Fire Inside
A short poem162 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Vincent Phelps,
I enjoyed reading this poem ~ good count and format. I like the chosen artwork. Of note ...
You're fire in the dark
(I call that love, but it could also be a few other things too, but I like to think that it's love.)
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
  |
Hello Vincent Phelps,
I enjoyed reading this poem ~ good count and format. I like the chosen artwork. Of note ...
You're fire in the dark
(I call that love, but it could also be a few other things too, but I like to think that it's love.)
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from Fleedleflump
I say this is frickin' awesome. So many FSPs (f**king short poems) fall into that terrible note-taking, gnomic utterance style of writing (bird flocks hard, soul rupture, sky limits dog etc (hey, maybe I should post that!)). You've come at this with a fresh approach, avoiding the 'teachings', and I love it. It's criminal you don't have a six rating for this, and I suspect it's down to the haiku/senryu purists, who fail to see that you're just writing a 575, not trying to satisfy the 4873 rules of japanese formal poetry. In case it isn't already obvious, I have a bee in my bonnet about this!
Let's see if I can redress the star balance.
Mike
 |
I say this is frickin' awesome. So many FSPs (f**king short poems) fall into that terrible note-taking, gnomic utterance style of writing (bird flocks hard, soul rupture, sky limits dog etc (hey, maybe I should post that!)). You've come at this with a fresh approach, avoiding the 'teachings', and I love it. It's criminal you don't have a six rating for this, and I suspect it's down to the haiku/senryu purists, who fail to see that you're just writing a 575, not trying to satisfy the 4873 rules of japanese formal poetry. In case it isn't already obvious, I have a bee in my bonnet about this!
Let's see if I can redress the star balance.
Mike
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from MizKat
~Vincent Phelps~ Your 5 - 7 - 5 poem for the contest is beautiful. I really enjoyed reading it. The picture you chose to go with it fits perfectly too. Kat
|
~Vincent Phelps~ Your 5 - 7 - 5 poem for the contest is beautiful. I really enjoyed reading it. The picture you chose to go with it fits perfectly too. Kat
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from IshaanGupta
That's spme great stuff. You always want to read vehement poetry as a reader and yours is one. do keep up the good work.
 |
That's spme great stuff. You always want to read vehement poetry as a reader and yours is one. do keep up the good work.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from simonbagh
Fire that not only lives itself but also gifts love and life who understands that is in need, very well written and truly meaningful a piece, Simon.
|
Fire that not only lives itself but also gifts love and life who understands that is in need, very well written and truly meaningful a piece, Simon.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Well easy or not, this one worked out pretty good, didn't it? Nice rhythm and good words, easily fulfills the contest requirement, I'd say. Good luck.
cheers
js
|
Well easy or not, this one worked out pretty good, didn't it? Nice rhythm and good words, easily fulfills the contest requirement, I'd say. Good luck.
cheers
js
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from WanderingRonin
The poem flowed well for a 5-7-5. It might not have come easily, but if you were going to capture the emotion of passion, I believe you succeeded. The rhythm was nice, and I like how you simply began with the same word on each line (you).
|
The poem flowed well for a 5-7-5. It might not have come easily, but if you were going to capture the emotion of passion, I believe you succeeded. The rhythm was nice, and I like how you simply began with the same word on each line (you).
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from Nhala
that is about as badass a 16 word poem can be
the color is alive and vivid, great pic
and the image burns just like the verse
woooohooo LET'S RIDE YEA
ghost(w)rider
Nhala
|
that is about as badass a 16 word poem can be
the color is alive and vivid, great pic
and the image burns just like the verse
woooohooo LET'S RIDE YEA
ghost(w)rider
Nhala
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from letterB
I am not a big fan of the apostrophe, as it connects words and shortens them, usually for no good reason. You're is actually two syllables all be it the sound does not give rise to this truth. A good read.
|
I am not a big fan of the apostrophe, as it connects words and shortens them, usually for no good reason. You're is actually two syllables all be it the sound does not give rise to this truth. A good read.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
Comment from micci
Well written poem you can not tell that it was your first ever one it was beautiful to read and had a great flow to it, I enjoyed reading it.
|
Well written poem you can not tell that it was your first ever one it was beautiful to read and had a great flow to it, I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2012
