Internet Affair
Two people met over the Internet.140 total reviews
Comment from despiser
Barbara
I have to ask how she could be in love with someone she has yet to meet?
I like the style and I think I see what you're trying to do here, but the translation results in an intro too long (too much on dressing) and anticlimatic ending. Could work but needs to refocus on layout.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Barbara
I have to ask how she could be in love with someone she has yet to meet?
I like the style and I think I see what you're trying to do here, but the translation results in an intro too long (too much on dressing) and anticlimatic ending. Could work but needs to refocus on layout.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Believe me it's possible. Thank you for your review.
Comment from bowls
Thank goodness you'll have a second part! I'm dying to find out what happens. You've really built up reader anticipation here through all of Laila's misgivings. I really enjoyed your prose style - nice and uncluttered yet lively. You might want to check one typo. In the paragraph beginning "She adjusted" you've written HE'S KNOWS. Please post the second part soon!!!!!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thank goodness you'll have a second part! I'm dying to find out what happens. You've really built up reader anticipation here through all of Laila's misgivings. I really enjoyed your prose style - nice and uncluttered yet lively. You might want to check one typo. In the paragraph beginning "She adjusted" you've written HE'S KNOWS. Please post the second part soon!!!!!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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I hope to get part two posted this week end. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from minopavlic
Ms Wilkey, I knew I'd like this, I've had my real life experiences in this often deceptive form of indifferent manipulation. I'm actually now going to introduce that experience into my book.
In all appearances, I thought she was an angel sent from above to replace the one I had just lost to lung cancer. Little did I know, she was straight from the pits below, with one agenda. Stop my spiritual growth.
Leaves In The Wind is a read of deception.
I loved your story.
Mino
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Ms Wilkey, I knew I'd like this, I've had my real life experiences in this often deceptive form of indifferent manipulation. I'm actually now going to introduce that experience into my book.
In all appearances, I thought she was an angel sent from above to replace the one I had just lost to lung cancer. Little did I know, she was straight from the pits below, with one agenda. Stop my spiritual growth.
Leaves In The Wind is a read of deception.
I loved your story.
Mino
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and sharing your story.
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Your welcome Barbara. Enjoy your weekend.
Mino
Comment from K. L. Bauman
You captured this character's personality and uncertianty so well! I could clearly picture her pacing the floor, biting her lip, the worried--and sometimes panicked--look on her face. I only noticed one thing that might need a bit of change; "She felt her breathing become less shallow." I guess because I had an instructor once who was big on this, I would take out the "She felt"--just say, "Her breathing became less shallow." Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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You captured this character's personality and uncertianty so well! I could clearly picture her pacing the floor, biting her lip, the worried--and sometimes panicked--look on her face. I only noticed one thing that might need a bit of change; "She felt her breathing become less shallow." I guess because I had an instructor once who was big on this, I would take out the "She felt"--just say, "Her breathing became less shallow." Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you I will make that correction. Thank you for your review,
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
Ah, the agony of the blind date, the internet friendship and the inevitable doubts... Is he/she legit or no, are they having me on, or could he/she be a psychopath???
Well written, good descriptions of the nervous habits.
Patrick
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Ah, the agony of the blind date, the internet friendship and the inevitable doubts... Is he/she legit or no, are they having me on, or could he/she be a psychopath???
Well written, good descriptions of the nervous habits.
Patrick
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. Do you think the internal and dialogue worked? My reviewers seem to be split on that.
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It crtainly worked for me. I guess if you've ever had one of these debates with yourself it would...
Patrick
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I have had debates with myself, after reading some of my reviews I began wondering if there was something wrong with me.
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With some reviewers they seem to me to lack any sort of imagination or understanding. I've had one that didn't know the differnce between "Biographic" and "Autobiographic" and lets not go into the details of those who query things like the idea of basic hygeine being a little lacking in the 5th Century in Ireland...
Patrick
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You have me laughing on that one.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Meeting people over the internet is becoming very common, and some time it can be very dangerous too. The apprehension and doubts Laila is going through are presented very well through her internal dialogue. This is a very interesting chapter, I can't wait to see the next one...
Thanks you for sharing!
