Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 73 "part two, Chapter 22"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
78 total reviews
Comment from OLA THOMAS
I think that was the last open kiss to be seen by readers and reviewers of this book on this site. Wonderful work.
I like the boldness and faithful stand of Anna as put in: "Daddy, I don't want to be disrespectful, but you're wrong. Paul was my lawyer. He and Betty have treated me like their own daughter. They found my apartment, they helped me with furniture, and now they're letting me heal in their home. But the most important thing they have taught me is how to make decisions."
This summaries it all.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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I think that was the last open kiss to be seen by readers and reviewers of this book on this site. Wonderful work.
I like the boldness and faithful stand of Anna as put in: "Daddy, I don't want to be disrespectful, but you're wrong. Paul was my lawyer. He and Betty have treated me like their own daughter. They found my apartment, they helped me with furniture, and now they're letting me heal in their home. But the most important thing they have taught me is how to make decisions."
This summaries it all.
ola thomas
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dbmccarter
Bravo! I like that you ended it with Anna not wanting to rush into marriage. That would be the only way she could discover what she really wanted. What's next.?
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Bravo! I like that you ended it with Anna not wanting to rush into marriage. That would be the only way she could discover what she really wanted. What's next.?
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I have a new novel in the works. I will be stretching a lot, so we will see if I can pull it off.
Comment from Cornelius2000
This is first-rate writing. Your dialogue races along, and it took me with it.
I was just a bit surprised at Abner's miraculous transition from an arrogant, angry old guy into a pussycat who offers to pray over the meal. You might need to give a little more attention to his metamorphosis.
A nice story, with a good wrap-up. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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This is first-rate writing. Your dialogue races along, and it took me with it.
I was just a bit surprised at Abner's miraculous transition from an arrogant, angry old guy into a pussycat who offers to pray over the meal. You might need to give a little more attention to his metamorphosis.
A nice story, with a good wrap-up. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Flamingbush
I like the people in your stories always seem to reconcile. They have their disagreements and at times make harsh statements, but it doesn't take long for them to get over the conflict.
It feels like a lot of love went into this.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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I like the people in your stories always seem to reconcile. They have their disagreements and at times make harsh statements, but it doesn't take long for them to get over the conflict.
It feels like a lot of love went into this.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
A very satisfying end. It was nice to see Anna tell her dad squarely what was going on and not going on. Question: Do you have a publisher or publisher's guide so you know where to submit?
I'm not near ready to do it; just interested in the information. Thanks and blessings.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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A very satisfying end. It was nice to see Anna tell her dad squarely what was going on and not going on. Question: Do you have a publisher or publisher's guide so you know where to submit?
I'm not near ready to do it; just interested in the information. Thanks and blessings.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I have a guide and that's about it. Any suggestions?
Comment from Otto Loewi
I'm sure you heard this a lot, but you are a fantastic writer. The characters are real, organic and painted with strong emotions. I haven't read the other chapters, but this chapter as a stand-alone is captivating. The father being overprotective, suspicious. The daughter showing bravery, standing up to her father. The father coming down off his suspicions and apologizing. It's a great read.
Here are a few things I noticed that you may want to consider revising:
"Abner's face turned beet red"--"beet red" has become somewhat of a cliche now. Perhaps there's a better phrase you can come up with to describe the color.
"Abner clinched his teeth."-- I'm sure this was intentional, and it's nice to read something other then "clenched his teeth". Although, I think "clinch" has a different connotation, which doesn't apply to teeth. Usually it refers to fastening things together with nails or screws. Just a thought.
"God fearing people"-Usually, "God fearing" is hyphenated, i.e. "God-fearing".
"high chair"--This may be a personal preference, but I feel that "high chair" should be one word, i.e. "highchair".
"I think we need to say blessing again."-- I believe there should be a "the" before blessing.
"Thank you for bringing us together under one roof and one table."-- I think you should put an "at" before "one table". After all, they're not brought together "under the table".
"flower beds"--I believe this is usually one word, i.e. "flowerbeds".
