Monster Spray
A girl learns to deal with monsters in the night.29 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
This is a treasure of a story. You have it all: family love, affection, empathy, good spooky ingredients and the power of suggestion. I enjoyed your parents creative way to make you feel safe and not belittle your fears when you were young. The nice smell was a sweet touch for a young girl. :-)
A tiny spag, maybe two: I knew it is (was) MY job to be the vigilant sentry
big coffee table where I ccould (could) watch them
Very enjoyable slice of your life. :-)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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This is a treasure of a story. You have it all: family love, affection, empathy, good spooky ingredients and the power of suggestion. I enjoyed your parents creative way to make you feel safe and not belittle your fears when you were young. The nice smell was a sweet touch for a young girl. :-)
A tiny spag, maybe two: I knew it is (was) MY job to be the vigilant sentry
big coffee table where I ccould (could) watch them
Very enjoyable slice of your life. :-)
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the heads up and the kind words.
Comment from elgone
What a wonderful story about the caress of the dark side of the creative influence. I used to love being scared shitless when I was very young. As I matured I lost some of the affinity for such tales. I think that happened around the time I was 25 and learned how to wake up within a dream and halt a nightmare in progress. I have never had a nightmare since.
E
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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What a wonderful story about the caress of the dark side of the creative influence. I used to love being scared shitless when I was very young. As I matured I lost some of the affinity for such tales. I think that happened around the time I was 25 and learned how to wake up within a dream and halt a nightmare in progress. I have never had a nightmare since.
E
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Lucky you. I still have nightmares about a house I once lived in that had many strange happenings. Thanks for the review and kind words.
Comment from humpwhistle
I like this story very much, Magic Wand. Your parents were very wise and resourceful. A couple of thoughts you might want to consider. Give the reader age references in both sections of your story. At least tell us how much time transpired. Also, consider tenses. It seems to me that past tense would work better in the first part, and present in the second part. Just some thoughts to consider.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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I like this story very much, Magic Wand. Your parents were very wise and resourceful. A couple of thoughts you might want to consider. Give the reader age references in both sections of your story. At least tell us how much time transpired. Also, consider tenses. It seems to me that past tense would work better in the first part, and present in the second part. Just some thoughts to consider.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Oh, i know. I struggle with tenses all the time. I had originally told it in the past tense, then changed it up, Now I need to read it again and see what I can do to improve it. Thanks for the review and heads up.
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I'm thinking that you are about fifteen in the second part of your story. If so, I'd right the whole thing from that perspective. Write it like a fifteen year old would.
write the first part in the past tense (fifteen year old reminiscing), and the second part in the present tense. I don't mean to meddle, but I like your story a lot and...well, I'm meddling. Lee
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Heavens, that is not meddling. That is why I am here at Fanstory. I love the critiquing. It makes us all better writers. I appreciate any comments, especially when it can help me to recognize any short- comings.
Comment from livelylinda
Magic Wand,
What wonderful parents you had that loved you so much they would put on the charade about the Monster Spray to help make you feel safe. I wish that I would have thought of it as I had a daughter with such fears. I would check under the bed and in her closet for her and order any monsters out of her bedroom, but never thought of a spray.
This is a heartwarming story. . .and who knows, maybe the smell of lavendar is what really scares monsters away??
livelylinda
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Magic Wand,
What wonderful parents you had that loved you so much they would put on the charade about the Monster Spray to help make you feel safe. I wish that I would have thought of it as I had a daughter with such fears. I would check under the bed and in her closet for her and order any monsters out of her bedroom, but never thought of a spray.
This is a heartwarming story. . .and who knows, maybe the smell of lavendar is what really scares monsters away??
livelylinda
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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I think as parents, we have all been there. I don't know how I came up with the idea of the Monster Spray, maybe a mothers' networking tip, but it did work for quite a while, and even trickled down to the younger children (five total) as they began to realize the night can be scary. Now my grandchildren have reaped the rewards of Monster Spray. Thank you for the beautiful stars.
Comment from bkbehera
My 11 year son does, exactly. In spite of my repeated asking, he watches the horror story on TV and use to scare loudly, sometimes, even in the midnight. It is a lovely fiction seems to be true. I am impressed.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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My 11 year son does, exactly. In spite of my repeated asking, he watches the horror story on TV and use to scare loudly, sometimes, even in the midnight. It is a lovely fiction seems to be true. I am impressed.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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It is a truth-based fiction. We used Monster Spray with five children. there was no garage sale or little old ladies, just embellishments on a family story. Thank you for the review.
Comment from Devados
MW- I helped raise three children, this is a beautiful story and very well written. Moms are truly wise aren't they? Thanks for the gift of sweet memories. Devados
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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MW- I helped raise three children, this is a beautiful story and very well written. Moms are truly wise aren't they? Thanks for the gift of sweet memories. Devados
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Moms have to be inventive sometimes to alleviate the fears of their children.Thank you for the great review.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
What a delightful story. I can imagine a million young kids who would feel safe, if they believed their parents cared enough to protect them with "Monster Spray."
I have only one suggestion: One night I [forget ==> forgot] to ask my dad to put new batteries in my flashlight. {i think this should be past tense rather than active voice.}
This is a wonderful story. It should have been entered in the horror story contest. I think it would have been a certain winner.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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What a delightful story. I can imagine a million young kids who would feel safe, if they believed their parents cared enough to protect them with "Monster Spray."
I have only one suggestion: One night I [forget ==> forgot] to ask my dad to put new batteries in my flashlight. {i think this should be past tense rather than active voice.}
This is a wonderful story. It should have been entered in the horror story contest. I think it would have been a certain winner.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Yes, those tenses are a thorn I deal with often. I like your tips, and thank you for the great review.
Comment from Chris Tee
this is an absolutely marvelous write that we have here and put a smile on my dial for a while a few times old sport. Well done indeed with this work.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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this is an absolutely marvelous write that we have here and put a smile on my dial for a while a few times old sport. Well done indeed with this work.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the review. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from LAFraser
This is really good stuff. Thank you for posting. I could imagine you holding that can, proudly declaring that it is guaranteed to repel the monsters. I spotted a few minor typos, but you did a great job of keeping my attention with a compelling and humorous story. Well done.
~Eilish
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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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This is really good stuff. Thank you for posting. I could imagine you holding that can, proudly declaring that it is guaranteed to repel the monsters. I spotted a few minor typos, but you did a great job of keeping my attention with a compelling and humorous story. Well done.
~Eilish
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thanks, I will check again for those pesky errors.
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You're welcome. I look forward to reading more of your work. :-) Have a great weekend.
~Eilish
