You little dickens! Looking through drawers and finding the gun. Boy children are perfidious little creatures. LOL!
Shot a hole in the mirror! You little terror! LOL!
I loved the idea of you trying to think up a story to cover yourself. LOL!
A fun read, Bill. Your kids and grandkids would get such a kick reading this.
Well done!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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You had me chuckling by the end of the second paragraph. You weren't always a little ray of sunshine either as a kid, uh? LOL! Poor Beaver!
"my grandpa has a gun that looks like Sheriff KANES." KANE'S
You little dickens! Looking through drawers and finding the gun. Boy children are perfidious little creatures. LOL!
Shot a hole in the mirror! You little terror! LOL!
I loved the idea of you trying to think up a story to cover yourself. LOL!
A fun read, Bill. Your kids and grandkids would get such a kick reading this.
Well done!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Adri - you give such kind reviews. Thank you very much! This is written as fiction, but I have to tell you ... most is true. Bill
Comment from c_lucas
Grandpa didn't appreciate your defending the farm from outlaws. This is very well written with a smooth flow fo words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Grandpa didn't appreciate your defending the farm from outlaws. This is very well written with a smooth flow fo words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Thanks Charlie - I'm always glad when you drop by. Bill
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You're welcome, Bill. Charlie
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, Bill, those Saturday matinees will always warm my heart. And you're right, they were either Vincent Price horror flicks, bad sci-fi, or Westerns. We had three theaters on Main Street, and I can still distinquish their different smells.
Keep the chapters coming.
Peace, Lee
looks like Sheriff Kane(')s.
(.)38 Police Special
...and shoot it?(")
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Ah, Bill, those Saturday matinees will always warm my heart. And you're right, they were either Vincent Price horror flicks, bad sci-fi, or Westerns. We had three theaters on Main Street, and I can still distinquish their different smells.
Keep the chapters coming.
Peace, Lee
looks like Sheriff Kane(')s.
(.)38 Police Special
...and shoot it?(")
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading Lee. I always appreciate you taking the time to help me get better. Regards, Bill
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Bill, I'm enjoying your story. Lee
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Oh, my. Well, at least you didn't shoot yourself in the foot.
A couple of things to look at:
"The only negative of this was they didn't really want to leave me by myself." - The only negative in this arrangement
"She must not have talked to Virge. Since he called his niece Sugar Butts, he shortened the nickname for Wesley to plain old Sugar." - doesn't make sense
Seems that this is to be a really educational summer for Rabbit. Well done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Oh, my. Well, at least you didn't shoot yourself in the foot.
A couple of things to look at:
"The only negative of this was they didn't really want to leave me by myself." - The only negative in this arrangement
"She must not have talked to Virge. Since he called his niece Sugar Butts, he shortened the nickname for Wesley to plain old Sugar." - doesn't make sense
Seems that this is to be a really educational summer for Rabbit. Well done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Hi Nancy - thanks for reading and the suggestions. I agree that arrangement would flow better, but I'm trying to write POV of a nine year old boy. To really understand Sugar Butts, you almost would have had to read chapter one. He called her Sugar Butts because she had a huge butt. I'll definitely re-visit that sentence though. Always warm regards, Bill
Comment from Realist101
Hi Bill! The heck with missing commas, this was hilarious. BUT, a kid and a gun don't mix...usually! AND seven years bad luck to boot! Lol! My dad had guns and my brother and I never touched them. Not once. We knew better. He had a belt. :) Nice work and I hope this will be a paperback? I'd buy it! Nice work my friend. Susan
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Hi Bill! The heck with missing commas, this was hilarious. BUT, a kid and a gun don't mix...usually! AND seven years bad luck to boot! Lol! My dad had guns and my brother and I never touched them. Not once. We knew better. He had a belt. :) Nice work and I hope this will be a paperback? I'd buy it! Nice work my friend. Susan
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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Thanks Susan - if you buy the book, that will bring my readership to about twenty! Always warm regards, Bill
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:) Now, you have more fans than that! lol! I will buy a book of yours tho? I can't remember if you told me you are published? Let me know...I'll be gone from FS in a couple of days. My very best to you Bill. It's been a pleasure. Susan
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Susan - I'm not published. I've posted stuff in local newspapers, etc., but haven't gone that next step. Perhaps you are headed that way? Bill
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I'm going to try...I hope to see your name in the bookstores Bill. I really think you're that good. You are a top writer on FS and only need post more to have top rank. :) But rank isn't all that counts. I'm still learning, as we all are. This last book is superb...hope you're saving it so you can send it out? :) S.
Comment from Shirley B
Oh Bill, This chapter is great. Somehow I can just see you going through your grandpa's drawer and getting more than you bargained for. LOL Great description of your cousin Wesley. It made me laugh. Great job, Shirley
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2013
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Oh Bill, This chapter is great. Somehow I can just see you going through your grandpa's drawer and getting more than you bargained for. LOL Great description of your cousin Wesley. It made me laugh. Great job, Shirley
Comment Written 13-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading Shirley and your very kind feedback :) Bill
Comment from adewpearl
love the forthright description of fat cousin Wesley LOL
Oh, even his teeth are bad, the poor, unfortunate child LOL
You work information about the state of society into your personal story seamlessly
I would capitalize Coke or use cola
Wesley leans up and whispers - why the shift to present tense?
my grandparent's were now down by the pond - drop the apostrophe
Rabbit, did you take my gun - add comma for direct address
Excellent, natural-sounding dialogue that conveys the emotions of the characters well
I like Grandpa's handling of the gun incident - he is firm but not all yelling and hysterical - you know he means business without his whipping anyone.
Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2013
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love the forthright description of fat cousin Wesley LOL
Oh, even his teeth are bad, the poor, unfortunate child LOL
You work information about the state of society into your personal story seamlessly
I would capitalize Coke or use cola
Wesley leans up and whispers - why the shift to present tense?
my grandparent's were now down by the pond - drop the apostrophe
Rabbit, did you take my gun - add comma for direct address
Excellent, natural-sounding dialogue that conveys the emotions of the characters well
I like Grandpa's handling of the gun incident - he is firm but not all yelling and hysterical - you know he means business without his whipping anyone.
Brooke
Comment Written 13-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2013
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Thanks Brooke. I'm glad you enjoyed. I very much appreciate your constructive feedback. Bill