I understand these are nitpicky comments, most of which you could ignore without changing the meaning of the piece. But I thought I'd bring them up, because they stuck out to me. Overall, great piece.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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I'm sure you heard this a lot, but you are a fantastic writer. The characters are real, organic and painted with strong emotions. I haven't read the other chapters, but this chapter as a stand-alone is captivating. The father being overprotective, suspicious. The daughter showing bravery, standing up to her father. The father coming down off his suspicions and apologizing. It's a great read.
Here are a few things I noticed that you may want to consider revising:
"Abner's face turned beet red"--"beet red" has become somewhat of a cliche now. Perhaps there's a better phrase you can come up with to describe the color.
"Abner clinched his teeth."-- I'm sure this was intentional, and it's nice to read something other then "clenched his teeth". Although, I think "clinch" has a different connotation, which doesn't apply to teeth. Usually it refers to fastening things together with nails or screws. Just a thought.
"God fearing people"-Usually, "God fearing" is hyphenated, i.e. "God-fearing".
"high chair"--This may be a personal preference, but I feel that "high chair" should be one word, i.e. "highchair".
"I think we need to say blessing again."-- I believe there should be a "the" before blessing.
"Thank you for bringing us together under one roof and one table."-- I think you should put an "at" before "one table". After all, they're not brought together "under the table".
"flower beds"--I believe this is usually one word, i.e. "flowerbeds".
I understand these are nitpicky comments, most of which you could ignore without changing the meaning of the piece. But I thought I'd bring them up, because they stuck out to me. Overall, great piece.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the changes.
Comment from harmony13
Great Romance Fiction! I read some of it before and was able to pick up the story here. Thank you for a read that flowed and connected well. I never lost interest throughout the read. Thank you for a well written chapter -
I really enjoyed it. Thank you, harmony13
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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Great Romance Fiction! I read some of it before and was able to pick up the story here. Thank you for a read that flowed and connected well. I never lost interest throughout the read. Thank you for a well written chapter -
I really enjoyed it. Thank you, harmony13
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from marion
Hi there
I don't usually stop partway in a novel and in this case the end chapter! But I really enjoyed the crisp clear writing centered around the dinner table. I like the interaction with the characters, and the conflict with Anna's stubborn father who luckily comes around. Lovely end line. And that flower - perfect. We have a different name for this flower in New Zealand! Good luck with your new novel. You write well. Marion.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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Hi there
I don't usually stop partway in a novel and in this case the end chapter! But I really enjoyed the crisp clear writing centered around the dinner table. I like the interaction with the characters, and the conflict with Anna's stubborn father who luckily comes around. Lovely end line. And that flower - perfect. We have a different name for this flower in New Zealand! Good luck with your new novel. You write well. Marion.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and insight.
Comment from Nanashirley
This story has been one of the best tear jerker I have read. I usually prefer adventure stories but I find I like all of your writing. Praying for your health. Shirley
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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This story has been one of the best tear jerker I have read. I usually prefer adventure stories but I find I like all of your writing. Praying for your health. Shirley
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I didn't read any of this book but was interested to see the last chapter. You did a good job with it. Final chapters are tricky. You took care of Abner's suspicions and also had him see where he was wrong previously, paving the way for a happy ending for all.
One thing I would change is when she gives a specific time of a year to heal. It's unrealistic. One cannot predict something like that so it sounds artificial. How about just saying something to the effect that she expects it won't be long now that all the conflicts are resolved. Leave readers with the hope that it will be as soon as WE like in our own minds. Just my take on it.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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I didn't read any of this book but was interested to see the last chapter. You did a good job with it. Final chapters are tricky. You took care of Abner's suspicions and also had him see where he was wrong previously, paving the way for a happy ending for all.
One thing I would change is when she gives a specific time of a year to heal. It's unrealistic. One cannot predict something like that so it sounds artificial. How about just saying something to the effect that she expects it won't be long now that all the conflicts are resolved. Leave readers with the hope that it will be as soon as WE like in our own minds. Just my take on it.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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I will take a second look at that area. Thank you for your kind review.