Auroraboreal
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Meeting people over the internet is becoming very common, and some time it can be very dangerous too. The apprehension and doubts Laila is going through are presented very well through her internal dialogue. This is a very interesting chapter, I can't wait to see the next one...
Thanks you for sharing!
Auroraboreal
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Lynar
The story did hold my interest from start to end. It had the tension feel that was transferred, as I continued reading. Your action and reaction scenes were great. (biting your lip, adjusting your clothes and many doubts with what you were doing). Your story flow was good, with the surprise use of profanity sprinkled that made you startle. (bastard, booty-call etc.). The pause line did allow me to catch my breath before continuing the story.
I liked the short, effective dialogue with the hostess and Laila, before meeting her Internet date. It left me wondering with doubt. An excellent cliff hanger ending. Now what? An superb romance fiction story. I would recommend to my friends, Internet Affair. No negative comments.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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The story did hold my interest from start to end. It had the tension feel that was transferred, as I continued reading. Your action and reaction scenes were great. (biting your lip, adjusting your clothes and many doubts with what you were doing). Your story flow was good, with the surprise use of profanity sprinkled that made you startle. (bastard, booty-call etc.). The pause line did allow me to catch my breath before continuing the story.
I liked the short, effective dialogue with the hostess and Laila, before meeting her Internet date. It left me wondering with doubt. An excellent cliff hanger ending. Now what? An superb romance fiction story. I would recommend to my friends, Internet Affair. No negative comments.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
Another start to an intriguing situation. A very fitting topic for this fast paced and sometimes dangerous world we live in. Great start.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Barbara,
Another start to an intriguing situation. A very fitting topic for this fast paced and sometimes dangerous world we live in. Great start.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Ponder
Hi Barbara,
It is always difficult to write a scene with just one person. Byut you have managed to create a wonderful picture of your character doing just that, the internal monologues are so real, I could imagine these things going through my own mind in this situation.
Internet dating is so common place these days that this is a very topical story as well, the reader can't help hoping that it will turn out alright for Laila, (and fearing the worst)
Excellent writing with no erros that I can see.
Jules
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Hi Barbara,
It is always difficult to write a scene with just one person. Byut you have managed to create a wonderful picture of your character doing just that, the internal monologues are so real, I could imagine these things going through my own mind in this situation.
Internet dating is so common place these days that this is a very topical story as well, the reader can't help hoping that it will turn out alright for Laila, (and fearing the worst)
Excellent writing with no erros that I can see.
Jules
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from kukarad70
Dear Barbara.wilkey,
Here in your romance fiction, Internet Affair, I found arising lot questions internally to step out or not to meet for the affair by the made internet friend. Because Laila does a lot of wishing and reflecting before she leaves the room. She is exploring her happiness and scaring too, both are making her some time in confusion. She is wanting to have fun or probability of being raped by the unknown, this is her internal scaring.
She was frustrated with the activity done by Mark in the bed with Linda. Actually Laila and Mark were going to be married after the graduation. So that, she got affair with Jacob of 11 years older than her and she was in dubious mood whether to meet or not at the hotel room and afterwards happenings were making her painful. But person should be careful in first time meeting I say, because this is life is for one time and no one knows the other's intention what he or she wants. It really nice fiction to read because of having used simple words, standard language and attractive sentences. Wish you your more success. Thanks a lot. Kamal
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Dear Barbara.wilkey,
Here in your romance fiction, Internet Affair, I found arising lot questions internally to step out or not to meet for the affair by the made internet friend. Because Laila does a lot of wishing and reflecting before she leaves the room. She is exploring her happiness and scaring too, both are making her some time in confusion. She is wanting to have fun or probability of being raped by the unknown, this is her internal scaring.
She was frustrated with the activity done by Mark in the bed with Linda. Actually Laila and Mark were going to be married after the graduation. So that, she got affair with Jacob of 11 years older than her and she was in dubious mood whether to meet or not at the hotel room and afterwards happenings were making her painful. But person should be careful in first time meeting I say, because this is life is for one time and no one knows the other's intention what he or she wants. It really nice fiction to read because of having used simple words, standard language and attractive sentences. Wish you your more success. Thanks a lot. Kamal
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
