Gone
Inside himself27 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Suse, this is very well done. You capture the feeling of hopelessness well and don't dwell too long on the details of what brought him to this pass. Just told us his marriage was over. Can't find any flaws. Is the period in front of 98 intentional? :) Nancy
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Suse, this is very well done. You capture the feeling of hopelessness well and don't dwell too long on the details of what brought him to this pass. Just told us his marriage was over. Can't find any flaws. Is the period in front of 98 intentional? :) Nancy
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi Nancy...Oh the .98? I think so. I should double check it. I thought that was how it looked on the cars. GOOD point. It was his marriage...but because he was an alcoholic? Hope is worked like it is. I'll let you know what I find out about the name of the car? Thank you very much Nancy!! hug, Susan
Comment from Kate Walker
Hi Susan, You Wow-ed me again.
You have an uncanny way of getting inside your character's heads and psyches, and right down deep to where their most private feelings are. You must be an old soul who's lived many a life here before. Each of your character portraits, that I've read so far, is quite individual.
Though this is a character portrait, it has the 'hook' of a story in that you create situations and character responses that suggestion something dire is going to happen, and we keep on reading to find out what.
I was totally in sympathy with this character despite his negative take on people and life. (Which is not my take at all.) You presented him in such a way that a reader would feel compassion for him.
The prose is beautiful. I love the way your writing presents a tapestry of images, alongside a tapestry of the character's emotions. To quote just one very simple example: 'Searching for a smile. A face that would save him.'
Again, I can suggestion nothing. This is a complete little gem. Kate
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi Susan, You Wow-ed me again.
You have an uncanny way of getting inside your character's heads and psyches, and right down deep to where their most private feelings are. You must be an old soul who's lived many a life here before. Each of your character portraits, that I've read so far, is quite individual.
Though this is a character portrait, it has the 'hook' of a story in that you create situations and character responses that suggestion something dire is going to happen, and we keep on reading to find out what.
I was totally in sympathy with this character despite his negative take on people and life. (Which is not my take at all.) You presented him in such a way that a reader would feel compassion for him.
The prose is beautiful. I love the way your writing presents a tapestry of images, alongside a tapestry of the character's emotions. To quote just one very simple example: 'Searching for a smile. A face that would save him.'
Again, I can suggestion nothing. This is a complete little gem. Kate
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi Kate! Thank you very much. Your details are so helpful and encouraging. We need to know what works and what doesn't...very good review. I will nominate you if possible. We only have six a month? I think...I am just thrilled when I can touch a reader like this...if I couldn't I would give up. Thank you again Kate. I send a humble hug and smile...wow! :) Susan
Comment from Minglement
No sixes left to give you, but this is a dreadful, painful portrait of the lost. Soooo sad and telling. Great description as always and a mood that settles like a pall. Loved the phone description (tan toad). Good to see you posting. Love you, girl :) Marcia
LOL, I had to laugh at this one - 'superstition was (foley).' I think Foley is a medical euipment term - you mean 'folly' :)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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No sixes left to give you, but this is a dreadful, painful portrait of the lost. Soooo sad and telling. Great description as always and a mood that settles like a pall. Loved the phone description (tan toad). Good to see you posting. Love you, girl :) Marcia
LOL, I had to laugh at this one - 'superstition was (foley).' I think Foley is a medical euipment term - you mean 'folly' :)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi Marcia! Thank you so much! This is another detailed review...that helps me know what works. I did fix the typo too...I'm so grateful my friend. How are you feeling?? I sure hope your arm heals quickly...wait til the cast begins to itch!! OH no!! Love you too M! HUG! Susan
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No cast, yeah! Just a wrap and sling :) And a passel of no-nos. I'm fine. Take care and recover, yourself. Hugs, Marcia
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, susan, you did a great job
writing this flash fiction who thought he had nothing to live for. did you mean phooey or folly instead of foley?
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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this is very well written, susan, you did a great job
writing this flash fiction who thought he had nothing to live for. did you mean phooey or folly instead of foley?
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi Sweetie! Thank you so much! And for the help! I have fixed the typo...I should have posted later...but it's a weird urge that won't be ignored. Thank you again Pam! It's wonderful to hear from you! Luv, Susan
Comment from WadUK
Grim, very grim but extremely well described grim.
Personally, I am the eternal optimist but I could empathise with your character. I could feel his pain.
You write well and deserve the five star rating.
Keep writing but please, please, please look for the brighter side of life - it is there.
Pat (WadUK)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Grim, very grim but extremely well described grim.
Personally, I am the eternal optimist but I could empathise with your character. I could feel his pain.
You write well and deserve the five star rating.
Keep writing but please, please, please look for the brighter side of life - it is there.
Pat (WadUK)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi Pat! I am so grateful that you read and reviewed this even tho you aren't into the pessimistic things. I will write a lighter one soon. It will be for the Mythological Creatures! LOL! Hope you enjoy and thanks again...hug! Susan
Comment from barkingdog
You have given us a very sad picture of a person who has no inkling of hope for his life to improve. He is alone everywhere he goes. Lives inside himself.
I am such a dialogue nut that I missed him maybe thinking to himself or someone being rude to him to validate his inner loneliness. He'd see anything as supporting his opinion of his life.
Very sad. Well written.
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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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You have given us a very sad picture of a person who has no inkling of hope for his life to improve. He is alone everywhere he goes. Lives inside himself.
I am such a dialogue nut that I missed him maybe thinking to himself or someone being rude to him to validate his inner loneliness. He'd see anything as supporting his opinion of his life.
Very sad. Well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi there! Hey, neat that you read a narration and reviewed for me once more...that's special, since you prefer dialogue! Wow!! :)) I like Humpwhistles work...you should read him if you haven't already. I thank you again~ :) Susan
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He is great, isn't he?
Comment from reconciled
WOW,brilliantly written.You have such a talent, it is indeed remarkable.This piece captivates from the opening lines to the desperet end.Love the way you talk(write)(THINK).Lines like "the dinasour he called a car" or "He stood in the rain,wishing it would cleanse his soul"Just love it.Hey, listen I'm getting ready to release my third "prose"story and was wondering if you might consider looking at before I release it?If you dont have time I'll understand-Thanks-michael.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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WOW,brilliantly written.You have such a talent, it is indeed remarkable.This piece captivates from the opening lines to the desperet end.Love the way you talk(write)(THINK).Lines like "the dinasour he called a car" or "He stood in the rain,wishing it would cleanse his soul"Just love it.Hey, listen I'm getting ready to release my third "prose"story and was wondering if you might consider looking at before I release it?If you dont have time I'll understand-Thanks-michael.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Of course, Michael...I am trying to recoup from surgery and have some time! AND thank you for this truly wonderful review...I'm always thrilled to know you approve of anything I try! Just send me your story and I will try to honestly help...? Your friend, Susan
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Thank you Susan.I just have a rough draft right now, its for the upcoming contest,I have no expectation of winning.Thank you for the help, and I hope your feeling well.God bless you-Michael.
